All of my life I have been afraid to really enjoy myself. Where does that come from? I really don't know. Some can identify with this, some can't. I think it comes from old rejection baggage and a lack of self-love. Wah. I always had this feeling in the back of my mind that if I am happy, something will come along and whap me down. I posted something like this a while ago about feeling like those whappy clowns that you can hit, they fall, bounce back up, etc.
I got some weird blood test results from the doctor, in fact he took several days to get back to me about them. He couldn't figure them out, either, but it looks like the lupus is taking a weird and unwanted turn. As much as he and I (never knew he wasn't a fan of pills!) don't want to use drugs too much, we agreed to a short course of prednisone and an alternate-day change on my thyroid meds. I'm dreading the side effects of the prednisone. . . but figure it will jazz me up to get stuff done in the next week!
Anyway, this isn't a pity-post. It's really about some changes in attitude that I'm going to make. I'm reading a book by Bernie Seigel, M.D. You've probably heard about it. . . Love, Medicine and Miracles is the title, I think. I ordered it a week or so ago, almost prophetically. As I've started it, it has really inspired me already. I'm not anywhere near what some of his patients have gone through. It's about exceptional patients who have healed themselves (we know the source of that healing, even though so far he hasn't taken a "God" stance) and defied the prognoses of doctors. Anyone dealing with any kind of disease issue could benefit from this. . .and people who might be afraid of the future of their health.
So, instead of engaging in panic mode, as is my usual M.O., I'm going to sit down and write out for myself a plan of enjoying my life, moving forward, and all the stuff that makes me so happy. . . like our Father, my family, my critters, my friends and all of you blogpals, and my work. We have to remember to, as I think Kansas Bob may post about, letting HIM REALLY take the reins. That whappy clown needs to be placed against a wall so he can't fall down, and we all need lean against the only One who matters!
Because, I really AM happy! :-) Have a blessed weekend. You are all so very wonderful!