Saturday, December 31, 2005


When we wake up tomorrow, it's supposedly all new, even though around the world it will be an all new year in about one hour. We have to wait a little longer. The time when all things magically change, when we make ourselves promises that we probably won't keep; at least not all at once. Placing pressure on ourselves to push a little closer toward that perfection we've been elusively hunting.
I'm a person who loves Mondays. Sunday is rest-up time and Monday means a chance for a clean slate. I've always tolerated Christmas because of the craziness that surrounds it, and welcomed the New Year as a giant clean slate. As a kid, I'd grab the January 1st newspaper and stare at the date as if I'd passed through some time portal into the future. One day one year, the next a whole new one! Yesterday was last year! It was a fascinating concept for me.
Now, though, I view each new day as a clean slate, a chance to start over; to try to get it right. Time seems to shorten when you get older. Each opportunity for change needs to be grabbed onto, because in reality, time is like an ocean that undulates....waves in, waves out...with no respect for anyone saying, "HEY! Stop just a minute here....I'm on to something!" No, it just keeps moving and changing every moment, just as we need to do, every single day, taking our clean slates as we're handed them. Being grateful for the chance to start over, change, to be forgiven.
Even so, maybe tomorrow I'll just take a few moments to stare at the date on the newspaper.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

break time for repenting....

Whoa. I just went to the store. I'm working tonight on an art job. Apparently, everyone else had the same idea at the store. Buy healthy stuff. I keep trying to figure out why everything that I stuffed into my face this last weekend was the stuff I'm not supposed to eat. Wheat, dairy, tomato, and corn. Speaking of gluttony, did I miss anything? >burp<
Anyway, for lunch I had fresh spinach, raspberries with a slosh of soy milk, and a little piece of salmon. I feel much better, mentally and physically. Now why is that so hard for me to do?'s over...

Now we can continue to have Christmas every day without the insanity....

Saturday, December 24, 2005


A friend and I were discussing the war...we agree that it's time for our people to start coming home, but for different reasons.
All the soldiers I've talked to say that the Iraqi's (most of them) appreciate what we've done, but we may leave now, please. I agree that it's time to figure out a way to protect ourselves. We've been under attack since the 70's by terrorists. We have peaceful muslims, yes...but mosques are springing up everywhere here. What better way to attack than from within?
She says the war is about a president who cares about mideast oil, not American concerns.
So, what's new?Are those 2 concepts mutually exclusive? Almost everything we do and buy has something to do with oil. What are we willing to give up? We saw the result of gas and oil prices after Katrina. Imagine another 50% of our supply gone. What is a nation that is full of consuming, selfish, lazy people going to do? Give up the cars? The big houses? The plastics? These ARE American concerns, and the American people are just as much to blame as anyone else.
Spent last night at a home (actually a house, not a home) that is 8,000 sq ft. of rooms that are seldom used by the 3 people that occupy it. All 3 (that I counted) gas fireplaces were lit. Lights up all over the house and the neighborhood. The finest of everything. Nothing just "good enough"...had to be the best. Who needs that much room? They remodeled and added more on because the media room wasn't "big" enough. Just how BIG is "big enough?" Just how much is enough? It is indeed a war about American concerns. Selfish concerns.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Cracks me up....

I think I've heard "Merry Christmas" more this year than ever before, since it's so reviled to say anything associated with Christ now. Jesus told us there'd be days like this.
Patchouli tells me some lady had a hissy fit over a marquee saying "Merry Christmas; remember the reason for the season." She said she didn't need that "stuff" being shoved down her throat. Well, we don't need crappy, tacky movies and TV shows shoved down our throats, but we live through it, and so far, I haven't sued anyone over their right to free speech. What do the Hollywood powers-that-be say? Don't look at it. So, Lady...don't look at it. Besides, Jesus is the reason for this season. I assume that woman will get her happy butt to work on Christmas day instead of taking the day off like the people that celebrate the reason for the season. I'm not offended by menorahs...Happy Hanukkah to my Jewish brothers and sisters! So get over it. And have a Merry Christmas!

Monday, December 19, 2005


Please pray for my friend, Jackie, in the hospital with life-threatening conditions.
Please pray for all who are suffering right a season of what is supposed to be joy, there are always those who have lost something, someone, and are in deep pain.
Remember the promise of Jesus; that He died and indeed rose again. There is much hope, even in suffering.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

female masculinists

I like that word in that I don't like it. Masculinists. It's a take off, of course on the F word: Feminist.

I am not a feminist. I am not a masulinist. I'm a humanist if anything. Men and women are supposed to work together. It's a team. Not a division, but it seems to become that, especially in the biblical realm.

In my quest for biblical truth, that women and men are supposed to unite equally in His Kingdom, to battle the enemy shoulder to shoulder, I seem to have realized one of women's greatest foes: other women.

I was ordained an elder many years ago. I got the most support in my eldership from other men, not women. Women look askance at me if they find out I was ordained an elder. The men of the church I was in were my biggest supporters; they were the ones that called me to minister to me as I was ministering to others. Elder, pastor, deacon. It's all the same thing: servant to others. Period. None of the high falootin' stuff. I think men have no trouble with it because they view it as someone who knows they have stuff to do for God. Women view it as a woman in authority and by golly, they already allow enough people to have authority over them as it is. That's really their problem. It's an honor for me to serve my Father, and an ordination is a public announcement that I am held to a certain standard. I take that very seriously, and to disrespect that call on my life is to disrespect Him.

Some women that I know look at me funny when I say that I don't do my husband's laundry. If I were to say that to a man, he'd probably laugh. Women, though, often look at me like I'm a bad wife. I find that interesting. My husband is better at his laundry than I am. He does his because he likes it a certain way. I cook because I am the better cook. He does the long-term finances because he is better at it. I do the short-term finances because I am better at it. It just seems ironic that women who supposedly believe that we are all to use our gifts and talents according to God's assignments would judge another person based on their cultural perception of who that person is supposed to be. We have a long journey ahead of us.

Thursday, December 15, 2005


There's an abundance of feeling entitled all around. Where does this come from? Folks think they are owed a job, happiness, immediate recognition, STUFF without effort, responsibility or even honor. I'm seeing this in a lot of younger people today. They think they should just get what they need without working. A lot of them are just working part time....and not going to college. All the good stuff requires dues to be paid. It's as simple as that. Oh, sure, you might get a windfall, win the lottery, someone dies and leaves you a ton of money. But in the whole of things, you're responsible for your own good stuff happening.

I'm an artist and writer by trade. I went through college, worked for and paid for it myself. Graduated with a BA with honors in Visual Art and minored in English. I've always worked. I've worked since I was 11, babysitting, drawing portraits for people. For some reason, people think that my success as an artist just happened, and what a lucky girl I am. Well, yeah, I am a lucky girl. But what I've done and how far I've come is by my own effort. It didn't happen overnight. The first time I made $150 a month painting sweatshirts...well, I thought I was the bomb. Getting a check for doing something you like to do rocks. But that was 15 years ago. We've struggled, I've worked, homeschooled, dealt with a chronic illness, and a supportive but oft absent husband, raised one incredible kid and have another work in process. My family comes first; always has, and when God came into my life, then He came first.

Now I get to charge a pretty price for what I do. But it's still work, hard work, and requires time and effort. No movie of the week stuff here where someone makes a special cookie and suddenly all they do is drink lattes and go to Aruba. I had one guy watching me paint a mural; he was decked out in a suit. After a minute he said, "I want to be you." I handed him the brush and said, "Fine. Pay my orthodontist." Guess he didn't know that I work as hard as he does. I was just willing to make the sacrifices and effort to do something that I love. Nothing good comes without effort. What would be the point?

Saturday, December 10, 2005

My list of sevens...

MY 31 cents worth in honor of my friend Patchouli at

Seven things I want to do before I die:
1. Get well stay well
2. Stay at a comfortable weight
3. Learn to play the violin
4. Sell paintings that I painted just because, not because I was commissioned to do
5. Swim with the dolphins
6. Look into an elephant's eyes, touch its face, and tell them I understand
7. See my kids happy with kids

And Seven Things That I Cannot Do...
1. Cheat
2. Tolerate dishonesty, disrespect, sneakiness, meanness, or bullying.
3. Be bored
4. Be constrained
5. Fix a car (but I want to learn!)
6. Go to churches that have no accountability
7. Jump out of an airplane

Seven Things that attract me to my very small circle of intimates:
1. Great minds
2. Integrity
3. Love for our Jesus
4. Honesty
5. Warped humor
6. Acceptance and tolerance of the different opinions and beliefs of each other
7. Love of music and art

Seven things I say most often:
1. I love you
2. What part of "no" didn't you get?
3. Grant! GET UP!
4. You're the silliest dog!
5. Can I use the computer, please?
6. How are you?
7. Oh, crap.

Seven Books that I love in no particular order:
1. Philip Yancey's Rumors
2. Gone With the Wind
3. The Source by Dr. Ann Nyland
4. To Kill a Mockingbird
5. The Dream Book
6. Prescription for Nutritional Healing
7. The Bible translated accurately

Seven Movies I Watch Over and Over:
1. Pride and Prejudice (the BBC one)
2. Persuasion
3. To Kill a Mockingbird
4. The Hot Chick (diverse, and crass, eh? Sorry, it JUST cracks me up!)
5. Under the Tuscan Sun (>sigh<> love the house, love the REALTOR!)
6. Emma
7. The Quiet Man

Thursday, December 08, 2005

If you have December 25th off, thank Him

Happy CHRISTmas!
Happy Christ time!

Deceptively pretty....

Winter here in the south....nothing like up north where I grew up. We'd have laughed at this day up there. The main problem is that there is a deceptive thing here that forms called "black ice." Everything can look okay on the surface; sunny, pretty, warm...but underneath it all is coldness and danger. I just saw a truck jacknife on TV on what looked like a pretty safe stretch of road; and the cab burst into flames. But not before throwing a passenger about a 100 feet.
This is a metaphor for our faith. On the surface everything looks okay; sunny, pretty, warm~~but underneath it all can be coldness and danger. We walk the walk and talk the talk, but end up slipping and sliding around, skidding into each other and bursting into...flames. Try as we might to study, prepare, learn and arm ourselves to travel safely, we will crash at times until we wait for the real sonlight to melt away that black ice and realize that only waiting upon Him will make our travel safe and right.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Amazing Grace...

My yellow lab, Gracie, and I took our very long Saturday walk this morning...we set Saturday and Sunday aside to stop...reflect...
she is imperfect; a kidney problem, genetic messing around resulted in a labrador who needed rescue. To look at her, she doesn't look like the regular lab. We call her the super model of labradors. She is tall, muscular, leggy with green eyes and pink nose and mouth. None of the black on her face that a lot of yellow labs carry. She's gorgeous. I knew when I took her from a client as an 8 week old (she nearly drowned in their pool) that there was something wrong with I drove home with her I knew I was in for something, but I heard, "She will save your life." Not the knocking me out of the way of a bus kind of saving, I knew. But in the next puppy months, I figured she would kill me with the housetraining, up all night, etc. We got over that.
Every morning she is happy. She greets each day with joy. All she wants is to BE.
She keeps me going, she makes our family complete. She keeps me healthy because I, too, am imperfect beyond the usual imperfections...a mixed connective tissue disease....that keeps me humble; a thorn in my flesh; waiting for healing. In His gift of Grace to us I see His plan of salvation; that all things will be made perfect in Him. To seek Him. To seek happiness. To greet each day with joy.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

rest time.....

the sword's in the shop.....
shields up.
cloaking device...

Wednesday, November 30, 2005


It amazes me that some of my artwork that I've posted here goes with many of my thoughts...even though the art was done for various clients. The pictures of the concrete floors that I've painted with faux stone, faux mosaics, painted pearl necklaces, etc....all were just images done for people with no thought but design...but they illustrate thoughts that then permeate my mind in deeper, spiritual ways. I think that's how we need to remember our Father's role in our lives...we have the mundane everyday stuff we have to do for one reason or another, but to remember that He is in EVERYTHING. That all we do, say, live...exists because of, and for Him.
Each thought, action, word, is like one stone by itself...and when put together in that mosaic of our lives becomes a firm structure..but only if that stone is strengthened by His mortar. Building our lives one stone at a time and remembering that He's the One that holds it all together.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

True Living Waters

I was so down yesterday, and trying to deal with so much. In the mail came my copy of 'Misquoting Jesus; The Story Behind Who Changed the Bible and Why' by Bart Ehrmann. My oldest son and I just finished Truth and Fiction in the Da Vinci Code by the same fellow. We read it essentially in one day.
I started this book, and the author, whom I respect considerably. (I have a lecture tape series by him on the NT)
He reveals, I think that although "born again" as a teen, he now believes, from his studies that he believes in God, but that Jesus is an apocalyptic prophet not necessarily the Son of God. That's me reading between his lines.
That was scary stuff. Was I going to come to the same conclusion should I delve into this stuff? If I have the audacity to read the gnostic gospels as sources of academic study, am I a heretic? I thought, my friend Patchouli will surely understand this..will my friend Connie? What will I say to Connie?
So, God gives Connie a Word to call me this morning!
Thank God...she's obedient!
And what a wonderful conversation! Thank you, Connie....He is so good to us! The more I get into this the closer I feel to Him, to Jesus, to the truth...It's like nuzzling up against Him and knowing Him more and more. The Source quotes Jesus as saying, "You overly critical, hair-splitting, pedantic religious types!" Truth! Stop using the Bible as an idol and start seeing the truth of the words in it and LIVE it! Breath it! Embrace who He is...He is EXISTENCE! He was and is and is to come! Stop beating these words into the ground and rise up out of that dusty ground and see HIM.
I believe we are on a path back to where He wants us to flat are those self-help "Christian" books that entice us to make God in our image, to make Him our puppet?
Connie spoke of the depth of words in old hymns. So true! God is showing me that our generation is flattening Him and stuffing Him in this box, this cube. He shows me that He is like an onion, with incredible layers to be peeled back not only to see Him, but to see us as He sees us. And what is an onion in our nature, but a blood-purifier? A detoxifier? Amazing grace!
I thank Him for this morning, I thank Him for my sisters, and the freedom He gives us to actively PURSUE Him, knocking over tables, being driven from the synagogues, being called heretical. BRING IT ON...if it brings us closer to Him and His blessed Son. Praise God.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Healing garden....

Take time to sit with Him and heal. Try to forgive. Try to see past the small things and see Him beyond the Book, beyond the talk, beyond the seen. He is the reality.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

REbELLioUs cHiLd

Some days its like lookin' in a mirror.......

Saturday, November 26, 2005

It'll grow back, right?

I got a new haircut last week...I've been getting it cut shorter and shorter. The pic the gal showed me had a woman with this fetching, tousled cut. Her face was the same shape as mine, her hair, the same auburny color. Her eyes even looked like mine. Of course, her cells were much younger than mine...
Anyway, I'm still using the chair and whip to try to get behave. Often it is quite chic, quite stylin'. Other times I look like the unfortunate offspring of Meg Ryan and Bozo the Clown.
It'll grow back, right?


I sometimes forget why I thought Christians were such a pain in the rear before I was a Christian. Now I remember. Some of them ARE a pain in the rear.
It's the judgment. The condemnation. The insistence on seeing everything eye to eye or you just don't "have it." The failure of me or others to measure up.
The only truth is Him. Everything else is butter on the toast. We need to see where we agree, not disagree. I certainly will not sit here and say, "He's saved, she's not. She's saved, he's not." That's not my call. It's His. I cannot expend my energy worrying about what I or someone else believes unless it hurts another human being. And that is what makes some Christians a pain in the rear.
My purpose is known to Him and to me. I'm an encourager. I have been blessed with many gifts. He has been so good to me. I harbor no resentment, no anger, no jealousy about the gifts of others. I revel in the gifts of others, and nothing makes me happier than to see someone take a beautiful picture, write a good essay, paint something awesome, get totally passionate about a cause, or sing beautifully. There is no place for jealousy in the Kingdom. All good things come from Him, and to deny or resent these things is to deny or resent Him. Revel in the gifts of others. Encourage them. It's a true blessing.


Expectations about the perfection of the season. Ornaments have to be just right...some of them definitely need to be motorized. Now we have trees with lights already on them. Just pop that sucker out into the living room and decorate her up.
Sadness seems to be a pervading factor in holidays. The expectations, the ridiculous gift giving. It's great to give gifts, but when people are fighting in the aisles for a laptop...then we have the circus of the absurd.
I lost 2 of my favorite women around this time of year. My mom and my grandma. 2 wonderful women; but fortunately I had time to wrap around them and let them know how much I loved them before they died. I had a Word that they would die, and when they would die, I think because the Lord wanted me prepared. He knew how much they meant to me.
Other folk have sadness around this time for one reason or another. Hopefully we can pull ourselves out of our selves and remember to walk gently and help each other at this time instead of thinking we're the only ones in pain. Hopefully we can walk like Him and walk past our selfishness. Hopefully, we can look past the tree.

Friday, November 25, 2005


It really is a virtue. One that I've had to learn over the years. Pre-Jesus I walked in judgment and arrogance. Still do to an extent, I know. But, many friends and family members have seen what He has done in my life to help free me of this. That will be a never-ending journey....
...because, something happens to bring back frustration, anger, and hurt. I wiped my other blog completely off the web because of judgment of me and my life. I felt exposed, vulnerable, and condemned. That's on me....I'll need to get over that. So, right now I'm trying to be calm and remember that He loves me, He's called me, I am His daughter and He knows my hurt, my anger, and most of shortcomings. He is my shelter in the storm.