Saturday, October 06, 2007

Fear Factors

Well, I knew I wasn't feeling great. I've been exercising never the less....nothing too strenuous, just walking and Curves, and still working. I'm eating healthy food, and taking my supplements.
I pray and believe. Doing all the right stuff. My bloodwork shows I'm in the worse Lupus flare I've ever had--with a new twist high Rheumatoid factor. The ANA was 1:1280 . That's outrageous. I've never been that bad before.

I was having problems walking in the morning, moving. It would take some time to loosen everything up. My doc figured it was the fibromyalgia because my ANA's run notoriously reasonable. Now, I've had a shot of slow and fast acting dexamethazone and he wants me to start a 2 week course of prednisone. I have to say that I think seasonal allergies play a large part in auto-immune disorders and if I were to go through my posts, I imagine that in the Spring and Fall there will be posts similar to this. It's funny how our minds mess with our bodies, and I try to remember this. I was feeling much better until I got my blood results! HA!
Tell me something icky, and plbbbblt....down she goes!

This isn't a pity post, but I'll admit I'm a tad concerned. I have a big mural job coming up and the thought of giving up the art for hire has occurred to me. Turning 50 with the usual "parts falling off slowly" stuff isn't helping my mood. Things change as we age, and we are staring mortality in the face. I think I'm worried about all the chemical intervention that might be needed to maintain. Maintaining is good, though, yes?

One of the problems with this stuff is something many of you deal with. Invisible Chronic Diseases. Barbara at Prodigal Daughter posted on something similar. We look well enough, and we start getting the "all in your head" stuff or just no real understanding. Hubby and I spent a bit of time explaining to friends why we didn't want to go dancing in Ft. Worth tonight at 8pm.

Anyway. . .I spout off about faith and trust and placing ourselves in His hands, and then I get hit with this and that flies out the window.

Well, not entirely, but the back and forth between "I'm fine" and "What'll I do?" is annoying. I'd like to be in the place to just roll with the punches and move on.

I know a lot of you can relate and we've discussed this before.

How do you handle it when the fear factor hits with tough situations?

LOL...I went over to Dave's blog immediately after writing this post. I got an answer: his blog wouldn't load up except for the title:
Giving Thanks in All Circumstances
That's awesome! Sounds like a plan! :-D


codepoke said...

I'm experiencing some fear of death right now. My dad died young of heart trouble (58) and I'm feeling less than perfect these days. (Yeah, I'm doing the doc stuff.)

I don't know about anyone else, but I cried about everything bothering me, then reminded myself that I live or die based upon what God has for me to do. Nothing else. It took a little while, and it didn't fix anything, but I was able to sleep. I'll do it again tonight. He's faithful, so I'll wait on Him.

NOTHING I'm going through compares to the terror I'd feel in your shoes, so you have my absolute respect. Praise the Lord for the good work and beauty we see Him working in you, even if you probably don't.

Love ya, sister.

NoVA Dad said...

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a rough patch; please know you've got my ongoing prayers. Not sure if this will help or not, but my mother has been telling me for 37 years (and will continue to do so for as long as she's around, I'm sure) that God is never going to put more on you then you can handle. Rather than being something to wear you down, this could be something to build up your strength -- strength of mind, strength of body (eventually), and strength of spirit.

Kansas Bob said...

I am so sorry that you are experiencing such physical difficulty Karen. I pray that God will grant you quick relief and recovery.

About "How do you handle it when the fear factor hits with tough situations?"

My approach is to:

1) openly acknowledge it (sometimes humbling to tell people.. even friends.. that you are afraid)

2) reach out for prayer and support.. again difficult because so few understand what you are experiencing.

3) lean into my heart.. most of the fear comes when I engage my brain and start to "think ahead".. I hate when I do that.

4) wait on the Lord.. Ann said that she was encouraged this week as she remembered that wait is sometimes translated 'hope'.. guess that is what waiting is all about.

5) in everything give thanks.. but you already got that one!

Not that I have any formulas or anything :)

Blessings, Bob

Barbara (aka Layla) said...

UGH! I hate it that your in a bad flare up! I am sorry to hear it. I have no answers, I fluctuate back and forth too between faith and fear. Sometimes I just hug my pillow and cry out to God. Also, thinking about how blessed I am to have such minor things to deal with in comparison to so many others - like you and "Kansas Ann".

Milly said...

The allergies around these parts have been different this year. I don’t know if they are where you folks are but they are hitting our bodies rather hard. I get a lecture from my doctor ever time I go to see him. Clearly I have to join a gym.

Hold on folks life isn’t our writing. He writes it.

karen said...

Thank you all. We all have our trials, don't we? I know you have and you are all in my prayers for your stuff. Matt, I hope your new jobs are making you both happy!

I'm just about done with my pity party and getting on with it! I did a lot of resting this weekend with soothing tunes. . .but I got a lot of laundry done, cleaning, and cooked.
I love this community.