Argggghhhh. . .

Update 4/23/08
You all have no idea how much you've encouraged me. Your prayers were felt. Yesterday was fine--which was kind of scary. I even got a couple of hugs, and he is on level 1 because of behavior the previous day (not because he was disobeying me....because of later incidences).
Today we worked and he has to work for 4 hours cumulative before he can return to the classroom. I was trying to explain the amount of time he had left...which was really good, but he misunderstood and started throwing a fit a couple of times, but he calmed down after 1 warning from me. Trying to make him see the things he is getting upset about are little things. He spent time with the psychologist this morning. I met the Dr. and he is concerned that I have no training (for my protection). Whatever. He quizzed me on hypothetical happenings and what I would do. Guess I passed.
The child was yelling when the Dr. was in the room and the Dr. said, "Hey, (name) that makes my ears hurt." I thought...I don't think that (name) cares if your ears hurt!
Anyway, Milly has it pegged. We're all about the "feelings" and the "feel good" etc., and not the accountability...and school is the one place these kids could have a stable existence...and the school gives away the security by giving the kids the power.
Anyway, thanks all. Blogworld rocks.


Okay....I've had about enough of the fun-at-school-for-very-little-pay. I was so out of it, I ran a red light today--no one around, but I was driving my husband's car, just dropped him off at the airport. Strange intersection, strange car, and didn't want to slam on the brakes, so went ahead. Light turned red, I was entering the intersection. Camera in operation, so it will probably take me 4 days to pay off a ticket. I haven't had a ticket in 22 years. Welcome to defensive driving. Serves me right. Red flag to pay attention. You all pay attention, too, 'k?

Anyway, they have stuck me with this emotionally disturbed child at school for around 3.5 hours a day. I always get put with the disturbed ones. I'M A SUB!!!! No other aide has him--or has EVER had him--for that length of time. He had a horrible weekend, violence in the family, and both parents arrested. Stepfather held knife to his little brother's neck. This kid told the stepfather that if he hurt his little brother, he'd kill him.
This kid is 9 years old. I know this is awful. But the school needs to be a safe, consistent, firm, and loving (truthful loving, not the fake variety) place for him.
Why am I in charge here? I watched this little fellow manipulate, disobey, hit kids, throw fits, break the rules, go into hiding, run, etc., in the halls. We're not supposed to chase him. We were hunting him down in the halls and he appeared behind me. I asked him what he was doing.
"Hiding from all of you."
"Let's go to the Diagnostic lab. Your teacher is looking for you."
He starts running in the hall toward the lab.
"Stop running. Walk."
"No! I don't have to listen to you."
"Yes, you do, and don't speak to me like that."
He stops in front of the fire extinguisher. He opens the door. He slowly starts reaching in. I'm half a hall away.
"Stop. Get your hands off of that."
"No!!"
"Yes. Close the door."
I'm up with him; he pulls his hand back. I close the door. The teacher comes up the hall. He runs to her. I say, "Stop running. Walk." The teacher says, "Where have you been sweetie? We've been so worried about you."
He throws out the lower lip and says, "I want to talk about this weekend." She smiles at me, knowingly. He wants to talk about it--isn't that wonderful? I can't say a word because he's standing there. I tell her when we're alone that he was about to pull out the fire extinguisher. She smiles and says, "Hmmm, I would say, when he does things like that: 'We don't want to do that--that would cause a lot of problems.'"
???
Kids like this don't scare me. They trouble me. He has done, however in a roundabout way, most of what I've ever told him to do.
The counselor was standing there and looking at me condescendingly. After all, what could I possibly know about handling kids like this? It's true, I haven't been trained in the "new" ways. So, why am I put in this position? Because no one else wants to do it, that's why.
Some folks think, maybe you're there to make a change.
Some think...it's a God thing that you're there for those kids.
I think I'm being taken advantage of.
I'm taking a breather tonight, and praying about this mess. It's destroyed what little joy I was getting out of being there.