I'm not sure where I am right now. There's nothing hideously wrong, really. And, my love for God and my whole place with Him is very secure.
It's just that I'm kind of afraid to move.
See, it's been a long year. Not 2006....just from last April to now. I'm ready for things to get...different. Some of you know the whole lupus/fibromyalgia thing, and that in April of last year I got hit with the tinnitus thing....3 noises in my head 24/7.....ringing, jet engine roar, and static. Thank God it doesn't create the same response as it did several months ago. It stopped me in my tracks at that time. Then, just about the time I started getting used to it, something else came up that slowed me down. God gave me victory over that. Then, something else, then something else.
Consequently, I haven't worked a lot in the last year. I'm one of those wierdos that like to work for work's sake. Well, I kinda have to work, too. It hasn't been bad...we're not rifling through dumpsters or anything. We live comfy and we're not materialistic people. My spouse has a good job, and he's been doing some stuff on the side which has taken the pressure off of me for the time being to fill the gap. I'm an artist and writer...I do mostly murals or special wall finishes, and I write marketing stuff. It's weird, because just the right work has been available to me that I can do either at home or that isn't physically exhausting while I get my iron level back up. And, I've had lots of time to homeschool my 14 year old, read, research, read blogs and learn a lot from all of you.
But, I'm starting to feel like one of those boppy clown toys that you whap down and it pops back up. Whap. Down. Up. Whap. Down. Up.
Is God trying to tell me something?
My 18 year old says maybe that God is showing me that if I slow down, that things will still work out; that we're not panhandling on the corner, and that maybe I'm supposed to chill out. 18 year olds know everything...
It's weird because I'm such a type A personality...and this slow time isn't really bugging me a whole lot. Simon, over at his blog says: (Simon says! ha! I love that) "....I have fallen into His arms a billion times and now I like to just stay there." Yeah. It's a really comfy place to be!
My dilemma is, when I start getting more energy, will I stay there?
Or will I jump up, run out and start all over again with the workaholic thing? Then will the whapping and popping start all over again?
So, I guess it's the whapping that makes me kind of afraid to move.