Friday, March 09, 2007

Friday humor

Resume Mistakes:
"Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."
"Education: College, August 1880-May 1984."
"Work Experience: Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse."
"Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget."
"I'm a rabid typist."
"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation."

Reasons for Leaving your Previous Job:
"Responsibility makes me nervous."
"They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn't work under those conditions."
"Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."
"Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches."
"I was working for my mom until she decided to move."
"The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers."

Personal Qualities:
"I'm married with 9 children. I don't require prescription drugs."
"I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don't let them know of my immediate availability."
"Number of dependents: 40."
"Marital Status: Often. Children: Various."
"I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award."

Special Requests
"Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job."


Missy said...

Karen, I don't think you're gonna get the job! ;-)

chris said...

How did you get a hold of my resume?

karen said...

The special requests one cracked me up because I am self-employed!

Kansas Bob said...

I am also a rabid typist ... and I only use five or six fingers :)

NoVA Dad said...

These are great. Since I've been pumping out resume after resume for the past few months, I'm always worried that I'm going to mess something up as I adapt them for each job application - and end up with something like you've got on this list!!

pearlie said...

"I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don't let them know of my immediate availability."

Once I think I caught myself almost saying that when asked about my personality. Like, what is your strength? Loyalty!! Duh!

BarBarA said...

THESE are HYSTERICAL! I was in HR for 9 years and must have read hundreds up hundreds of resume's, wish I would have saved some of the funny ones.

Do you think these are real? I do!

karen said...

Yeah, Barbara...'fraid I do think they're real.

I was working in an office, and we had a clerk there, she was new, but had been through the training, etc. She was walking past an empty desk, and the phone started ringing. It rang and rang, and I was too far to pick it up, and she looks at me quizzically. "Pick it up!" I said. And, she did. The whole phone, still ringing......

SocietyVs said...

I actually deal in the businees of fixing up resumes - and I need some prescription drugs to fix this one up (lol).

Kenny said...

Funny stuff