Kurt is more mobile, but his balance is terrible...which is normal. The case manager nurse thinks it may be an exacerbation of his SOPCA (sporadic olivoponticerebellar ataxia) There's one for your word files.
Well, sadly, the nurse knows less than we do. We just don't know. He is weaker because he's been laying around. I left him to go run some errands and he took a nap; when I got back he was back in his wheelchair, had his fanny pack on, and almost made it to the door to greet me. He is being careful not to hurt himself because he knows that will be really, really bad. I spent a bit of time tracking down the doctor who ordered the MRI, and we don't have those results back. I turned that search over to our family doc. I'll be surprised (pleasantly) if he didn't suffer a teeny TIA. I've done a little searching and actually found that some with similar disorders have had improvement with traditional Chinese medicine. Not surprising...it's helped me. I may take him to my Chinese doc. It may give him a positive feeling. That cannot hurt a bit, and may make all the difference. Anyway, he got into his scooter and joined his "under the stairway" apartment friends for a bit of a chat.
Otherwise, I think he may do better with physical therapy; perhaps it will buy him independence for a bit longer. Or, maybe that's the 1/2 oz of wine I'm ingesting right now talking. I figure grapes are natural, and it seems to be taking the edge off the freaking anxiety I'm having. Don't worry. No plans to become an alcoholic. My tolerance lasts for about that 1/2 oz. I'm done, but I feel better.
The case nurse found out I have lupus, and suggested that I don't need this stress. Well, no, this kind of stress is just for other folks, certainly not ME! Heck, NO ONE needs this kind of stress! My dad lives this 24/7. Kansas Bob lives this 24/7. The big difference, though, is, this is not my husband, nor my child. This is my brother, who I think is really a good person at heart, but has chosen to be pissy to me most of my life.
I'm admitting right here. I'm scared, I'm tired, and I really don't want to deal with this. Some Christian gal, huh? I am seeing the road down the way. I should be grateful that I'm on the delivery end, not the receiving end. Shame on me. Truly.
I tended my grandparents. I tended my mom. I tended my in-laws. This is different. Not a parent, nor a child. Of course, I feel compassion for him...let me tell you, it's a cruel disease; but my compassion is mixed with irritation and I am ashamed. I get flashbacks about my childhood, growing up with him. When he was able he beat on me every chance he got. My mother and father enabled him by not making him live on his own when it would have been optimum timing to do so. When I had kids, he says he loves them, I'm sure he does, but he has been jealous of their "normalcy" and has picked on them. He couldn't drive, so it was easier to have him live at home for convenience. He didn't live on his own til my mom died when he was 42. My dad remarried and set him out on his own in an apartment. I moved him closer to us when my stepmom became ill with supranuclear progressive palsy, so he could be independent, but not a 25 mile drive for me. Dad's pretty well tied up.
Supranuclear progressive palsy.
There's another one for your word file.
Thank you for your prayers. I guess I need them for my hard heart. This may be one of those I delete in a couple of minutes, because you'll surely think I'm mean.
Thanks to my Kentucky blog friend for the call. Blogworld truly rocks. Thanks, Connie, for the encouraging calls and strong Words. Thanks, Kyle, for stepping up to help your ol' mom. You make me proud.
Thank you all for your support. It means the world to me.