Exhaustion!

I love going to work in the mornings! I'm exhausted by 6pm, but I guess that's to be expected. I wonder that I'm too old to start doing this, but heck, there are teachers older than I still teaching. Ha!
I love watching my kids learn and love learning-especially math! I hated math, but I love it now, and I think hating it helps me figure out fun ways to teach it. ;) The days fly by. I was thinking to myself that my days are much more productive now; I'm serving others, and that makes me happy.

Long week

Long week this past week--teaching is more about juggling demands from the district and parents than teaching. Teaching is the fun part. It's the easy part.
I knew parents would be a pain, but I had no idea of the depths of their lack of accountability. Some are positively amazing. Others are so enabling of their children's disability that it's mind-boggling. If they knew how much we love their kids, they'd be blown away--but I'm not going to do the home work that is required for their child's success. Responsibility.

Rekindling life

Wow. My blogs are kind of dead in the water. Do my friends still blog? I know it's revived for students and teachers, but Facebook and Twitter really have taken over.

So, I'm a full-fledged teacher now. Took 4 state exams in about a year or so and worked my butt off to get certified. I'm wondering if, at my age, this is a wise thing! A couple colleagues want me to retire with them--but they're a bit younger than I--I had to inform them that I'd be around 72 if I did that! HA! No plans to do that, unless I'm spry and teaching art. I'm going with God's plan, not mine. He seems to be doing pretty well for me, so far.

Shake ups

Just found out the teacher I work with..a young and outstanding lady, has been transferred to another school, so my future is a bit shaky at the school I love. Who knows who they'll pair me with. We'll see how it goes. I was sorely disappointed in the responses from our team members to her email about her move. They were mechanical and unfeeling. Most people don't "get" Kim...I do, and she is all about the kids. Highly organized at 26.....a little OCD, so when people enter her calm and tidy room....as opposed to other Special Ed rooms...it appears little is being done. That's simply not the truth. The girl can think on her feet, wing it, and create something amazing just to reach one child...to get to where she needs to be to reach him or her. We became good friends and it saddens me that people can't see the hard working Kimmie I see. Is it jealousy? Unopened hearts? I don't know.
I keep trying to study for my certification tests, but I'm just unmotivated. If I become a teacher, my time will be consumed with teaching chains instead of teaching freedoms, which I have now with what I do for the school, and for the kids with my critical thinking club. I won't have time for that...but I'm still in the need for furthering my financial freedom.
I think about how the disciples felt when Jesus left them to go after someone else. Kim keeps her eye on the one kid that's about to move beyond help, ignoring what others think...and Jesus goes after the one lost sheep.
I know there was jealousy and resentment of some degree. Maybe if we were all focused on the ones who need us, we wouldn't be concerned with what we think WE'RE missing.....

Summer....into the heat of things...

Summer is here, thank goodness! What a year! I have to say I've been blessed immensely through a lot of stuff. I know many of you have suffered trials. I hope that you are experiencing some peace and comfort through them.
I've been pushing through things I don't want to happen to try to get to the things I want to happen. Things in the Spring are new and fresh...and promising....Summer comes...the heat gets turned up and the uncomfortable broiling begins....the test of how much you can take and how uncomfortable things have to get before you will try to change them.
I've always liked the heat. I think I can handle this frying pan--with His leading.

Spring

Spring break is just about over...I didn't get as much done as I had hoped. I did a LOT of walking...got up at my usual time...the dogs just won't let me sleep...and that's okay. Time for coffee and talking to Father.

I have so many friends that need prayer....Tommy, Diane, and Nanette need healing from cancer, Theresa needs a transplant, others need JOBS and provision, marriages need healing, parents need help.

Spent the day with Connie yesterday and it was one of the best days in a long while...lunch, singing worship songs, laughing....fellowship is good for the soul....I seem to forget that from time to time.

Enjoy this season....it's rebirth, resurrection, taking deep breaths and moving forward.....

March already

The year is moving too fast, and I am moving too slow.

On the positive side, I'm getting fit-er and losing weight. I feel better physically and am not as tired during the day. The lupus flare seems to have lessened as well, although I have a lovely butterfly rash on my face that adds to the wonderful-ness of aging. Thank God for aloe and makeup.

I've spent more time in introspection than I have on the struggles of others...and I don't like that. Focusing on my own problems, faults, and other boring bits is not why I'm here.

The pain that others are going through is palpable. Friend Kathy has lost all of her original family, I think. Mom, sister, brother and dad all within an unreasonable time period. My heart aches for her.

Kansas Bob and his lovely wife Ann are struggling as well. I think about them daily as they walk this journey out.

Others are going through other painful trials. We all are. When we pull out of our own stuff, and concentrate on making someone else smile, everyone heals just a little bit.

Walked dogs at least 7 miles this weekend. Spring at the lake here has sprung. If anyone cannot believe in the resurrection, just point them to the dead looking brances and trees....they are a yearly reminder that our lives are in cycle all the time..and that rebirth is a fact of our lives here in this realm, as well as in the next.

Time to focus on rebirth.

Mercy came running

Heard that song on the radio today while driving. Went to the petstore and to the art store. I picked up a few drawing items that I needed in order to put some thought to paper. I have ideas, and I really need to focus and take time to put them down, to do some things on paper that please me. He gave me a gift, I know I'm supposed to share it...and I do tenfold. I feel that it's time for me to take some time for my own art.

My houseguest asked to uncover the keyboard that has been covered up for months. I haven't touched it. He is very talented and he has inspired my son to play guitar. My son has talent and an ear for music, as well. Like me, he can pick anything up and make a good noise. God has blessed us. There are a line of us in my family that have the creative gift.

Anyway, after young man played, I felt the urge to do the same...and did. I felt much better about life in general.

As challenging as someone can be in your life (and he is a very kind and gentle challenge) it's moments like this that make you realize that God puts people in our path not just for their journey... but also for our own.

Once there was a holy place

Evidence of God's embrace

And I can almost see mercy's

Pressed against the veil

Looking down with longing eyes

Mercy must have realized

That once His blood was sacrificed

Freedom would prevail

And as the sky grew dark

And the earth began to shake

With justice no longer in the way

Mercy came running Like a prisoner set free Past all my failures to the point of my need When the sin that I carried Was all I could see And when I could not reach mercy Mercy came running to me

Once there was a broken heart

Way too human from the start

And all the years left it torn apart

Hopeless and afraid

Walls I never meant to build

Left this prisoner unfulfilled

Freedom called but even still

It seemed so far away

I was bound by the chains

From the wages of my sin

Just when I felt like giving in

Mercy came running Like a prisoner set free Past all my failures to the point of my need When the sin that I carried Was all I could see And when I could not reach mercy Mercy came running to me

Sometimes I still feel so far

So far from where I really should be

He gently calls to my heart

Just to remind me.

Phillips, Craig and Dean

Scattered...

Sometimes, on a lesser scale (much lesser) I feel a little like Job. I was talking to a young man who is staying with us, and he mentioned he feels this way...and I realize that, lately, I feel the same way as well. He feels like God is "after him" in a bad way, when we all know God is "after us" in a good way.
Trying to mentor yet another cast-off child (young man) is draining me. I admit it. I see changes for the better, but I'm stymied. Every time I get one thing cleared off in my life and think that I might actually be able to concentrate on the things that I need to do in MY life....another bump in the road occurs.
I realize this happens with everyone.
I had the most horrible dreams last night...so spiritual, but so dismal. The last part was one of those dreams where you're trying to get somewhere but can't....I was trying to make a bus, but the bus left me behind....and I really didn't care.
My job is great, but I minister there to students all day. I'd like to come home to quiet and peace, but it is never there. Family, friends, etc., are always pulling at me. It's to the point where I have become numb. I go through the motions and say the right things, only because it's God speaking through me and giving me His compassion to carry on..because the only feelings I have right now are anger or numbness. Christmas was not fun; I was sick and tired and no one really cared that I was overdoing it...even though I had others bring stuff, I ended up doing all of the cooking and cleaning. Whining again, I know. I have:
Anger at selfishness (and my own victim mentality)
Anger at families who screw up their children and expect others to take over and "fix" it.
Anger at laziness. I'm exhausted. Trying to overcome my own exhaustion to do the things I WANT to do is impossible. I went to bed at 7:30 last night. I slept 10 hours and am still exhausted.
I have no time to paint, draw, write, or dream. I thought as my kids got older it would get easier. Now, I have a son in Afghanistan, another who needs to move forward in his life, someone else's child who needs to build self-esteem.
Anger at behavioral problems. A significant person in my life is passive-aggressive. Although this person is trying very hard to overcome it, and making great strides, the hurt and anger and baggage that I carry for thinking that it's all been me all these years stands in the way of forgiveness.
I've shut off from others, and they have shut off from me. In the past, I forged through the walls that people built because I know that people build walls to protect themselves--but they also put them up to see who cares enough to push past those walls to offer a hand. I now only push past by the grace of God through those walls. Mine still stand.
They say that you can't fill another's cup unless yours is full. Mine is drained and I never thought I'd get to this point. I realize that God is the one who fills...but I keep tapping mine to try to get to the last bit. It's gone. I can't even cry.
This morning, I've been kicking people's butts to get things done. My house is a wreck on one side because of the situation we're in. Having to push people to do things so that I can have more peace in my own home makes me angry. Having to constantly be the "fixer" is frustrating to the max when, right now, I'm the one who needs fixing.
There's a song about how one feels God more than ever when everything falls apart, "I feel you now more than I did then....I feel You when I fall apart."
Yeah, it's like that. Thank God.

Where have I been?

Saw friend Donna in the store the other day. That's where we pretty much see each other when we see each other. ;-)
She said, "You're not writing much..." and I realized she meant my blog here. I haven't been here since February. Why is that? I talk about Facebook being so easy, yet voyeuristic. And, yet, I don't blog. Facebook has begun to make me feel vulnerable, too exposed. Too many coworkers, etc., that I'm friends with...I don't want everyone to know the inner workings of my life. Most don't know about this blog. I want to keep it that way.
I've had a rough patch these past months. Up and down Lupus numbers. I'm lucky that it's so mild...but fatigue is a difficult thing. People don't understand dragging through days sometimes. I love my job, though, and can always find the energy to go there. A smile or a hug from a child certainly transfers energy to my soul. These two weeks off were welcome since I've been battling bronchitis on top of everything else...but now I'll need to use the next week to rest up! No matter how much I resist, for some reason, since I'm the female...the holidays seem to rest upon my shoulders. It doesn't matter if I say I'm not up to it...I always cave and always do too much.
We have a new person in the house. A friend of my sons' who battles a few demons of his own. His family is very dysfunctional, and suffice to say, he has suffered for it. He has no car, is working, but no one in his family will house him and help him get back on his feet. He was in a car accident a few years ago, and his dad kept the insurance money instead of giving it to him for a down payment on a new car.
No car....hard to work. His mother, a hoarder and alcoholic whose other children won't speak to her, locked him out of the apartment in cold rain. His brother offered him a place to sleep....in his car. These people say they are Christians.
He has a job now. Is saving money for a car. We'll be going to an auction soon, I hope.
I've seen so much selfishness, so much egocentrism, dishonesty, and arrogance lately that my heart is hurting. I don't understand. Can the world truly revolve around everyone individually all at once?? ;-)
So, this story and a bunch of others weigh on my heart and I cling to my little ones at school because I see sparks of love in them...and I want to feed that love. Maybe they'll remember that some old lady named Ms. D. told them that they would change the world for the better..and maybe they will! There is so much potential in these kids. What happens to alter us so horribly when we grow up?
Is this a bummer of a post?? Ha! Sorry. I'm pondering, and will continue to do so......Merry Christmas! Praying for the blessings of the Holy Spirit upon you all.

Pats on the back...

Isn't it nice to get a pat on the back once in a while? I got one at school on Friday and it meant a lot. Getting hugs from kids means even more, though. There is one little girl in particular who always runs to give me a hug. I'm telling ya, a job you love is worth millions.

I'm sure God gives us pats on the back. I wonder if we see them or feel them? Maybe it's in those moments when we get a burst of energy to push past whatever stuff we're dealing with. Is it a pat, or a shove? ;-) Either way, I'm sure He knows what we need.

I'm pushing past a lot of stuff lately, but I'm learning that everything happens in God's time, not mine. This job reminds me of that. I kept dragging my feet, not applying, and people kept asking me why I didn't apply. I would say that the low $ was holding me back, but it wasn't just that. The principal at the time was just not a nice man. Very vindictive and destructive. Now, we have a principal and vice-principal that are amazingly upbeat and supportive. To have these wonderful women give me a hug, tell me they love me and my work...well, that's so nice.
He definitely set me on a good path. I wonder where else it will lead? I hope your path is easy, and your burdens light!

In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths. Proverbs 3:6

January

It's been cold here, but the temp today is 59 and sunny. I can live with that!

Work is kickin' my rear; hope your jobs and careers are going well. Rest up on the weekends!

Stick man is still at it. Was out in the cold. He must adhere to Teddy R's belief that if you feel puny, you should go out in the wilderness and live the rough life!

I tried to register to take the special ed proficiency certification test today. I decided, let's just take it, if we flunk it, we'll at least know what to expect. Ha! The registration is down all weekend. Is that a sign??

Have a great weekend!

The Stick Man

As we drive in and out of our neighborhood, we often see Bill, an older fellow, out and about. The road we travel out of has no homes facing either side; just fences and a grassy area to the street.

Bill is probably not as old as he looks. He's pleasant enough, very cordial and mannerly. He is a gentleman. He is quite slender and white haired. He mostly wears dark slacks and a white tee-shirt. He moves from one end of his side of the street to around the middle. He labors in the cold or the heat. I've seen him in 100 degree weather. I've asked if we can help. He politely declines and thanks me.

He picks up and moves sticks and branches from one part of the street to another.

I'm fascinated by this activity; as I said, I've offered help, but this appears to be Bill's thing to do. Is he well? Is he delusional?

The work he is doing is not really improving or altering the appearance of the grassy knolls. He makes a pile one day, then collects them up to another pile another day. I suspect that there is a mental thing going on, but, I also suspect that Bill is also acting on basic human nature.

We need purpose.

In his eyes and mind, he is collecting the chaotic and cleaning up the area.

I can identify with this. Can you? I must feel useful in order to feel good about myself. Now, whether this is the Father's complete plan for us is another matter. He certainly wants us to rest, to play, to ponder, to drink coffee--er, scratch that last one! He knows we require balance in our lives...something that I struggle with constantly. I feel guilty if I'm not active.

So, Bill may be pursuing purpose here, while he's still here. He's not always there, so I assume he has balance in some manner of his existence--he must rest. Maybe his purpose isn't just moving sticks. Maybe, just maybe, he is also reminding us to put the sticks down once in a while.


Happy New Year! Praying for a blessed 2011 for you and yours!

Progress

Progress with one of our spec ed kiddos, the non-verbal. He has some violent tendencies, but he loves music. I brought my guitar a Friday ago and I played one song. He signed, "More, please."
!!!
Awesome! I almost cried.
One of the first things I've taught him is emotions on the CHATT board. When he can tell us he is angry, sad, etc., he is less likely to lash out. I guess that's true of us all, hmm?
I'm struggling with the certification thing. I'm so tired when I come home. I do more than expected, and take work home. If I'm teaching, I'll have even more coming home. With CMS and Lupus, I just don't know if I can do it. A bit frustrating. I usually end up taking a nap when I get home and don't get much else accomplished.
Got to let Him lead the way. It's hard. I keep getting in His way.
This year is flying by. I find that I am letting little distractions get in the way of my visits with our Father. That makes me more stressed and scattered. I have a new friend, a bipolar fellow, who is pressing into God and that has helped me to get more grounded. We always have to be brought back, don't we? We let past and future mess with our present.

Exodus 4:2
The Lord askes Moses, "What is in your hand?"

We are led out of bondage, right?
The shepherd's staff is in our hand. No regrets about the past, no fear about the future. Stay in the present with His plans for us.
Gotta remember that.

6 months....

...since I posted something here. Unbelievable. I have felt the void. As I've said, FB is fast and voyeuristic.
I've been doing pretty well. How about you?
I got the job at the school, which I love. It's kicking my butt, though, I must admit. Very physical, but I think that's better for me than sitting around all day.
My last bloodwork indicates I'm in a fibro/myofascial flare-up, not a lupus flare. That is good. However, I'm exhausted. I think season changes mess with all of us.

My husband was recently diagnosed with diabetes, so he is finally taking his diet and exercise seriously. He's lost 40 pounds and can feel the difference. Our diets are completely incompatible! He can eat protein, I stay clear of animal protein. I'm supposed to eat the grains, etc., he isn't. Planning a meal is a challenge.

My job is very rewarding. I can't decide whether or not to pursue a certificate to teach special ed. I'm so tired at the end of the day, I can't imagine being followed home with lesson plans and paperwork. In this economy, though, the extra dough wouldn't hurt! The kids are amazing. They told me it would be a quiet year, but instead we got our biggest child challenge ever. A teacher and 2 paras (me and another woman) are the team that works with this child. He is non-verbal, very big for his age, and can be violent. The team works VERY well together. We adore each other and we adore this child now, too. He has made great strides and we get a kick out of what he does each day. Although they said he was low-functioning, he is very clever and we are working with him with sign language and a communication board. He is even using a touch screen on a computer...playing games! What a rewarding job!

Well, that's about it for me...I'll check on your blogs and see what's up...that you haven't shared on FB. What a phenomenon. I need to get back to the spiritual aspect of blogging, though. There's something to be said for a little anonimity, too. Bless ya.

Throwing my arms up....

Can you hear me laughing through pain? If so, could you record it so I can hear it? Ha!
Since my last posts, I've been battling other 'demons' so to speak. Now, I'm down with a back problem that hasn't improved but briefly, in a week. Normally, I'm okay after a couple days.

Having to cancel a week's work of subbing at the school I just applied to for a para job will NOT look good. No kidding, I've applied 3 times for that job and something always came up.

So, here's to you Lord of the Universe....just please tell me what you want me to do. I give up! ;-)

Tests

Tests were fine yesterday. I found myself praying for other people getting tested so I wouldn't be too worried. It turned out to be a great day; good reports and hubby took me to health center and out to lunch. He's been a rock through all of this. It's strengthened our relationship ten-fold.
I forgot, on last post, to mention the only thing that really helped me through this: prayer. Nothing else worked. It was through Godly conversation that I got the idea to check everything. Looking back, this struggle put a strain on my relationship with Him. I was just so tired of battling everything.
This certainly doesn't mean that there are no more battles. But, I have this on record to remind me of Who is there always.

God's promises

I feel like I've just come home from an exhausting battle. A mini-hell, so to speak. I took great comfort from your comments on my last post. I tried so hard to get the anxiety I was experiencing under control, to no avail. Rational thought, logic, meditation, self-hypnosis...nothing worked. What a nightmare! I'd wake up in the morning in a panic attack every morning....for no real reason. I'd look at a picture and it would touch off some memory...that would then set off an anxiety attack, sadness, feelings of loss. All the things in life that gave me joy were stolen by fear and panic. I ended up taking low doses of xanax so I could just get enough calm to talk off the negative thoughts, the "ANTs" as Dr. Amen, that brain dude, calls them. Automatic Negative Thoughts.
I thought I was going insane. I remembered my mom and my grandmother being anxious all the time and I regretted every irritated thought that I remember I had when they would express anxiousness (which they usually did in an irritated way.) I thought, okay, this is payback for lack of patience.
I decided to go to the doctor and get all hormones checked. My DHEA came back very low for my age; 2 others were high. I have to have another couple tests on Monday, but for the last week and a half, doc has had me on a high dose of DHEA for 5 days, and lower dose for the rest of this month.
No more anxiety.
I had a stressful week and was sure that it would set me off, but no attacks.
Is it that simple?! Amazing. DHEA. Who would have thought? My Chinese doc's been trying to get me to take that for over a year.
Now I have to get through the tests on Monday; a bit concerned, but not losing any sleep over it. Peace in a little bottle, and not xanax.
Then, in retrospect, I felt so bad for my mom and grandma. Mom took lots of cortisone for her lupus...and probably was suffering the same effects. This makes me sad, but I pray and I believe they are now no longer in any mood but joyful!
A couple summers ago, we had to have our backyard trees taken out, leaving a constant barren and sun-filled garden. Not being able to hang out in the sun, I was disappointed. I had a rose bush, Lady Jane roses I think, by my garden wall but they never produced roses. Too much shade. This year has been a bounty. There are even more on this bush now than when the picture was taken.
I thought about God's promises. He doesn't promise that we won't suffer loss, but He does promise that He'll be there with us. He turns mourning into gladness. Whatever has been taken in my life has always been replaced with something amazing--blessings after loss.
I hope you are walking in blessings and gladness, too.

Notes from the desert

I feel like I've been wandering for 40 years. Or maybe about 52. I've been in a place that I thought I'd never be...or, at least stay for any length of time. I thought stuff would roll off of me easier as I got older, but fear just seems to be my nasty friend lately...or was. I feel like I've been up to my neck in sand...or, rather, quicksand.


I thought God had left me, then I realized He was always here, I just was listening to the wrong voice; the voice that lies to us and tries to steal our joy. I seem to battle this battle a lot, and I'm darned tired of it. Talk about repeating lessons.

Joshua 1:9 (New International Version) Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

And, yet...walking away from the hospital experience left me fearful again. My fears of disability rise and fall frequently. For some stupid reason, I don't pay attention to all the good results I got from all the poking and prodding they did. In the end, it was nothing, and if it wasn't, there isn't a lot more I can do about anything. My diet and such is as good as it gets. Only He knows the number of our days.


My experience there was positive. It wasn't til I got home that the anxiety stuff started up. I guess when you have a ministry that involves prayer, you get hit with all the sadness and illness that is out there, and that breeds empathy, which can breed fear. I had a thought that the reason I was there when I was, wasn't for ME, it was for all of them there. Connie came up and we ministered to one nurse. I had nurses and techs come in, and I resolved to greet them all as if they were royalty...and they, in turn, treated me the same. I heard a lot of stories from them; stories about their own pain and sadness. I encouraged as much as I could. I got to share faith with them, too. It was an amazing experience. Until I got some of the bills, of course. ;-)


When my dad was in the hospital, I felt very much alone. My brother can't help, but when my husband could get some time from work, he came up and helped. He helped toward the end of the stint when I was just about out of patience. Dad had surgery on a Sunday, and I walked into the waiting room. There was one other family there. I headed for the coffee pot and one of the men came over and warned me about the ickiness of said java. I thanked him and went for some tea. By the time I sat down, they were called to go see their loved one. That left me all alone in the huge waiting room. I busied myself with crosswords, books, internet, etc., in hopes of not thinking about my dad not surviving. Had I known the extent of his gallbladder problem, I'd have been worse off, but I did suspect. I was also concerned about his age and having to have platelets administered because of his taking Plavix. By the grace of God, it had ruptured up against his liver, which kept the contents smooshed and encapsulated by the other side of the intact gallbladder wall.

I felt very alone as I sat there, and said, "Lord, I know you're here and all, but I'm feeling pretty lonely and worried. I need some help." I mean, have you EVER seen an empty surgery waiting room??

In a minute or two, in walks a woman around my age. We look at each other, and she heads for the coffee machine. I told her to avoid it if possible. She thanks me. I look back at my book and she starts to sit down. I ask her, "How are you?" She stands up and looks at me and responds, "I'm doing good with the strength of the Lord! How are you?" I responded that I was, too, now! She said, "You know, I came in here asking the Lord that I knew He was here, but to please not leave me all alone without another soul. " I said, "Me, too. Now, we're not alone." We' praised God.

Isn't that amazing? We still keep in touch. We talked and both of us work with Special Ed kids. She is planning a ministry. Pretty awesome work by our Papa God.

So, you'd think that I'd just chill and shut up with the whining and fear and get over it, and trust, right?? Well, the disciples doubted and they had Him right there with them in the flesh.

The other day I was dealing with this stuff again; fear about health, the future, etc. I got exasperated and yelled out in the car (sure that looked good to others) " I need something from You! Please!"

Then the plumber came to the house. Our commode was making a leaking noise and my engineer hubby thought it best not to try to fix it. Probably a wise move. Anyway, I tidied up the toilet area, and took the copy of The Shack from there out of his way. (yeah, we read there, too) I almost put it on the bookshelf in the bedroom, but instead felt compelled to leave it in the bathroom in full view. When the plumber (Jerry) came in, that was the first thing he saw and from there ensued an incredible conversation of testimony about how the book helped him; his recovery from alcoholism, his personal relationship with Jesus, etc. It was amazing, too.

So, I'm better. Still battling, but I realize the battle is with nothing more than the enemy...and sometimes I am my own enemy. I have an auto-immune disease, which means that my body fights against itself.

Time to stop that. The sword is out to fight the right battles, not for self-inflicted wounds.

Why? Why??

I don't know why I hang on the facebook thing. It's like voyeurism...a quick peek at everyone's life.

This takes more work. I've already talked about it, but maybe I'm getting lazy in my old age.

I've applied and been accepted in an alternative certification process for special ed. I'll eventually get certified to teach art...that should be easy, but the special ed kids just pull at my heart. I overheard some teachers complaining about one of my kiddos the other day, and it really stabbed at me. I'm subbing for a long period for a teacher who is out with an injury. I'll be replaced after I'm there close to 30 days for a certified special ed sub because I'm not "highly qualified" yet. Good luck is all I can say to that sub. I've known the kids I'm working with for 4 years. I'm worried about when they have a stranger with them. It's been hard enough without their regular teacher that they've known even longer than me.

Spent a night and a day in the hospital being poked and prodded after a suspected TIA; my regular Dr. thinks it is a sciatic thing. I lost almost all sensation in a leg. Kinda freaked me out and made me reconsider working full time. It seems my working has just been interupted with family and me being sick...my dad was in the hospital for gallbladder removal a month or so ago. I spent a week up in his neck of the woods bouncing back and forth between the hospital and making sure my step mom was okay with home health care.

I'm on prednisone and fighting every impulse to eat anything that comes my way. Chocolate...fear me!! It's just a short course, so hopefully the damage won't be done too much.

Getting older is freaky. I've gotten so much joy out of working with these kids, the days fly by. It won't be easy, but we'll see where God is leading.

I have a few hospital stories to share...both from my dad's stay, and mine. God made Himself known both places! Next time! :-)