I am such a FB addict now. It's like cyber-voyeurism. Catch a glimpse of everyone's day. Will anyone comment on my status, or comment on a comment on a comment (or how much I wish I hadn't liked your status because I have 80 notifications about it)?
It's crazy.
I need to get back to blogging. It's the deeper stuff I need. I always sort of scoffed at journals and such...we were forced to journal in jr. high and high school. I'm not the sort who likes to be forced to do anything.
Blogging is journaling by choice, and I need to journal more.
I need to read your thoughts...the ones that you haven't just typed in while waiting for an appointment or a coffee. Those are important...but it's the more orchestrated ones that intrigue me the most.
FB is sort of the flesh.....blogging is the soul.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Sunday, October 04, 2009
For Gracie and all the dogs we've loved before.....
Emily's Amazing Grace * September 17, 2003-October 1, 2009
Missing you so.
Sunday, September 06, 2009
Numbers that matter
A resounding theme with folks who are ill is numbers. Blood counts, percentages, antibody levels, kidney function. We all hold our breath to see the "numbers."
I've seen, through the work of the Lord, that these numbers don't always mean much. We're told Gracie has had 5% kidney function for some time now. I cannot accept that, and we don't accept it, nor receive it. How in the world could an animal, or a human, run like a maniac on 5% kidney function? True, she may drop dead running. That wouldn't be a bad thing, going while doing what you love, now, would it?
Numbers aren't all they are cracked up to be...or at least some of them.
You may find this next story a little TMI, but that's okay. For a week, every morning at 3:16 I kept waking up to, well, you know...go to the bathroom. Every time I'd look at the clock, it was 3:16. I even had a dream that I had to be somewhere at 3:16.
It was seriously driving me crazy.
Finally, exasperated, I just asked. "LORD!!! What are you trying to tell me by sending me to the John at 3:16?!?"
Oh.
John 3:16
He has a sense of humor. He has to. He made ME.
The Concordant Literal NT:
"For thus God loves the world, so that He gives His only-begotten Son, that every believing in Him should no be perishing (middle voice) but may be having life eonian."
I know that is a slightly different verse than you are used to, but it makes perfect sense to me, with my universalist leanings. It also yells hope and promise all over the place for the people I worry about.
I don't know if it speaks to you; I hope it does. Some numbers matter.
I've seen, through the work of the Lord, that these numbers don't always mean much. We're told Gracie has had 5% kidney function for some time now. I cannot accept that, and we don't accept it, nor receive it. How in the world could an animal, or a human, run like a maniac on 5% kidney function? True, she may drop dead running. That wouldn't be a bad thing, going while doing what you love, now, would it?
Numbers aren't all they are cracked up to be...or at least some of them.
You may find this next story a little TMI, but that's okay. For a week, every morning at 3:16 I kept waking up to, well, you know...go to the bathroom. Every time I'd look at the clock, it was 3:16. I even had a dream that I had to be somewhere at 3:16.
It was seriously driving me crazy.
Finally, exasperated, I just asked. "LORD!!! What are you trying to tell me by sending me to the John at 3:16?!?"
Oh.
John 3:16
He has a sense of humor. He has to. He made ME.
The Concordant Literal NT:
"For thus God loves the world, so that He gives His only-begotten Son, that every believing in Him should no be perishing (middle voice) but may be having life eonian."
I know that is a slightly different verse than you are used to, but it makes perfect sense to me, with my universalist leanings. It also yells hope and promise all over the place for the people I worry about.
I don't know if it speaks to you; I hope it does. Some numbers matter.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
August Ramblings...
This is long. If you don't feel like wading through, at least read the last paragraph and verse. ;-)
I've been absent here...Facebook draws attention and addiction, but I want to put things here that I'm feeling...stuff that I don't want on FB. It has its merit, but sometimes we forget who all is reading that....that happens here, too, but I've kept my blog a bit of a secret to some friends and family.
This has been a roller-coaster season for me. I've been angry. I've been depressed. I've been frustrated. I've been joyful. I've been at utter peace and in utter desperation. Missy has been reporting on her journey with auto-immune disease. It makes me mad that she is going through this and brings back my journey of 20 some years ago when it officially began. I have several friends struggling so mightily that it makes me beyond pissed off. Robert's dealing with his heart issues--so unfair that a man with such a good heart is struggling with that physical heart. I have friends with cancer. My brother and stepmom's neurological diseases are progressing--Jill at Altered with ALS, KB and wife Ann struggling. We learn so much from these struggles; everyone has a journey, but now at my age, it begins to create more fear and anger. I'm supposed to be a mature spiritual person, and these things aren't supposed to phase me as much anymore, right? It seems I am able to handle them less.
Struggling on a day to day basis with my best furry friend has been heartbreaking, exhilarating, and frustrating all in one. Some folks won't understand the caring so much for a dog, but this one is special to me because she has changed my life. It's so unfair to watch her spirit, her life, her happiness, knowing that vital organs are failing, and yet be blessed that she is doing so well. She doesn't want to eat kidney diet food, so I have to prepare special stuff for her. When she turns her nose up at stuff I've labored over, it really gets me. A lot of people wouldn't even do this for their pets. I just can't give up for now. I had guilt over missed symptoms, but I think I've been relieved of that, believing that God has big plans for us all, in all circumstances. Women get bent out of shape when loved ones won't eat, don't you think? My guys say, "She's not hungry, forget it." Dogs are ALWAYS hungry. She wants to eat what she wants to eat, so that's where we are. Quality of life over quantity. Women, when someone dies or is sick, cook. We are life-bringers. Food=life. That's what we do.
I've never been on so much medication in my life. My lupus has flared, and I'm on a bunch of
stuff I would never have touched before. Supplements, too. Only 2 medications pictured here are essential to my survival...my thyroid meds. The rest are treating symptoms of pain, fatigue, and depression. I take them with an open mind and a prayer that it is only for a short time. I am so tired, I fall asleep when I sit for any length of time.
Yet, still, if you've read this far, I have hope. Not Obama hope, mind you. ;-)
I've applied for a full time job that may open up in the next few weeks at the school that I love. It's not available yet, but God will figure all that out. I'm still a sub. I've worked on murals through this lupus season. I keep yelling at God, and He sticks with me no matter what.
The other day I was filling up my car with gas and I looked around at all the people wandering around without talking to each other. The TV show, "Joan of Arcadia" came to mind....God talks to Joan through other people, stepping into them to give her a word, a scolding, etc. I actually started berating God under my breath..."What's all this about, huh? What's with all the suffering?! Why are you letting good people hurt? Why can't you send one of these people over to give me a WORD....SOMETHING, ANYTHING from you that can soften this anger I have?! I don't want to be angry with You!" Nothing. I finished filling up and paying and went on my way. I needed to pick up some stuff from the vet, so walked in and it was empty except for a woman with a young, black mixed-breed dog. The dog's face was battle-scarred. White, furless, lines showed through the short black fur on her face. Scars showed up over her body. Yet, for whatever she had been through, she ambled over to me when I sat down. She put her paws on my knees, then reached a paw up to my face. I leaned over, placing my hands on her, softly petting her. She gave me sweet doggie kisses. Her owner came over and sat. I said, "What a sweet girl you have. What is her name?"
The woman responded, "Grace."
Ask and receive. :-)
Matthew 11:28-30 (New International Version)
28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
I've been absent here...Facebook draws attention and addiction, but I want to put things here that I'm feeling...stuff that I don't want on FB. It has its merit, but sometimes we forget who all is reading that....that happens here, too, but I've kept my blog a bit of a secret to some friends and family.
This has been a roller-coaster season for me. I've been angry. I've been depressed. I've been frustrated. I've been joyful. I've been at utter peace and in utter desperation. Missy has been reporting on her journey with auto-immune disease. It makes me mad that she is going through this and brings back my journey of 20 some years ago when it officially began. I have several friends struggling so mightily that it makes me beyond pissed off. Robert's dealing with his heart issues--so unfair that a man with such a good heart is struggling with that physical heart. I have friends with cancer. My brother and stepmom's neurological diseases are progressing--Jill at Altered with ALS, KB and wife Ann struggling. We learn so much from these struggles; everyone has a journey, but now at my age, it begins to create more fear and anger. I'm supposed to be a mature spiritual person, and these things aren't supposed to phase me as much anymore, right? It seems I am able to handle them less.
Struggling on a day to day basis with my best furry friend has been heartbreaking, exhilarating, and frustrating all in one. Some folks won't understand the caring so much for a dog, but this one is special to me because she has changed my life. It's so unfair to watch her spirit, her life, her happiness, knowing that vital organs are failing, and yet be blessed that she is doing so well. She doesn't want to eat kidney diet food, so I have to prepare special stuff for her. When she turns her nose up at stuff I've labored over, it really gets me. A lot of people wouldn't even do this for their pets. I just can't give up for now. I had guilt over missed symptoms, but I think I've been relieved of that, believing that God has big plans for us all, in all circumstances. Women get bent out of shape when loved ones won't eat, don't you think? My guys say, "She's not hungry, forget it." Dogs are ALWAYS hungry. She wants to eat what she wants to eat, so that's where we are. Quality of life over quantity. Women, when someone dies or is sick, cook. We are life-bringers. Food=life. That's what we do.
I've never been on so much medication in my life. My lupus has flared, and I'm on a bunch of
stuff I would never have touched before. Supplements, too. Only 2 medications pictured here are essential to my survival...my thyroid meds. The rest are treating symptoms of pain, fatigue, and depression. I take them with an open mind and a prayer that it is only for a short time. I am so tired, I fall asleep when I sit for any length of time.Yet, still, if you've read this far, I have hope. Not Obama hope, mind you. ;-)
I've applied for a full time job that may open up in the next few weeks at the school that I love. It's not available yet, but God will figure all that out. I'm still a sub. I've worked on murals through this lupus season. I keep yelling at God, and He sticks with me no matter what.
The other day I was filling up my car with gas and I looked around at all the people wandering around without talking to each other. The TV show, "Joan of Arcadia" came to mind....God talks to Joan through other people, stepping into them to give her a word, a scolding, etc. I actually started berating God under my breath..."What's all this about, huh? What's with all the suffering?! Why are you letting good people hurt? Why can't you send one of these people over to give me a WORD....SOMETHING, ANYTHING from you that can soften this anger I have?! I don't want to be angry with You!" Nothing. I finished filling up and paying and went on my way. I needed to pick up some stuff from the vet, so walked in and it was empty except for a woman with a young, black mixed-breed dog. The dog's face was battle-scarred. White, furless, lines showed through the short black fur on her face. Scars showed up over her body. Yet, for whatever she had been through, she ambled over to me when I sat down. She put her paws on my knees, then reached a paw up to my face. I leaned over, placing my hands on her, softly petting her. She gave me sweet doggie kisses. Her owner came over and sat. I said, "What a sweet girl you have. What is her name?"
The woman responded, "Grace."
Ask and receive. :-)
Matthew 11:28-30 (New International Version)
28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Long time, no see...
It's been a while. Lots of stuff going on. Dog is still here. She is an amazing Grace. Not only here, but happy and energetic. They are amazed. I don't know how long this will be, but I hope there is no suffering for her.
I'm going to get to all of your blogs this weekend! I must catch up. It's been too long, you've all been in my thoughts and prayers. I love that some of you are on Facebook. If you are and I don't know it, let me know.
Have a wonderful weekend. Stay cool, for all of you in the Northern Hemisphere!
I'm going to get to all of your blogs this weekend! I must catch up. It's been too long, you've all been in my thoughts and prayers. I love that some of you are on Facebook. If you are and I don't know it, let me know.
Have a wonderful weekend. Stay cool, for all of you in the Northern Hemisphere!
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