Saturday, October 21, 2006

I've never really liked clowns....

All of my life I have been afraid to really enjoy myself. Where does that come from? I really don't know. Some can identify with this, some can't. I think it comes from old rejection baggage and a lack of self-love. Wah. I always had this feeling in the back of my mind that if I am happy, something will come along and whap me down. I posted something like this a while ago about feeling like those whappy clowns that you can hit, they fall, bounce back up, etc.

I got some weird blood test results from the doctor, in fact he took several days to get back to me about them. He couldn't figure them out, either, but it looks like the lupus is taking a weird and unwanted turn. As much as he and I (never knew he wasn't a fan of pills!) don't want to use drugs too much, we agreed to a short course of prednisone and an alternate-day change on my thyroid meds. I'm dreading the side effects of the prednisone. . . but figure it will jazz me up to get stuff done in the next week!

Anyway, this isn't a pity-post. It's really about some changes in attitude that I'm going to make. I'm reading a book by Bernie Seigel, M.D. You've probably heard about it. . . Love, Medicine and Miracles is the title, I think. I ordered it a week or so ago, almost prophetically. As I've started it, it has really inspired me already. I'm not anywhere near what some of his patients have gone through. It's about exceptional patients who have healed themselves (we know the source of that healing, even though so far he hasn't taken a "God" stance) and defied the prognoses of doctors. Anyone dealing with any kind of disease issue could benefit from this. . .and people who might be afraid of the future of their health.

So, instead of engaging in panic mode, as is my usual M.O., I'm going to sit down and write out for myself a plan of enjoying my life, moving forward, and all the stuff that makes me so happy. . . like our Father, my family, my critters, my friends and all of you blogpals, and my work. We have to remember to, as I think Kansas Bob may post about, letting HIM REALLY take the reins. That whappy clown needs to be placed against a wall so he can't fall down, and we all need lean against the only One who matters!

Because, I really AM happy! :-) Have a blessed weekend. You are all so very wonderful!

9 comments:

Kansas Bob said...

Thought you were going to mention Cosmo Kramer (ala Seinfeld) and his fear of clowns :)

My wife's prednisone taper ends on Monday - WooHoo! I'm interested in hearing more about the book and if it helps you.

Happy Saturday Karen!

Fish said...

Karen,
You are truly an inspiration with your positive attitude about Life and everything it throws at you. I just want you to know that.

Before I "Met" you I tended more often to let this get to me, and your little emails and pep talks and just your example in how to face life's hardships has kept me going.

You are in my prayers.

Karen said...

Thanks, Bob. You've had more on your plate than you deserve to handle--prayers for Ann.
Fish. . .thank you, but it's ironic that the words you wrote come from someone who has endured illness, hurricane, religious betrayal. . . and more. You are an inspiration to me, as well.

codepoke said...

That sword IS still out!

Praise the Lord for His grace in you, and coming through you. We will pray.

Karen said...

God bless ya, CP. . .
yeah, that's how the name came about! :-D

BarBarA said...

Yep, you are an inspiration. Thanks.

Matt said...

So many people could get a lot of inspiration from your approach to life, especially at times such as this. I try as hard as possible not to let the "whappy downs" (can we copyright that phrase???) get to me; at times, it's hard not to let them knock me down a few notches, but for the most part I just let it hit, flip it off, and then go chugging on to the next part of the day.

Prayers will continue to be sent your way (as always) -- and you have a great weekend as well.

- Matt

Milly said...

You’ve got some prayers Honey.

bjk said...

You are in my prayers.....keep us in the loop....love b