Saw friend Donna in the store the other day. That's where we pretty much see each other when we see each other. ;-)
She said, "You're not writing much..." and I realized she meant my blog here. I haven't been here since February. Why is that? I talk about Facebook being so easy, yet voyeuristic. And, yet, I don't blog. Facebook has begun to make me feel vulnerable, too exposed. Too many coworkers, etc., that I'm friends with...I don't want everyone to know the inner workings of my life. Most don't know about this blog. I want to keep it that way.
I've had a rough patch these past months. Up and down Lupus numbers. I'm lucky that it's so mild...but fatigue is a difficult thing. People don't understand dragging through days sometimes. I love my job, though, and can always find the energy to go there. A smile or a hug from a child certainly transfers energy to my soul. These two weeks off were welcome since I've been battling bronchitis on top of everything else...but now I'll need to use the next week to rest up! No matter how much I resist, for some reason, since I'm the female...the holidays seem to rest upon my shoulders. It doesn't matter if I say I'm not up to it...I always cave and always do too much.
We have a new person in the house. A friend of my sons' who battles a few demons of his own. His family is very dysfunctional, and suffice to say, he has suffered for it. He has no car, is working, but no one in his family will house him and help him get back on his feet. He was in a car accident a few years ago, and his dad kept the insurance money instead of giving it to him for a down payment on a new car.
No car....hard to work. His mother, a hoarder and alcoholic whose other children won't speak to her, locked him out of the apartment in cold rain. His brother offered him a place to sleep....in his car. These people say they are Christians.
He has a job now. Is saving money for a car. We'll be going to an auction soon, I hope.
I've seen so much selfishness, so much egocentrism, dishonesty, and arrogance lately that my heart is hurting. I don't understand. Can the world truly revolve around everyone individually all at once?? ;-)
So, this story and a bunch of others weigh on my heart and I cling to my little ones at school because I see sparks of love in them...and I want to feed that love. Maybe they'll remember that some old lady named Ms. D. told them that they would change the world for the better..and maybe they will! There is so much potential in these kids. What happens to alter us so horribly when we grow up?
Is this a bummer of a post?? Ha! Sorry. I'm pondering, and will continue to do so......Merry Christmas! Praying for the blessings of the Holy Spirit upon you all.
