Saturday, December 29, 2007

Last O the year ramblings....

Update: Didn't have to make a new blog....I've joined Gary Means on his Faithfully Finding Fitness blog with Barbara and Erin. Come visit!

I was considering another blog. Now, I'm not sure that's a smart move. Maybe I'll just incorporate what I want in one more blog here, instead. I just don't know how much you all want to listen to my "Journey of Getting Better" or whatever.

I'm totally inspired by Gary Means Fitness blog. This guy is smart, talented, and a trooper-- and he is so honest about his journey right now. (Sorry KB--had to use that word TWICE!)

I just got back from my Chinese doctor, Dr. S. I realized my prednisone was going to be leaving my system soon, and it was either going to be more pred if my numbers weren't good...or I needed to take charge of my health. I'm now experiencing something of what is called Sjogren's Syndrome along with the lupus and fibro. Dry, gritty eyes and parched mouth are not something I want to tolerate. The list of this crap piling up on me, plus a screaming case of tinnitus is, if not life-threatening, then crazy-making at the least.

She gave me a treatment and loaded me up with some pretty good supplements. I cross check with my DO on most stuff, but whenever I've been faithful to visit Dr. S, I'm usually staying pretty well. Why, then, Karen, don't you go more often to Dr. S? Well, my friend, because I have no flex insurance money left til July and it's a big hit in the pocketbook. Think cost of regular docs and meds if insurance didn't pay. That's all well and good, but a stupid reason to not go to her. She is so caring and listens. I'm usually there for a couple of hours. They play pretty, soothing, music, cover you with soft blankies, and even offer a cup of green tea or water.

I sometimes start to feel the old panic when I feel the weird sensation of being trapped in this body. I suppose anyone with chronic stuff feels that. It usually happens in the wee hours of the morning, when everyone else is sleeping. Just the feeling of wanting OUT of the flesh suit just for a little bit of time...away from pain, discomfort, etc., just a little peace. I'm starting to have that. The secret is to get out of bed and sit somewhere comfy and just talk with Father.

When I was trying not to worry about the results of my CT scan and planning The Plan in case I got bad news, I was working hard on the mural and listening to worship music. I asked God for guidance...to just BE with me no matter what and to guide me and to keep me in the NOW....not in the future or in the past...but just to live one day at a time and not worry so freaking much. Something came over me one of those days. I experienced something that I've never really experienced in a spiritual manner.

I experienced joy. Real joy. Yes, we have joy with friends, family, especially watching our children. But this was joy revealed in the stuff we don't normally get joyful over....joy in sunlight shadows, moon shadows, in colors in the landscape, in leaves, in a funny scene...absolute JOY that spread all over me. Spiritual joy. Smiling out loud at Creation's beauty joy. It was amazing, and it hasn't left me, or at least not for long. It comes back with a slamdunk into my soul and I'm feeling better in a split second. I'll be sitting, having coffee in the early morning, and it will just pour all over me. The Joy, not the coffee. I don't second guess it. I'm just incredibly grateful for it. I'm not describing it very well. I'm just praying for you to get it, too.

So, I start 2008 with spiritual armor in place: the knowledge that God will get me through whatever; the healing and caring of a DO and OMD; support and spiritual understanding of many good friends and family (that means you, too!); a renewed passion for eating for health and wellness, and a renewed passion for taking art in a new direction.

Sounds good.

11 comments:

Barbara (aka Layla) said...

....and even with all your pain and ailments you find the time and energy to reach out to others who are not suffering from nearly as much stuff as you. Thanks for encouraging me in my pain. I feel petty when I think of what you endure (and KBob's wife).

I love your blog. I'd read ten of them if you had ten :)

karen said...

Barbara, the pain you are experiencing is unrelenting and NOT petty!! Everyone has a story, everyone has something, says a blind friend of mine.
I'm glad we can help each other. There is hardly a handful of folks that I see face to face that I can go to for support.

codepoke said...

This was abundantly practical, helpful and a joy to read. Thank you. The way you feel and process your fears makes me feel less alone with mine. Thank you. May the Lord bless your decisions and commitment!

karen said...

Thanks, CP..blogworld is a good world...
I just saw a scripture this morning from Proverbs...something about "commit to the Lord your ways and all your plans will be successful" or something like that.
Good Word for resolutions! :-)

pearlie said...

The joy of the Lord is certainly our strength and I am happy you have found it and reminded me of it as well - what more in the close of the year, we more often dwell more on the regrets. It is a joy reading you :)

Milly said...

What they said and praying for you.

Kansas Bob said...

Thanks for sharing this Karen.. I began to tear up when you began speaking of spiritual joy. I am thanking Him for giving you that joy!

In Him, Bob

chris said...

I'm glad you found spiritual joy through all of your trials. Your an inspiration to me!

Pat said...

You are an inspiration to us all. May God send His joy more and more!

Paige said...

You are amazing; I know it's not you but God working through you. The joy you speak of is awesome powerful-- I love how you say it made you "smile out loud". It breaks free of the "skin suit" and radiates out to be seen, passed around to others and felt within.
Prayers of a happy safe and healthful New year to you my sister.

karen said...

Thank you to all of you. You are all a part of that Spiritual JOY!