O, whaddarollercoaster!

I'm on my short course of prednisone, and man. . . it messes with me! I have two days of in-school suspension duty tomorrow. Why did I take that? God told me, I guess. I'm actually looking forward to it, but hope that the cortisone doesn't cause inability to control my emotions, or overexaggerates them. Yesterday, I was tagging along with some very large gangsta types (they made me look petite!) in some classes at a high school. I complimented one of them on the crucifix he was wearing and he explained that his dad gave it to him; his late father. I asked what happened, and he said his dad was murdered. This subbing stuff is bigger than I thought it would be. I just don't like the higher paying teacher subbing as much as the special needs stuff. Guess I'm where He wants me to be; it's painful, but at the end of the day, I feel that I've been useful as opposed to being a babysitter.

I was talking to my friend last night. Her dad passed away this week. He was, frankly, a horrible man; her family is at her from all sides trying to get her up to the service, to respond, etc. She has honored him by breaking the generational curse of all kinds of abuse. I stand with her, and support her feelings. She is a testimony to love, to courage, to faithfulness.

I just sometimes wonder what God is thinking? The old question; is God doing this? Nah. We know the cause of evil and suffering on Earth. He is there for all of us; to pick us up and brush us off. It's still painful to see. . .pain.

An Auntie of note. . .

Oh, man. One of those senior moments...looking frantically for my glasses...which were on my face...

Got home at midnight last night after a good work session on a trade show set. I'll post some pictures soon.

Saturday went to a memorial service for the 92 year old aunt of a ministry friend of mine who is, herself, in her 70's.

This is quite a story. The auntie, C, was quite a woman. She married late in life because she tended her sick father. When she did marry, she married for over 40 years to a Christian man. They both ministered in many ways. C heard that many babies at a local county hospital were going home wrapped in newspapers, so she set about cranking out baby blankets and caps. Tons of them. She was a seamstress, an arts and crafts freak, a baker, and with no children of her own, was a grandparent to many neighbors and nieces and nephews. The love for her that was expressed at the service was amazing. Even more amazing, C had Alzheimer's, and she stayed in her home where she died peacefully last Monday. She was tended not only by her family members; neighbors shouldered much of the responsibility to keep her from going to a nursing home. She had round the clock care. Who of us would do this not only for our family. . . but for a neighbor?

What a testimony to truly walking the walk, both C and her neighbors and family! C reaped what she sowed, and I pray that her family and friends are blessed as well by their tender and faithful care.

I didn't know her, but I was truly honored and blessed to learn about her, and rejoice in a life well lived for Him.

I've never really liked clowns....

All of my life I have been afraid to really enjoy myself. Where does that come from? I really don't know. Some can identify with this, some can't. I think it comes from old rejection baggage and a lack of self-love. Wah. I always had this feeling in the back of my mind that if I am happy, something will come along and whap me down. I posted something like this a while ago about feeling like those whappy clowns that you can hit, they fall, bounce back up, etc.

I got some weird blood test results from the doctor, in fact he took several days to get back to me about them. He couldn't figure them out, either, but it looks like the lupus is taking a weird and unwanted turn. As much as he and I (never knew he wasn't a fan of pills!) don't want to use drugs too much, we agreed to a short course of prednisone and an alternate-day change on my thyroid meds. I'm dreading the side effects of the prednisone. . . but figure it will jazz me up to get stuff done in the next week!

Anyway, this isn't a pity-post. It's really about some changes in attitude that I'm going to make. I'm reading a book by Bernie Seigel, M.D. You've probably heard about it. . . Love, Medicine and Miracles is the title, I think. I ordered it a week or so ago, almost prophetically. As I've started it, it has really inspired me already. I'm not anywhere near what some of his patients have gone through. It's about exceptional patients who have healed themselves (we know the source of that healing, even though so far he hasn't taken a "God" stance) and defied the prognoses of doctors. Anyone dealing with any kind of disease issue could benefit from this. . .and people who might be afraid of the future of their health.

So, instead of engaging in panic mode, as is my usual M.O., I'm going to sit down and write out for myself a plan of enjoying my life, moving forward, and all the stuff that makes me so happy. . . like our Father, my family, my critters, my friends and all of you blogpals, and my work. We have to remember to, as I think Kansas Bob may post about, letting HIM REALLY take the reins. That whappy clown needs to be placed against a wall so he can't fall down, and we all need lean against the only One who matters!

Because, I really AM happy! :-) Have a blessed weekend. You are all so very wonderful!

If I wuz any better...

BruceD said, "Life is interesting, then it gets REAL interesting!" I read my last post...sounds like a nut house around here. Bruce then said it sounded like I'm okay, though.

I am! I'm all happy in my head! If I were any better, I'd be twins! Hope you're all the same!

Missing blogland....

I feel like I've been gone forever. Could we add about 12 more hours to the day?

My hubby's mom is in rehab, and that's been taking some time...she is 30 miles away. We spent our 24th anniversary Sunday battling weird traffic, rainstorm, and fatigue from working to get over to see her. Her first words were, "I figured you all had forgot about me." Man, that makes me crazy! ;-)

Oldest son's car is in the shop, so have been working on a set in the wee hours of the morning, coming home and letting him use the car to get to school...or driving him and picking up. How did people make it with one car? I seem to remember those days!

Subbed a couple days for an art teacher last week. In a science lab. With pencils, crayons, and paper. The teacher was packing up to trade with the Spanish teacher at another school for 9 weeks, so supplies were limited. It was fun. And interesting. The instructions for the youngers was to draw their family with these construction paper crayons on black paper, then when they were done, they could draw what they wanted. Things were going well, but I could see they were scurrying through everything and we'd have empty time. So, bright me suggests that some of them might want to share their pictures with the class. One little lass stands up and tells about her "Super Hamster"drawing...he was so cute with his little cape and little costume, and little cap on his little head...then she shows us the little poop coming out from behind him. Hmm. Thank you, dear. We then recited the word "appropriate," its meaning, etc. Ha! I strolled around and some kid came up and said that another kid was drawing "private parts." He was actually drawing, well...it wasn't inappropriate unless you looked at it just . . . so. Another kid drew a picture and labeled it "Naked Loin." I was about to toss in the towel when I realized he had drawn a lion without a mane. HA! This is so fun! :-) And funny! And no pukage!

Anyway...I miss you all and am going to catch up! Have a good one!

baby chronicles...

You know those classes in high school that have the kids carry an egg around with a "spouse" and they have to take care of the egg, share responsibility, and not break the egg? Or the classes with the fake baby that cries, etc., at odd times just like a real one...and these classes are supposed to teach the kids not to get pregnant?

They don't work.

Our surrogate son, R, 20 years old, will be a daddy in the next week or two. He and his girlfriend, B, have matured tremendously in the past few months, and R is stepping up to the plate, and they are making plans about what they'll do. The problem is, R's job fell through. ......there just wasn't enough work. Now, R is scrambling for a job with a car that needs a LOT of work. He really needs a job with a schedule. He has to have routine...at one time he was working for a friend who he really liked and admired, but he realized he couldn't take not knowing where he was going to be working the next day.

He came out here last night with a friend that my son and he hadn't seen for months because he was working in Connecticut, and R ended up asleep on my sofa...after calling B. I was a tad irritated that he wasn't with her, she was okay with it (told him she wasn't having the baby without him!) ...and realized this might be a security blanket trip....a trip "home" to have a bit of comfort.

He'll get through this, there are lots of "grandparents" around..(maybe this will retrain me with puking! ;-) ) and lots of love for little baby Michael. I'm excited, and yet, having the parental pangs that I can't fix everything...

saturday afternoon....

I'm just going to ramble again. Trying to figure out who to learn about next (if you think I'm trying to "teach" any of you anything about women in the Bible, please think again. I'm teaching myself by doing this.) I'm thinking Phoebe....

It's been a tough week. Hubby's mom was in the hospital, now in rehab. She is a cancer survivor and has always been a fighter, but since Sid died, she doesn't seem to want to bounce back from anything. Hubby's sis has been staying with her, partly out of necessity financially. Please keep MIL in prayer. She's a good gal.

My allergies kicked in with the fall...a hard time for autoimmune diseases. So I started with some Claritin, or however its spelled, and that seems to be helping. My allergies set off the Lupus symptoms, pain, stiffness, etc. Couple that with being a tad bit older ;-) and ick. But, after a THREE HOUR nap...I feel better! :-) Ha! Who wouldn't? That big yella dog just cuddles up and I am OUT. She's a great heating pad. I took her for acupuncture this morning from a vet about 20 miles from here. Yes, yes, I know...acupuncture for the dog? Well, it's kept her in good shape and energetic with her kidney issues. The vet's a great guy, a goodly Jesus freek, and we've become good friends, supporting each other as well. He has developed a peripheral neuropathy of unknown origin. He's not diabetic, he's in good shape, healthy habits, etc., but it has curtailed his ability to do surgery. Pray for him, too, if you would.

I've also been dealing with the loss of a friendship. Several of you have written about your loss of women friends, and that has helped a lot.

Thursday last week, had a gig at a middle school....they had to shift me around in the special needs area because one child was being particularly violent. I told them not to worry, but they didn't want anything to happen, and they were all on edge. I was working with this one kid, who was doing very good...suddenly he jumps up, and crouches down behind his chair and stares at me like that face on that Grudge movie. His whole face had changed, and I averted my eyes back to the work he was working on. In my head, I said, "OK, Lord....these folks have had enough for one day! Please give them peace and comfort, and drive out any thing bad here." Please don't think I am saying that those sweet special needs kids are evil!! I do think that the enemy will try to take advantage of every situation he possibly can. Well, that boy got up and sat back down, then grabbed his books and went to the next class when the bell rang....and they moved me to the room with the violent child...but I wasn't concerned. The teacher asked me to cut out some laminated stuff; but added that if she said, "Scissors down!" I needed to hide the scissors. OKaaay. Still, wasn't concerned. There were two teachers in the room, and it was suddenly very quiet. I started thanking the Lord for that peace, when the other teacher said, "Wow...this is really weird. He's so quiet and peaceful now. We need to get subs in here more often!" and smiled at me. I smiled back and said, "It wasn't me!" ;-)

You. Take a day off. You deserve it.