Thursday, February 26, 2009

Trying to live like my prior post....

Man. So much suffering. Friends losing family. Friends losing jobs, but not bills. Friends having family troubles. Companies downsizing and closing plants. Friends who are sick and suffering. Running a prayer ministry is a blessing, yet can be difficult.


Does anyone have some good news to report? I'd really like to hear some good news.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Be still and know.....

I caught Joyce Meyer this morning. I have an afternoon gig at a school, but woke up a little later than usual (6 a.m.) and thought: Hmmm. Need to listen to Joyce this morning. She talked about peace. My life has been filled with much more peace since my last health scare. A little over a year ago, a chest xray showed a spot on my lung. 25 years ago, my lungs were filled with calcification from living with a smoker and a bout of bronchitis every year that I was at my folk's home. I nearly passed out when the doctor showed me my chest xray. 25 year old woman with lungs that looked like that. Add to it that my mom died of lung cancer 10 years after she quit smoking and you have the makings of a pot full 'o fear. As I was working on a mural a year ago, waiting for my appointment for a CT scan (they always make you wait at least a week, right?) my anxiety level was through the roof.

Slapping paint on a 2000 sq ft. mural, I could feel the fear rising. I was trying to concentrate on my work and ignore the fear. Finally, I got desperate and put my brush down. I got on my knees that day...nice, too, that it was a church I was working in....and pleaded with Father. I asked him to PLEASE, whatever was going to happen, I didn't care...but to PLEASE just give me peace about it! No more anxiety! If I was to live, please let me live on a day to day basis, not fearing the future. If I was to die, please let me live on a day to day basis, not fearing the future. I suddenly realized that I was praying for the same thing, either way, and the outcome made no difference; it was the peace of each day that mattered. A friend in the church, a man who ministers to prison inmates and battles his own demons staying sober and fighting Hep C came by later and told me my CT scan would be clean.

Something happened that day. The colors of everything became brighter. I noticed miniscule stuff. Tiny details. "Look at the shape of those leaves! Isn't that amazing? And they are so GREEN in January! Can you believe that?! See the little orange dots on there. Amazing!!" My family probably thought I was nuts.

I was a tad nervous on my CT day, but not crazily. I prayed in the spirit the night before and felt a healing occur. My CT scan was clean; nothing was remarkable. No calcifications mentioned.

So, when listening to Joyce talk about peace, I was reminded of that and even further back. My mom had become disgruntled with our church when the pastor had an affair with a member, and we stopped going. For some reason, though, she signed me up for vacation Bible school when I was still in elementary school. Yep, it was offered through the school, can you believe that? I had no idea what it was all about, but I remember packing a little sack lunch and going off to this place every day for a week. It was magical. We talked about stuff we never talked about in school--or at home. The teacher told us about God, and Jesus, and I was....intrigued and amazed. We walked out of the school one day and sat on the hill outside the school and ate our lunches as she talked more about God. It was summer in Iowa, but it was a breezy day. I still remember that one day, on the hill, being fed inside and out and hearing the Word of God. The cool breezes were tempering the hot sun stood still. Just that place, that day, that moment...I existed, aware of He and I, together. The Now of being....The Stillness of knowing He is God. The peace.

I remember that day more than any other day of my childhood and it never really occured to me that it was the beginning of who I became in the Lord, that He has made a few standout days in particular for me to know that He is there. To remember those days reminds me to remember the importance of ONE day. EACH day. To sit on a heavenly hill and just BE, in His stillness. To rest in His arms, like a child.

To have peace.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Monday stuff

I got my bloodwork back last week. It looks better than it has in a long time, so I was wondering why I feel so bad. ANA has been 1:1200 for the last year and a half, which is way, way high...last one was 1:160. Much better. Low inflammation. My joints are worse, even, than my tissue pain. My wrists keep giving out. I've been exercising more, and my feet hurt. I thought, I'm not sure 20 more years of this is worth it.

It's been kind of depressing. I've upped many supplements and my energy has improved immensely, hence the exercise--which could be the pain cause. I've had to restrain a kid a couple of times, and had no problem during or after...but suddenly something changed.

I decided to go to the chiropractor this afternoon and work my way through doctors. I didn't plan on saying much...he's a great chiro and all, but never really impressed with me much. Except today. He told me he'd been at a conference about autoimmune processes and wondered if I'd like to be a guinea pig....just his cost for the supplements. Anyway, long story short...EVERYTHING he told me lined up with my inner voice telling me what I needed to do--today I have just had liquid smoothies and a veggie soup that I concocted. He tested me for allergies and, amazingly, I'm not allergic to things that I used to be allergic to. 30 day trial and not a lot of cost.

I had prayed this morning for SOMETHING, ANYBODY to listen and help me out here.

I hope this was an answer.