Sunday, December 25, 2011

Where have I been?

Saw friend Donna in the store the other day. That's where we pretty much see each other when we see each other. ;-)
She said, "You're not writing much..." and I realized she meant my blog here. I haven't been here since February. Why is that? I talk about Facebook being so easy, yet voyeuristic. And, yet, I don't blog. Facebook has begun to make me feel vulnerable, too exposed. Too many coworkers, etc., that I'm friends with...I don't want everyone to know the inner workings of my life. Most don't know about this blog. I want to keep it that way.
I've had a rough patch these past months. Up and down Lupus numbers. I'm lucky that it's so mild...but fatigue is a difficult thing. People don't understand dragging through days sometimes. I love my job, though, and can always find the energy to go there. A smile or a hug from a child certainly transfers energy to my soul. These two weeks off were welcome since I've been battling bronchitis on top of everything else...but now I'll need to use the next week to rest up! No matter how much I resist, for some reason, since I'm the female...the holidays seem to rest upon my shoulders. It doesn't matter if I say I'm not up to it...I always cave and always do too much.
We have a new person in the house. A friend of my sons' who battles a few demons of his own. His family is very dysfunctional, and suffice to say, he has suffered for it. He has no car, is working, but no one in his family will house him and help him get back on his feet. He was in a car accident a few years ago, and his dad kept the insurance money instead of giving it to him for a down payment on a new car.
No car....hard to work. His mother, a hoarder and alcoholic whose other children won't speak to her, locked him out of the apartment in cold rain. His brother offered him a place to his car. These people say they are Christians.
He has a job now. Is saving money for a car. We'll be going to an auction soon, I hope.
I've seen so much selfishness, so much egocentrism, dishonesty, and arrogance lately that my heart is hurting. I don't understand. Can the world truly revolve around everyone individually all at once?? ;-)
So, this story and a bunch of others weigh on my heart and I cling to my little ones at school because I see sparks of love in them...and I want to feed that love. Maybe they'll remember that some old lady named Ms. D. told them that they would change the world for the better..and maybe they will! There is so much potential in these kids. What happens to alter us so horribly when we grow up?
Is this a bummer of a post?? Ha! Sorry. I'm pondering, and will continue to do so......Merry Christmas! Praying for the blessings of the Holy Spirit upon you all.


Lynne said...

Good to see you writing again, and learn a lot more than facebook reveals (or is meant to. I ache for that boy, and i ache the more to think how many times over that story is repeated with variations. kudos to you for offering him a belonging place.
hugs and prayers

Kansas Bob said...

I miss your bloggings Karen. Love the transparent way that you share your heart. Loved this:

"People don't understand dragging through days sometimes."

My days are filled with dragging and trying eek my way through pain and heartache.

Hope things get better in 2012 and I hope your week off is filled with a bit of joy.

Blessings, Bob

Maggie said...

I understand what you are saying, Karen. The frustrations, the heartbreak, the nature of communication these days.

FB is certainly an easy way to stay in touch, but I don't like the voyeuristic quality either.

I cleaned house several months ago and removed some people who never communicated with me thre. Man, what a backlash! But, I thought FB was supposed to be about communicating. I think some people like to know what we are doing but aren't very involved with us on a more personal level. It makes it easy for them to just check FB. They need to pick the f***ing phone up and call!

I can't know what it is like to have lupus and hope I never know, but I work with many people who have chronic pain and debilitating disorders. It's all they can do to make it to appts. You take good care of yourself, which helps, and you look good, which is one of those things that people can't understand. They say, "You look great. You don't look sick." They just don't know how much effort goes in to everything you do. I applaud your fierce determination to not let lupus run your life and your tenacity. I am hopeful there will be a cure soon, and if not that, at least something that can ease some of the side effects.

The children you work with are blessed to have you. Never doubt that! I still run into the "kids" I had in kindgergarten 25 years ago who hug me in the middle of a restaurant or shopping area and say, "Ms Margaret! You were always there for me." It is humbling, and I am grateful.

You take care of you. See you on FB!

karen said...

Thank you all for your comments! I'll be blogging more now, I hope. FB is just so very shallow...if everyone's life were as good as we portray, we'd all be very happy indeed! It's when people open up and let me know what's happening that I feel a connection...and the way they keep messing with the feed and walls, I miss a lot.