Saturday, March 11, 2006
This post is really directed at me…but if you see anything you can identify with, go for it. And, it will be rambly, per usual. But try to hang with me……
My friend, Connie, called me yesterday. I told her that I was feeling very…..confused. Scattered. Overwhelmed. I’ve let so much stuff go by since going through this fatigue with anemia, that now that I’m feeling more energy, the list of stuff to do just looks crazy. She prayed with me, for the spirit of confusion, self-condemnation, etc., to be lifted. That really helped.
Personal responsibility. Yes, we can pray that demon influence off of us, but we let it in, in the first place. I’ve been just wasting time wandering around thinking, “what to do, what to do.” It’s time to just do it.
I’m overwhelmed with family members. My FIL is doing better, but he wasn’t much into taking good care of himself in the first place (he had stopped taking his BP meds). My husband’s sisters are his half-sisters, he is the youngest. Suddenly, my FIL, the man that gave up a basketball scholarship for them, raised them, loved them, clothed them, etc., has become not “daddy,” but Sid. They have told my husband that he is “your dad.” Nice.
Now, our niece and nephew have shipped my husband’s crazy sister (their mother) up to our neck of the woods to stay with my MIL. They conveniently packed up all of her stuff so that we all could deal with her. I am also the caregiver of my disabled brother who lives half a mile from us. My dad is currently taking care of my stepmom, who has a progressive ataxia.
This is not a pity trip…don’t get me wrong. But this stuff could easily drive me into the depths, adding to that my own health problems and fears. One kid in college, and another homeschooling, and both of us working to pay bills, etc. It’s just a lot.
But…we’re not in Iraq. We don’t have anything terminal (I hope!). We’re all here, the bills are paid. We have the best kids in the world. A roof over our heads, food in the pantry. Laughter (my favorite!)
I feel sorry for other members of my outer family. They run from conflict, from responsibility. If they do something, they have to play the martyr. Crap happens, we all have it. Each and everyone of you who is reading this (if you’ve gotten this far) have stuff going on that seems overwhelming.
So, back to the “not letting that demon of confusion and self-condemnation” in. We have the choice to open that door or not. So, if I’m feeling overwhelmed, I’ve got to do one thing at a time to deal.
Tell that spirit to take a hike.
Clean one pile of clutter out.
Email a friend.
Call a friend.
Sweep something out.
Empty a box.
Clean the kitchen.
Walk the dog.
Anything. We’re ALIVE! Isn’t that great? And we believe that there will be something special for us after we’re gone. Isn’t that great? So, I’m looking around…spring is coming. All the crap that I haven’t gotten done doesn’t really matter, does it? Does it? The earth is still turning, the sun is still coming up. It doesn’t matter. With Spring comes resurrection, new life, new hope. This is God’s hint to us that we get second, and third chances. It’s His way of saying to us….it’s okay! Try again.
The Almighty “Do Over.”