Resume Mistakes:
"Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."
"Education: College, August 1880-May 1984."
"Work Experience: Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse."
"Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget."
"I'm a rabid typist."
"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation."
Reasons for Leaving your Previous Job:
"Responsibility makes me nervous."
"They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn't work under those conditions."
"Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."
"Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches."
"I was working for my mom until she decided to move."
"The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers."
Personal Qualities:
"I'm married with 9 children. I don't require prescription drugs."
"I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don't let them know of my immediate availability."
"Number of dependents: 40."
"Marital Status: Often. Children: Various."
"I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award."
Special Requests
"Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job."
10 comments:
Karen, I don't think you're gonna get the job! ;-)
How did you get a hold of my resume?
LOL!!
The special requests one cracked me up because I am self-employed!
I am also a rabid typist ... and I only use five or six fingers :)
These are great. Since I've been pumping out resume after resume for the past few months, I'm always worried that I'm going to mess something up as I adapt them for each job application - and end up with something like you've got on this list!!
"I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don't let them know of my immediate availability."
Once I think I caught myself almost saying that when asked about my personality. Like, what is your strength? Loyalty!! Duh!
THESE are HYSTERICAL! I was in HR for 9 years and must have read hundreds up hundreds of resume's, wish I would have saved some of the funny ones.
Do you think these are real? I do!
Yeah, Barbara...'fraid I do think they're real.
I was working in an office, and we had a clerk there, she was new, but had been through the training, etc. She was walking past an empty desk, and the phone started ringing. It rang and rang, and I was too far to pick it up, and she looks at me quizzically. "Pick it up!" I said. And, she did. The whole phone, still ringing......
I actually deal in the businees of fixing up resumes - and I need some prescription drugs to fix this one up (lol).
Funny stuff
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