Today, I'm pissed.....

Main Entry: pissed
Pronunciation: 'pist
Function: adjective
1 chiefly British sometimes vulgar : Drunk 1a 2 sometimes vulgar : angry, irritated; often used with off

Don't you love that? Such a clinical definition. I'm the 2nd definition. Angry, irritated; often used with 'off.'
I'm a prayer intercessor. God led me to start an email prayer ministry that has survived through 2 or more churches and is comprised of many people from all over. They are awesome warriors. It's been around for over 7 years. There are advantages to coordinating this. I minister to people; through email, on the phone, or in person, and most of the time it keeps me grounded and humble. I see so much suffering that it makes my stuff seem small indeed.
Today, though, I'm just a little tired of my stuff.
I was diagnosed with mixed-connective tissue disease (mostly lupus) after my first son was born 18 years ago. Since then, my thyroid has gone south, I've developed fibromyalgia, I've had pancreatitis and then gallbladder out. I've been misdiagnosed and terrorized with possible hideous diseases...leukemia, schleroderma, etc. Last April I developed severe tinnitus and now live with 3 loud noises in my head 24-7. Thank God for God, or I would certainly have taken myself out. Now, I'm having the middle aged woman stuff going on with anemia and am presented with yet another pain du jour on top of the pain that I live with all the time.
I'm still standing, and I intend to keep standing. But I've been so tired in the last couple of months that I'm either working or sleeping. Lately, it's been sleeping. And when I don't have the energy to do anything, that's when the swilling and wallowing start. (see prior post)
Then, someone calls...like just now...with heavy stuff...and I listen and afterward feel guilty about the wallowing and worry that because I'm such a wimp something even worse may come my way. I have to assume that the Lord will get me through, because He has so far...and funny thing......I'm not even pissed at Him. And, tomorrow is a whole 'nother day.
But, today, I'm just pissed.