Friday, February 23, 2007

I have a lot of blogs to catch up with! :-O

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Thank you all

My vision is pretty much back to normal...I'm just kind of spacey. That's probably normal, too. ;-)
How do I thank you all for your kind words and prayers? Can't say enough as to how it bolstered my spirit! Please promise me that you'll let me be there for you when you need someone. Friend Connie says that no one gets a "free pass"....we all go through so much. She called me the other day and I was at the lowest point, trying to just see normally...I couldn't speak. Missy hit the nail on the head on one an artist this scared me! I find it difficult to cry, but finally all the fear flowed out in our conversation. I felt better. I must learn to cry more! Last night, I started losing vision aura started fourth migraine this month....and I took the Midrin at the onset, and refused to freak out, it hacked me off so bad. I had JUST done some quiet prayer, music, and meditation to unwind! The doctors say these headaches have nothing to do with the eye stroke. I can't believe that. I googled it (don't have my M.D. license yet LOL) and there have been cases of "complicated" migraine. Praise the Lord almost every case of that or lupus or anemia related didn't return, and the chances of a major stroke are no different than most folks.
I keep getting put to the fear test...and I fail miserably each time.

This is nothing compared to the kids and teachers I see when I do the special needs aide jobs. Every teacher has some ailment...stress related I'm sure. They all have migraines. At the school I'm working at now, they offered me a full time aide position. I'm not sure that would be good for my health or my finances. They don't pay those folks enough....and I'm about to start 4 big mural jobs. But I was honored that they offered and trusted me.

Then there are the kids. One cute little gal with a leg problem from chemo...several with severe autism, cerebral palsy, violent behavior, emotional behavior problems, etc. I know some of you have worked with this. It's heartbreaking, but the heart of these teachers is so really is God at work through people...and no matter what public schools mandate....HE is alive and well in the schools...people praying for each other, professing their faith, both teachers and kids.

It's a great thing to see.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Keeping on....

I had posted about a problem a day or so of those things you post, then you delete.
Codepoke saw it, and thanks, brother, for checking in on me. He had, in the past, a similar incident to what I had a few days ago. He was very encouraging.

I basically had a stroke in my left DO was kind enough to tell me it was a stroke, just happened to be in my eye. Thanks, Dr. Bob. 'Preciate that. I don't have cholesterol, BP, heart, etc., problems. I think they call it retinal vascular occlusion. Many reasons it can happen, including just a fluke. Had to make an emergency visit to opthamologist who seemed giddy with excitement that something had actually happened, then on to a retinal specialist who seemed pleased that it was resolving. It can all be related to lupus, anemia, low BP....or not. A little bloodwork to wait on. Going back in a week to one, then a month to another.

The major issue is the fear that this crap always presents to me. I go on roller coaster rides with my health ...up, down, upside down. And it always boils down to fear about checkin' out of this life. Not afraid to meet my maker....just really like to be with my family. I get past one obstacle only to be met with another. Well, duh...guess that's life. Praise God I've had Connie, Mike, blogbrother CP, and others. I've been raised from the fretting to just letting Him do whatever. As I sat in the specialist's office, I was ashamed because it was jam packed with tons of young man came in with what looked like a wad of ground beef where his right eye should be. Another man was diabetic and had a brace of some sort on his leg. Another woman has been diabetic since childhood and they were trading horror stories of blacking out at the wheel, or overdosing on insulin. I just started praying in the spirit for them all.....I don't know God's plan, but I did know that praying would really piss off the enemy. And I think I'm all about that right now. Doing whatever big Daddy wants me to do should accomplish that.

Monday, February 19, 2007

Prose II

Click on this to view better. I wrote this a year and a half ago....the Lord gave it to me; He wanted me to understand the very important and equal relationship between man and woman; in HIS image; that we all work together for good--for Him.

Monday, February 12, 2007

Prose I

I wrote this a couple of years real reason to post it now except to thank our brothers out there who know God's Truth about men and women battling together shoulder to shoulder; not each other.

Enemy Within

The battle rages, the Enemy is strong and seemingly tireless.
We, His warriors, are weary in fleshly strength.
His power and our unity are our only hope.

Shoulder to shoulder we stand, an army
assembled for His word and His works.
Swords are flashing, while arrows slice through
the prayers spoken in silence, yet heard.

I am struck, a force upon my chest. With weapon still in
my right hand, I clutch my breast with the left.
The arrow has pierced deeply, and warm life flows
between my fingers.

Stumbling, sword still held high, I fall—
a soldier down.
I pray, and a single tear slides down my cheek as I
watch other sisters fall.

He is there, His loving presence catching us, comforting us
as our energy fades. He is dismayed, but
it’s not our failure that disappoints.
Eye to eye we meet our assassins. A sob
wells up in my throat, choking me….
silencing me.

The injury is painful, with mortal effect, but not as
deadly as the truth.
Who could have thought the wounds that
keep us from the Battle, from His mission,
from His work—
would be dealt by our own brothers?

Copyright 2005 Karen

Art and copy from American Greetings Company, Inc. And, as KB says....these strengths apply to all you Stong Men blogpals!!!

Friday, February 09, 2007

Thursday, February 08, 2007

unplanned ramblings....

It has been a long week.... missing much of last week and the weekend, and finally getting free of most of the pain of that headache...I've never had a migraine like that. I'm praying that I don't ever again. I'm still on the drugs..I hate to rely on chemicals, but prayer and rest did not have the positive results I had hoped for. Some of it is the allergy/sinus thing, but I know some is stress and tension. As Bruce said, there is something in the air in the DFW area. Many symptoms...none of them much in the out and out flu, though. It's as if our family has shared the symptoms instead of one bearing all of them. That in itself could be the answer to prayer....and a metaphor as to the sharing of burdens among us.

And if rest and prayer are not relieving my pain...what is my pain telling me?

I was whining to our big Daddy this morning about pain. What does He want from me? Why all the pain in my family at this time? Why is my stepmom suffering so? My brother? My son? Why the young mom...who couldn't conceive a child...finally through faith has had a baby...and now fears leaving him because she has cancer. Why?

Pain. Physical and emotional. There's a lot of it going around. In Don's search for life , Don posts something about this. Pain...the resulting experience to a resistance to what is. That is definitely true, but some pain is inevitable. A lot of suffering is indeed a choice. What pain do we bring upon our selves? Is the act of selflessness...of reaching out to others...of being vulnerable an invitation to hurt?

I've noticed in reading blogs, and with blog and personal interaction with some of you that I have shared more than I will share with people on a face to face basis. I so appreciate that opportunity. I have the tendency to trust others only after a long period of time, then I throw my loyalty and heart full into the relationship.

Before I met Jesus, I walked alone. I didn't open up to people. My heart was hurt and selfish and introverted. When that change came over me, it was as if He revealed the broken hearts of others to me, and their hurt became a priority in my life, leading me to ministry to others. It was no longer about me. Motherhood, of course was the precursor to that, but it was the death of my mom that drove me to Him, and the manner in which He answered my prayers that made me see Him as the Love that He is--especially in adversity. that vulnerability...that revealing of myself to others in the earthly realm, the face to face, I've been flogged a time or expectations of what friendship is have exceeded reality and the beatings have been brutal. One or two true friends remain with me, but still I feel I walk a thin line between total openness and that glass brick wall of self-protection. I am not accepted as I accept others. Reality bites.

I still walk alone, only now the pain of seeing the pain of others walks with me. Before I could simply cast off anyone who rejected I see the cause of that rejection...and it's not me and yet I still feel the shame. We all reject true and complete love all the time, everyday. When we reject that love and acceptance, we reject Him. He was the one under the weight of the cross, and He bore it, yet He tells us to take it up with Him. He bore the stripes, yet we still walk with those wounds that others have inflicted upon us and those we have inflicted upon ourselves, when we are to allow Him to heal us, body and HIS stripes, not ours.

Maybe that's the thing....He wants us to know this pain. Rejection--this time with complete love and forgiveness. When we don't know pain, how can we know unconditional love? If we don't know sadness, how will we know unbridled joy? If we say we forgive someone, do we really forgive them? Only He forgives and forgets. If it's not forgotten, though, are we REALLY capable of the act of true love: forgiveness? He was. When will we be capable of this?

What is our pain telling us?

Sunday, February 04, 2007


2/6? 4:56 update....Whoo Hoo! Better livin' through chemistry! I feel a blog post comin' on!! It may not be coherant coherint coherant...hmmm....understandable, but what the heck...... :-D

Geez....what a week and weekend. My poor pounding head! I finally felt well enough to go to the doctor (that's sad). Sinus infection/migraine. Thanks for the input, ya'all. I appreciate your comments. I'm going to get some Feverfew...that used to nick 'em in the past. But for now I have an arsenal of really good drugs!! :-)
Poor Gracie.....she was (all 83 pounds of her) draped over me the whole it Tuesday today? :-/

What a weekend. I had such and all....

My husband is settled in and watching the rainy Superbowl. Ugh. That looks like a lot of fun.

I've had a migraine since last waxes and wanes...and I'm pretty fed up with it. Anybody have any decent migraine treatment that doesn't knock you out?

Gracie is quite perturbed with me. I ventured out yesterday morning to the school yard to run her around, but haven't budged today. She's staring at me, now....with hope in her eyes.... :-)

Saturday, February 03, 2007

On mannequins...

Chris asked me for my take on the video and lyrics that I posted. I didn't catch all of them when I looked at the vid...which my oldest had sent to me. He loved the effects and the message, (he's majoring in Film and Broadcasting) and he knew I'd like it, too. Found the lyrics on the web.

The words that really stuck out for me are highlighted in red below...this song is about our flat and soul-less "heroes" and "role models"...they have nothing much to offer except appearances.

I love the "looking at you through the glass"...don't you feel like that sometimes? God wants us to be "not of this world" and that is sometimes a lonely place to be when we live on this fleshly plane of existence. Do I think this guy in Stone Sour is that deep? I don't know. This is the first time that I've ever heard of all are way ahead of me on that. So, maybe it's good that I know nothing about the artists.

But, back to the question. Aren't we all a little flat? Do we bare our souls and present the real "us" to the world? How about when we're blogging? Are we all really who we present ourselves to be?

I think we are all a little more honest with each other than the "stars" that shine in celebrity land...I caught something on a show with Lindsay Lohan's mom complaining about how her daughter, no matter what she does now, will be scrutinized and picked to pieces by the media. My first thought was, well, yeah....she brought this on herself, and asked for it, and poor thing has the money to get through it...but then I thought...she can NEVER be herself and has grown up being a "mannequin" so she has no anchor except a mother who looks just like her, and lives the same lifestyle that they are dragging her little sister into as well.

Do they have God to cling to? I don't know. I can't imagine my life without Him...let alone living under a microscope without Him. He has made me more honest, more transparent than I ever was. But, I am more honest on this blog than I am in the world with some of my friends, so maybe I'm really one of those people standing there, talking to the world....but at any moment could be snatched up like a cardboard character.

Or, maybe I'm just on the outside, looking through the glass.

Through Glass - Stone Sour
Genre/Lang. : Rock/Metal
I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
Oh God it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head
How do you feel, that is the question
But I forget, you don't expect an easy answer
When something like a soul becomes initialized
Folded up like paper dolls and little notes
You can't expect a bit of hope
So while you're outside looking in
Describing what you see
Remember what you're staring at is me
'Cause I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
When no one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head
How much is real, so much to question
An Epidemic of the mannequins
Contaminating everything
When thought came from the heart
It never did right from the start
Just listen to the noises (No more sad voices)
Before you tell yourself It's just a different scene
Remembering it's just different from what you've seen
I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
And all I know is that it feels like forever
When no one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head

(REFRAIN): And it's the stars
The stars that shine for you
And it's the stars
The stars that lie to you

I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
Oh God it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head
'Cause I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head

(REFRAIN) [2x] Who are the stars? Who are the stars that lie?

Friday, February 02, 2007


Disclaimer: I think all the lyrics are clean...but get a load of the message and the effects!

Thursday, February 01, 2007


Pilfered from zanne! Not sure about the neat freak thing, the smart, or the loveable thing....but I know that some would testify to the little bit evil--now, the eccentric..yes, yes.......and there is a similarity around the eyes, and the hair in the morning....

You Are Bert

Extremely serious and a little eccentric, people find you loveable - even if you don't love them!

You are usually feeling: Logical - you rarely let your emotions rule you

You are famous for: Being smart, a total neat freak, and maybe just a little evil

How you life your life: With passion, even if your odd passions (like bottle caps and pigeons) are baffling to others

This is for all of us today....

I haven't had to come up with anything clever lately...the good stuff is coming to me!

There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror,and noticed she had only three hairs on her head.Well," she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today!" So she did and she had a wonderful day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had only two hairs on her head. "H-M-M," she said, "I think I'll part my hair down the middle today!" So she did and she had a grand day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only one hair on her head. "Well," she said, "today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail." So she did and she had a fun, fun day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head. "YEA!" she exclaimed, "I don't have to fix my hair today!"

Attitude is everything.Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle. Live simply, Love generously, Care deeply, Speak kindly.......Leave the rest to God