Am I patient, or stupid?

For the most part, in my 23 years in my home, my neighbors have been great. The one to the east of us has been here almost as long; the four closest to us on the street as well. We've all talked and no one is planning on going anywhere in the future. Our most yuppie, non-childed neighbors have just added on a beautiful addition because they want to stay. It's not like we all party or anything. We're just kind to one another, and if anyone needed anything, we'd be there for each other. It's a good situation. My neighbor to the west, well, you know the story. Still, I've never been rude to him, and now he waves at us, smiles, etc. Of course, he's very happy the trees are gone, but I did that for me, not him. With the 50 mph winds that have kicked branches and trees down around here. . .I'm so glad I did that.

I have two neighbors in the back, though, that are trying my patience. One on the left has her sprinkler adjusted so it pounds the fence and rots it out quicker than normal. She doesn't want her spa house to get wet. She lost a couple of moon flower vines and lamented to me that she missed them. I imagine it was because they got too wet. Anyone have any experience in successfully getting neighbors to share cost for a shared fence section?

Neighbor to the right moved in, gutted the house and has a screaming toddler. She is cute, but obviously rules the roost. I went over one day and asked him to check his sprinkler system because our yard was being flooded all the time. He never did, because the problem went on for a month or more. . . .until he sheepishly said he got a $4oo.oo water bill. See, he wasn't going to do anything til it became a problem for HIM.

Now, he's installed a bug zapper. I can't believe people still use those things. Isn't it common knowledge that they are more harmful than helpful? I just don't want to say anything. Maybe there's something we do that annoys him as well. Maybe my dog bugs him or something. She is very quiet out there, rarely barks, but maybe there is something. I sat out at 4:30 this morning--it's a ritual for me to sit out in the a.m. and the zapping noise was very annoying. I imagine I'll get used to it. The purple florescent light is unnerving, too.

Come to think of it, he used to have a house light that shone in our faces for a bit, but I know my testy neighbor didn't like that either. That's probably why it went away. This zapper will affect his outdoor experience, too. Testy neighbor spends time in his yard and pool. Zapper neighbor never goes outside.

Hmmmm. I'm not planning on saying anything to zapper neighbor, but. . . .
having a testy neighbor may turn out to be a blessing after all! ;-)

The empowering of today's victims. . .

Well, school is over, thank God. I must say, I got physically stiff the last couple of days since because I wasn't walking as much. The job was great for my health! So, must continue walking more and more.
The child did have a big blow up the day before the last day. However, because the women, all of us, got after him strongly, he recovered quickly and regained his status. For a while, in the beginning, he would always say thinks like:
"I have anger issues, so I can't control myself."
"I have a bad homelife, so it's too hard for me to control myself."
He was so used to parroting these things he has heard from the school psychologist. I hope I don't offend, but psychology is not much of a science and I have very little respect for the practice. I always seem to find that psychologists are mostly people who are trying to figure their own problems out. Growing up, one of my best friend's mom was a psychologist. Her secretary committed suicide. She had no idea her secretary was suffering. That is just weird to me.
Anyway, I'm sure there are good psychologists, however, every one I've ever seen in action seems to empower people to continue make excuses for their behavior and act as victims. The child was parroting excuses that he was given by the school doc. Luckily, this guy doesn't come around very often. The child's teacher was very much walking on eggshells in the beginning, following all the procedures laid out by the psychologist. In the end, she still was, but she added something else to the mix, with our support and. . .encouragement. She added a firmness, an insistance on personal accountability no matter what was happening. 3 of us always spoke in a no-nonsense way with him, and I think she garnered strength and confidence from that. In the last few weeks, whenever he pulled the victim act, none of us fell in with him on it.
"No, it's not my fault. You made the choice to kick the chair and scream in so-and-so's face, no one else made it for you. That's why you're not in class."
"If you choose to do your work for the next few hours, you can go back to class. If you choose to act out, no class. Period."
"Yes, you have a bad home life, but that doesn't mean YOU have to be bad."
He made significantly more progress when he was held fully accountable. He was also given encouragement, kudos, and love.
How many times do WE make excuses, hold grudges, carry unnecessary baggage? In all of our hearts, I think we already know the answers to those nagging questions about who we are, if we are honest with ourselves. . .letting that stuff go, taking responsibility, and just getting on with living a good life.
We have to teach, and learn, to PUSH through the pain of whatever it is that is holding us back. It's hard! I've had my own moments, believe me. Our energy flags, but we have to gather strength. In order for us to help kids (and adults!) like this, we have to tell them we expect nothing less than their success--no excuses. I remember telling my "son" Robert that, yes, he had some pretty crappy parents in the beginning. Yes, his childhood was bad. Yes, he had some obstacles to overcome. But it was HIS responsibility to overcome them. I sympathized with his plight, but I did not pity him. I was there for him, but I expected nothing less than he was capable of...and now he is a contributing member of the US Army, a mechanic soon to go to Special Forces. Before he left for the Army I told him I was proud of him. He got angry at me..."I haven't done anything to be proud of yet!!"
When he came back for a visit in February, well after basic training, and having worked on big machines, I asked him, "Can I tell you how proud I am of you now?" He answered with a big grin, "Yes." :-D
He pushed through. I think everyone can.

The child. . . .

I told him to be quiet.
He was.
I told him to get books to read silently.
He did.
I told him not to speak to me in a disrespectful manner.
He apologized.
5 days at Level 3. Unheard of.

I think I'm in an alternate universe.
Will it last? I don't know.
Summer's coming and all of his teachers' hard work may be for nothing. Completely undone by the chaos of home for the summer.
Please pray for this kid.

Sunday morning. . .

I'm back at it and I'm mad. . .as hell

Saturday morning

I woke up early thinking I had to go to work. Sweet! Didn't! HA!

Things with "the child" seem better. I've taken a sterner voice with him, and that seems to empower his main teacher more. She has a daughter, and sons are way different. . .and when you add to that difference, violent tendencies...whoa. I'm less anxious about what he might do when he's in P.E. There are two teachers there and they just don't put up with his stuff. . . and he doesn't act up--he tries, but they nip it in the bud. Yesterday I had him in a SpEd room to take a test and for the hour I had him he was amazingly wonderful. I looked at him and said, "I think I'm seeing the real "C" right now." Sweet smile from him. That was nice.

My strong feelings on illegal immigrants stops at their kids. I'm in a couple of hispanic classes and have fallen drop-dead, totally in love with these kids. Even the ones that act up all the time. I ask them what they want to do--one wants to be a doctor, another a vet, another a teacher. I want that for them, too. I was supervising lunch for my kindergarten class. One little boy asks me, "Where is your mama?" I got a little dewy-eyed...not expecting that question. "She's not here anymore." I replied. He said, "She's dead?" "Yes," I said.
"She's with God," He said with the confidence and conviction of a much older person.

I'm working on a couple of boxes on commission right now, and that makes me happy. I'll post pics soon. School is almost over. I'm treating myself to a few painting workshops this summer, and considering going back to school for another degree, or a master's in....something.

I've been lurking on your blogs....everyone seems really busy right now. Maybe the summer will help us all catch up a bit.