Saturday, February 25, 2006

Just warmin' up...

Well, I'm starting to get my energy back, I think....

I still have that "kind of scared to get back up because of the whappage" thing goin' on. But I decided that since I'm not hauling a lot of paint cans and ladders around lately, that walking Gracie is just not enough exercise to keep excess tonnage from creeping onto my bod. Doc said nothing severely strenuous, so I went out and got a "Beginning Mat Work Pilates" DVD.
I looked at the picture...it didn't look strenuous. After all, I have done Tai Bo in the past with good success. Good success meaning, like, no heart attack, stroke, or broken bones or anything...

So I get this DVD and decide to start it last night. The minute I hit the floor to do this apparently life-changing exercise, the dog is in my face...sticking her nose in my eye, standing on my hair, then lying down RIGHT behind me as I'm trying to do this rocker thing they're trying desperately to teach me. Okay...dog outta the room....

Then this sugary sweet virtual teacher is talking about the next thing we'll do that defies gravity in this realm, and all I hear is, "blah blah blah....and then YOU can have perky buns like ME!"

I get video exercise tapes and such so I'm not tempted to smack the instructor.

I did not realize that parts of me were supposed to move in grotesquely unnatural ways, and that this would be called exercise. I really don't think that, while on your right side, your left leg is supposed to be bent and placed with flat foot in front of your belly. And this is the beginning tape. At this point in the torture, I couldn't even MOVE my legs and was grateful that I have a yellow lab because they are supposed to be great helper dogs...only I had locked her in another room and I was stranded on the floor, all alone in the house except for Miss Perky Buns.

Apparently this Pilates thing has been around for quite some time. I thought it was new. Maybe that's because no one really talks about it...with good reason. There is also some huge ball you're supposed to use as you progress onto later levels. What do you do, strap yourself onto the ball and roll around because you're paralyzed from muscle strain?? I don't think so. And this Mr. Pilates guy. I think he's dead. That's probably best.

I'm going back to my ladders and paint cans.

17 comments:

Joe said...

Like it or not it must be time for you to get a Med-Alert. Just press the button with the best hand you have and scream "I've fallen down and I can't get up". The firemen will be there in a matter of minutes to rescue you off the Pilates mat.

Call 1-800-MED-ALERT

You might also be interested in:

1-888-OUR-AARP

TX Dept of Aging 1-512-438-3011

(Smile!)

Patchouli said...

Ouch, Joe!

Karen said...

Joe!! LOL!!!!!!!!

Patchi....you'll understand in about 9 years!

Bar Bar A said...

You had me laughing out loud with this one! I have tried Pilates and can't for the life of me do them. I'll stick with yoga, way easier and probably just as good.

My dog would do the same thing, they'll ignore you for hours but once you get on the floor they wont' leave you alone!

Thanks for the wonderful comment you left for me, I treasure it :)

Karen said...

Hey, thanks, new friend Barbara!
:-D

Maybe I should look into the yoga thing......

Bruce said...

This was one of the funniest things I've read in a while. My wife is always doing one of those videos, but fortunately she turns the volume off and listens to CDs. Those leaders are just too damn perky!

And Joe is not a kind person. If I get one more mailing from AARP, I'm going to scream. WE ARE NOT OLD!

Thanks for your comment. I appreciate the words.

B~

Karen said...

Bruce...why didn't I think of that? Listen to CD's instead of those pesky, perky, chicklets?
Thanks for the tip!
No, we're not old! I haven't received any AARP stuff yet. When I do, is that the time to "hang it all up?"
:-O

bjk said...

What am I doing reading this and all these re: to AARP ......Me I'm coming in under the radar with them they'll NEVER find me!!!

I know I DO need to follow you re: the exercise thing though...

Bar Bar A said...

I added you to my links! Thanks for speaking up, that's why I ask I didn't want to miss anyone!

Simon said...

They give you the big round ball to remind you of what you will look like if you dont do the exercise.

Karen said...

Simon, I was afraid of that! LOL
I'm TRYING, I'm TRYING!!!

Karen said...

Yay, new friend Barbara!

Lisa said...

laughed out loud at this one, Karen!

Bruce said...

Simon, that was great...I'll have to tell my wife that one. Once we get the dirty clothes off the ball, I'm sure she'll start using it. :-)

Karen, don't give up once you start getting those AARP envelopes. I find that if you ignore them you don't get any older.

B~

Karen said...

>>Simon, that was great...I'll have to tell my wife that one. Once we get the dirty clothes off the ball, I'm sure she'll start using it. :-)<<

You guys can be soooo cruel....
:{

Bruce said...

Don't get me wrong...my wife is in good shape. But the ball is like a lot of other exercise stuff we have around here. I'm impressed that she does the DVD at all. But then I'm basically lazy and any exercise impresses me.

B~

Karen said...

I know you were kidding, Bruce!
Our ski machine was great for hanging those hand washables! :-)