TSSO

Mercy came running

2012-01-08T14:17:00.011-06:00

Heard that song on the radio today while driving. Went to the petstore and to the art store. I picked up a few drawing items that I needed in order to put some thought to paper. I have ideas, and I really need to focus and take time to put them down, to do some things on paper that please me. He gave me a gift, I know I'm supposed to share it...and I do tenfold. I feel that it's time for me to take some time for my own art.

My houseguest asked to uncover the keyboard that has been covered up for months. I haven't touched it. He is very talented and he has inspired my son to play guitar. My son has talent and an ear for music, as well. Like me, he can pick anything up and make a good noise. God has blessed us. There are a line of us in my family that have the creative gift.

Anyway, after young man played, I felt the urge to do the same...and did. I felt much better about life in general.

As challenging as someone can be in your life (and he is a very kind and gentle challenge) it's moments like this that make you realize that God puts people in our path not just for their journey... but also for our own.

Once there was a holy place

Evidence of God's embrace

And I can almost see mercy's

Pressed against the veil

Looking down with longing eyes

Mercy must have realized

That once His blood was sacrificed

Freedom would prevail

And as the sky grew dark

And the earth began to shake

With justice no longer in the way

Mercy came running Like a prisoner set free Past all my failures to the point of my need When the sin that I carried Was all I could see And when I could not reach mercy Mercy came running to me

Once there was a broken heart

Way too human from the start

And all the years left it torn apart

Hopeless and afraid

Walls I never meant to build

Left this prisoner unfulfilled

Freedom called but even still

It seemed so far away

I was bound by the chains

From the wages of my sin

Just when I felt like giving in

Sometimes I still feel so far

So far from where I really should be

He gently calls to my heart

Just to remind me.

Phillips, Craig and Dean

Scattered...

2012-01-07T12:44:00.004-06:00

Sometimes, on a lesser scale (much lesser) I feel a little like Job. I was talking to a young man who is staying with us, and he mentioned he feels this way...and I realize that, lately, I feel the same way as well. He feels like God is "after him" in a bad way, when we all know God is "after us" in a good way.
Trying to mentor yet another cast-off child (young man) is draining me. I admit it. I see changes for the better, but I'm stymied. Every time I get one thing cleared off in my life and think that I might actually be able to concentrate on the things that I need to do in MY life....another bump in the road occurs.
I realize this happens with everyone.
I had the most horrible dreams last night...so spiritual, but so dismal. The last part was one of those dreams where you're trying to get somewhere but can't....I was trying to make a bus, but the bus left me behind....and I really didn't care.
My job is great, but I minister there to students all day. I'd like to come home to quiet and peace, but it is never there. Family, friends, etc., are always pulling at me. It's to the point where I have become numb. I go through the motions and say the right things, only because it's God speaking through me and giving me His compassion to carry on..because the only feelings I have right now are anger or numbness. Christmas was not fun; I was sick and tired and no one really cared that I was overdoing it...even though I had others bring stuff, I ended up doing all of the cooking and cleaning. Whining again, I know. I have:
Anger at selfishness (and my own victim mentality)
Anger at families who screw up their children and expect others to take over and "fix" it.
Anger at laziness. I'm exhausted. Trying to overcome my own exhaustion to do the things I WANT to do is impossible. I went to bed at 7:30 last night. I slept 10 hours and am still exhausted.
I have no time to paint, draw, write, or dream. I thought as my kids got older it would get easier. Now, I have a son in Afghanistan, another who needs to move forward in his life, someone else's child who needs to build self-esteem.
Anger at behavioral problems. A significant person in my life is passive-aggressive. Although this person is trying very hard to overcome it, and making great strides, the hurt and anger and baggage that I carry for thinking that it's all been me all these years stands in the way of forgiveness.
I've shut off from others, and they have shut off from me. In the past, I forged through the walls that people built because I know that people build walls to protect themselves--but they also put them up to see who cares enough to push past those walls to offer a hand. I now only push past by the grace of God through those walls. Mine still stand.
They say that you can't fill another's cup unless yours is full. Mine is drained and I never thought I'd get to this point. I realize that God is the one who fills...but I keep tapping mine to try to get to the last bit. It's gone. I can't even cry.
This morning, I've been kicking people's butts to get things done. My house is a wreck on one side because of the situation we're in. Having to push people to do things so that I can have more peace in my own home makes me angry. Having to constantly be the "fixer" is frustrating to the max when, right now, I'm the one who needs fixing.
There's a song about how one feels God more than ever when everything falls apart, "I feel you now more than I did then....I feel You when I fall apart."
Yeah, it's like that. Thank God.

Where have I been?

2011-12-25T18:58:00.002-06:00

Saw friend Donna in the store the other day. That's where we pretty much see each other when we see each other. ;-)
She said, "You're not writing much..." and I realized she meant my blog here. I haven't been here since February. Why is that? I talk about Facebook being so easy, yet voyeuristic. And, yet, I don't blog. Facebook has begun to make me feel vulnerable, too exposed. Too many coworkers, etc., that I'm friends with...I don't want everyone to know the inner workings of my life. Most don't know about this blog. I want to keep it that way.
I've had a rough patch these past months. Up and down Lupus numbers. I'm lucky that it's so mild...but fatigue is a difficult thing. People don't understand dragging through days sometimes. I love my job, though, and can always find the energy to go there. A smile or a hug from a child certainly transfers energy to my soul. These two weeks off were welcome since I've been battling bronchitis on top of everything else...but now I'll need to use the next week to rest up! No matter how much I resist, for some reason, since I'm the female...the holidays seem to rest upon my shoulders. It doesn't matter if I say I'm not up to it...I always cave and always do too much.
We have a new person in the house. A friend of my sons' who battles a few demons of his own. His family is very dysfunctional, and suffice to say, he has suffered for it. He has no car, is working, but no one in his family will house him and help him get back on his feet. He was in a car accident a few years ago, and his dad kept the insurance money instead of giving it to him for a down payment on a new car.
No car....hard to work. His mother, a hoarder and alcoholic whose other children won't speak to her, locked him out of the apartment in cold rain. His brother offered him a place to sleep....in his car. These people say they are Christians.
He has a job now. Is saving money for a car. We'll be going to an auction soon, I hope.
I've seen so much selfishness, so much egocentrism, dishonesty, and arrogance lately that my heart is hurting. I don't understand. Can the world truly revolve around everyone individually all at once?? ;-)
So, this story and a bunch of others weigh on my heart and I cling to my little ones at school because I see sparks of love in them...and I want to feed that love. Maybe they'll remember that some old lady named Ms. D. told them that they would change the world for the better..and maybe they will! There is so much potential in these kids. What happens to alter us so horribly when we grow up?
Is this a bummer of a post?? Ha! Sorry. I'm pondering, and will continue to do so......Merry Christmas! Praying for the blessings of the Holy Spirit upon you all.

Pats on the back...

2011-02-20T17:48:00.003-06:00

Isn't it nice to get a pat on the back once in a while? I got one at school on Friday and it meant a lot. Getting hugs from kids means even more, though. There is one little girl in particular who always runs to give me a hug. I'm telling ya, a job you love is worth millions.

I'm sure God gives us pats on the back. I wonder if we see them or feel them? Maybe it's in those moments when we get a burst of energy to push past whatever stuff we're dealing with. Is it a pat, or a shove? ;-) Either way, I'm sure He knows what we need.

I'm pushing past a lot of stuff lately, but I'm learning that everything happens in God's time, not mine. This job reminds me of that. I kept dragging my feet, not applying, and people kept asking me why I didn't apply. I would say that the low $ was holding me back, but it wasn't just that. The principal at the time was just not a nice man. Very vindictive and destructive. Now, we have a principal and vice-principal that are amazingly upbeat and supportive. To have these wonderful women give me a hug, tell me they love me and my work...well, that's so nice.
He definitely set me on a good path. I wonder where else it will lead? I hope your path is easy, and your burdens light!

In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths. Proverbs 3:6

January

2011-01-22T15:01:00.002-06:00

It's been cold here, but the temp today is 59 and sunny. I can live with that!

Work is kickin' my rear; hope your jobs and careers are going well. Rest up on the weekends!

Stick man is still at it. Was out in the cold. He must adhere to Teddy R's belief that if you feel puny, you should go out in the wilderness and live the rough life!

I tried to register to take the special ed proficiency certification test today. I decided, let's just take it, if we flunk it, we'll at least know what to expect. Ha! The registration is down all weekend. Is that a sign??

Have a great weekend!

The Stick Man

2010-12-31T14:33:00.003-06:00

As we drive in and out of our neighborhood, we often see Bill, an older fellow, out and about. The road we travel out of has no homes facing either side; just fences and a grassy area to the street.

Bill is probably not as old as he looks. He's pleasant enough, very cordial and mannerly. He is a gentleman. He is quite slender and white haired. He mostly wears dark slacks and a white tee-shirt. He moves from one end of his side of the street to around the middle. He labors in the cold or the heat. I've seen him in 100 degree weather. I've asked if we can help. He politely declines and thanks me.

He picks up and moves sticks and branches from one part of the street to another.

I'm fascinated by this activity; as I said, I've offered help, but this appears to be Bill's thing to do. Is he well? Is he delusional?

The work he is doing is not really improving or altering the appearance of the grassy knolls. He makes a pile one day, then collects them up to another pile another day. I suspect that there is a mental thing going on, but, I also suspect that Bill is also acting on basic human nature.

We need purpose.

In his eyes and mind, he is collecting the chaotic and cleaning up the area.

I can identify with this. Can you? I must feel useful in order to feel good about myself. Now, whether this is the Father's complete plan for us is another matter. He certainly wants us to rest, to play, to ponder, to drink coffee--er, scratch that last one! He knows we require balance in our lives...something that I struggle with constantly. I feel guilty if I'm not active.

So, Bill may be pursuing purpose here, while he's still here. He's not always there, so I assume he has balance in some manner of his existence--he must rest. Maybe his purpose isn't just moving sticks. Maybe, just maybe, he is also reminding us to put the sticks down once in a while.

Happy New Year! Praying for a blessed 2011 for you and yours!

Progress

2010-12-11T14:05:00.002-06:00

Progress with one of our spec ed kiddos, the non-verbal. He has some violent tendencies, but he loves music. I brought my guitar a Friday ago and I played one song. He signed, "More, please."
!!!
Awesome! I almost cried.
One of the first things I've taught him is emotions on the CHATT board. When he can tell us he is angry, sad, etc., he is less likely to lash out. I guess that's true of us all, hmm?
I'm struggling with the certification thing. I'm so tired when I come home. I do more than expected, and take work home. If I'm teaching, I'll have even more coming home. With CMS and Lupus, I just don't know if I can do it. A bit frustrating. I usually end up taking a nap when I get home and don't get much else accomplished.
Got to let Him lead the way. It's hard. I keep getting in His way.
This year is flying by. I find that I am letting little distractions get in the way of my visits with our Father. That makes me more stressed and scattered. I have a new friend, a bipolar fellow, who is pressing into God and that has helped me to get more grounded. We always have to be brought back, don't we? We let past and future mess with our present.

Exodus 4:2
The Lord askes Moses, "What is in your hand?"

We are led out of bondage, right?
The shepherd's staff is in our hand. No regrets about the past, no fear about the future. Stay in the present with His plans for us.
Gotta remember that.

6 months....

2010-11-28T15:45:00.002-06:00

...since I posted something here. Unbelievable. I have felt the void. As I've said, FB is fast and voyeuristic.
I've been doing pretty well. How about you?
I got the job at the school, which I love. It's kicking my butt, though, I must admit. Very physical, but I think that's better for me than sitting around all day.
My last bloodwork indicates I'm in a fibro/myofascial flare-up, not a lupus flare. That is good. However, I'm exhausted. I think season changes mess with all of us.

My husband was recently diagnosed with diabetes, so he is finally taking his diet and exercise seriously. He's lost 40 pounds and can feel the difference. Our diets are completely incompatible! He can eat protein, I stay clear of animal protein. I'm supposed to eat the grains, etc., he isn't. Planning a meal is a challenge.

My job is very rewarding. I can't decide whether or not to pursue a certificate to teach special ed. I'm so tired at the end of the day, I can't imagine being followed home with lesson plans and paperwork. In this economy, though, the extra dough wouldn't hurt! The kids are amazing. They told me it would be a quiet year, but instead we got our biggest child challenge ever. A teacher and 2 paras (me and another woman) are the team that works with this child. He is non-verbal, very big for his age, and can be violent. The team works VERY well together. We adore each other and we adore this child now, too. He has made great strides and we get a kick out of what he does each day. Although they said he was low-functioning, he is very clever and we are working with him with sign language and a communication board. He is even using a touch screen on a computer...playing games! What a rewarding job!

Well, that's about it for me...I'll check on your blogs and see what's up...that you haven't shared on FB. What a phenomenon. I need to get back to the spiritual aspect of blogging, though. There's something to be said for a little anonimity, too. Bless ya.

Throwing my arms up....

2010-05-29T14:33:00.004-05:00

Can you hear me laughing through pain? If so, could you record it so I can hear it? Ha!
Since my last posts, I've been battling other 'demons' so to speak. Now, I'm down with a back problem that hasn't improved but briefly, in a week. Normally, I'm okay after a couple days.

Having to cancel a week's work of subbing at the school I just applied to for a para job will NOT look good. No kidding, I've applied 3 times for that job and something always came up.

So, here's to you Lord of the Universe....just please tell me what you want me to do. I give up! ;-)

Tests

2010-04-20T11:07:00.003-05:00

Tests were fine yesterday. I found myself praying for other people getting tested so I wouldn't be too worried. It turned out to be a great day; good reports and hubby took me to health center and out to lunch. He's been a rock through all of this. It's strengthened our relationship ten-fold.
I forgot, on last post, to mention the only thing that really helped me through this: prayer. Nothing else worked. It was through Godly conversation that I got the idea to check everything. Looking back, this struggle put a strain on my relationship with Him. I was just so tired of battling everything.
This certainly doesn't mean that there are no more battles. But, I have this on record to remind me of Who is there always.

God's promises

2010-04-16T20:05:00.004-05:00

I feel like I've just come home from an exhausting battle. A mini-hell, so to speak. I took great comfort from your comments on my last post. I tried so hard to get the anxiety I was experiencing under control, to no avail. Rational thought, logic, meditation, self-hypnosis...nothing worked. What a nightmare! I'd wake up in the morning in a panic attack every morning....for no real reason. I'd look at a picture and it would touch off some memory...that would then set off an anxiety attack, sadness, feelings of loss. All the things in life that gave me joy were stolen by fear and panic. I ended up taking low doses of xanax so I could just get enough calm to talk off the negative thoughts, the "ANTs" as Dr. Amen, that brain dude, calls them. Automatic Negative Thoughts.
I thought I was going insane. I remembered my mom and my grandmother being anxious all the time and I regretted every irritated thought that I remember I had when they would express anxiousness (which they usually did in an irritated way.) I thought, okay, this is payback for lack of patience.
I decided to go to the doctor and get all hormones checked. My DHEA came back very low for my age; 2 others were high. I have to have another couple tests on Monday, but for the last week and a half, doc has had me on a high dose of DHEA for 5 days, and lower dose for the rest of this month.
No more anxiety.
I had a stressful week and was sure that it would set me off, but no attacks.
Is it that simple?! Amazing. DHEA. Who would have thought? My Chinese doc's been trying to get me to take that for over a year.
Now I have to get through the tests on Monday; a bit concerned, but not losing any sleep over it. Peace in a little bottle, and not xanax.
Then, in retrospect, I felt so bad for my mom and grandma. Mom took lots of cortisone for her lupus...and probably was suffering the same effects. This makes me sad, but I pray and I believe they are now no longer in any mood but joyful!
A couple summers ago, we had to have our backyard trees taken out, leaving a constant barren and sun-filled garden. Not being able to hang out in the sun, I was disappointed. I had a rose bush, Lady Jane roses I think, by my garden wall but they never produced roses. Too much shade. This year has been a bounty. There are even more on this bush now than when the picture was taken.
I thought about God's promises. He doesn't promise that we won't suffer loss, but He does promise that He'll be there with us. He turns mourning into gladness. Whatever has been taken in my life has always been replaced with something amazing--blessings after loss.
I hope you are walking in blessings and gladness, too.

Notes from the desert

2010-03-02T14:32:00.005-06:00

I feel like I've been wandering for 40 years. Or maybe about 52. I've been in a place that I thought I'd never be...or, at least stay for any length of time. I thought stuff would roll off of me easier as I got older, but fear just seems to be my nasty friend lately...or was. I feel like I've been up to my neck in sand...or, rather, quicksand.

I thought God had left me, then I realized He was always here, I just was listening to the wrong voice; the voice that lies to us and tries to steal our joy. I seem to battle this battle a lot, and I'm darned tired of it. Talk about repeating lessons.

Joshua 1:9 (New International Version) Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

And, yet...walking away from the hospital experience left me fearful again. My fears of disability rise and fall frequently. For some stupid reason, I don't pay attention to all the good results I got from all the poking and prodding they did. In the end, it was nothing, and if it wasn't, there isn't a lot more I can do about anything. My diet and such is as good as it gets. Only He knows the number of our days.

My experience there was positive. It wasn't til I got home that the anxiety stuff started up. I guess when you have a ministry that involves prayer, you get hit with all the sadness and illness that is out there, and that breeds empathy, which can breed fear. I had a thought that the reason I was there when I was, wasn't for ME, it was for all of them there. Connie came up and we ministered to one nurse. I had nurses and techs come in, and I resolved to greet them all as if they were royalty...and they, in turn, treated me the same. I heard a lot of stories from them; stories about their own pain and sadness. I encouraged as much as I could. I got to share faith with them, too. It was an amazing experience. Until I got some of the bills, of course. ;-)

When my dad was in the hospital, I felt very much alone. My brother can't help, but when my husband could get some time from work, he came up and helped. He helped toward the end of the stint when I was just about out of patience. Dad had surgery on a Sunday, and I walked into the waiting room. There was one other family there. I headed for the coffee pot and one of the men came over and warned me about the ickiness of said java. I thanked him and went for some tea. By the time I sat down, they were called to go see their loved one. That left me all alone in the huge waiting room. I busied myself with crosswords, books, internet, etc., in hopes of not thinking about my dad not surviving. Had I known the extent of his gallbladder problem, I'd have been worse off, but I did suspect. I was also concerned about his age and having to have platelets administered because of his taking Plavix. By the grace of God, it had ruptured up against his liver, which kept the contents smooshed and encapsulated by the other side of the intact gallbladder wall.

I felt very alone as I sat there, and said, "Lord, I know you're here and all, but I'm feeling pretty lonely and worried. I need some help." I mean, have you EVER seen an empty surgery waiting room??

In a minute or two, in walks a woman around my age. We look at each other, and she heads for the coffee machine. I told her to avoid it if possible. She thanks me. I look back at my book and she starts to sit down. I ask her, "How are you?" She stands up and looks at me and responds, "I'm doing good with the strength of the Lord! How are you?" I responded that I was, too, now! She said, "You know, I came in here asking the Lord that I knew He was here, but to please not leave me all alone without another soul. " I said, "Me, too. Now, we're not alone." We' praised God.

Isn't that amazing? We still keep in touch. We talked and both of us work with Special Ed kids. She is planning a ministry. Pretty awesome work by our Papa God.

So, you'd think that I'd just chill and shut up with the whining and fear and get over it, and trust, right?? Well, the disciples doubted and they had Him right there with them in the flesh.

The other day I was dealing with this stuff again; fear about health, the future, etc. I got exasperated and yelled out in the car (sure that looked good to others) " I need something from You! Please!"

Then the plumber came to the house. Our commode was making a leaking noise and my engineer hubby thought it best not to try to fix it. Probably a wise move. Anyway, I tidied up the toilet area, and took the copy of The Shack from there out of his way. (yeah, we read there, too) I almost put it on the bookshelf in the bedroom, but instead felt compelled to leave it in the bathroom in full view. When the plumber (Jerry) came in, that was the first thing he saw and from there ensued an incredible conversation of testimony about how the book helped him; his recovery from alcoholism, his personal relationship with Jesus, etc. It was amazing, too.

So, I'm better. Still battling, but I realize the battle is with nothing more than the enemy...and sometimes I am my own enemy. I have an auto-immune disease, which means that my body fights against itself.

Time to stop that. The sword is out to fight the right battles, not for self-inflicted wounds.

Why? Why??

2010-01-28T21:14:00.002-06:00

I don't know why I hang on the facebook thing. It's like voyeurism...a quick peek at everyone's life.

This takes more work. I've already talked about it, but maybe I'm getting lazy in my old age.

I've applied and been accepted in an alternative certification process for special ed. I'll eventually get certified to teach art...that should be easy, but the special ed kids just pull at my heart. I overheard some teachers complaining about one of my kiddos the other day, and it really stabbed at me. I'm subbing for a long period for a teacher who is out with an injury. I'll be replaced after I'm there close to 30 days for a certified special ed sub because I'm not "highly qualified" yet. Good luck is all I can say to that sub. I've known the kids I'm working with for 4 years. I'm worried about when they have a stranger with them. It's been hard enough without their regular teacher that they've known even longer than me.

Spent a night and a day in the hospital being poked and prodded after a suspected TIA; my regular Dr. thinks it is a sciatic thing. I lost almost all sensation in a leg. Kinda freaked me out and made me reconsider working full time. It seems my working has just been interupted with family and me being sick...my dad was in the hospital for gallbladder removal a month or so ago. I spent a week up in his neck of the woods bouncing back and forth between the hospital and making sure my step mom was okay with home health care.

I'm on prednisone and fighting every impulse to eat anything that comes my way. Chocolate...fear me!! It's just a short course, so hopefully the damage won't be done too much.

Getting older is freaky. I've gotten so much joy out of working with these kids, the days fly by. It won't be easy, but we'll see where God is leading.

I have a few hospital stories to share...both from my dad's stay, and mine. God made Himself known both places! Next time! :-)

Waiting on a new year

2009-12-27T14:59:00.002-06:00

Just hoping that the next season is gentler on some of us.

Here are my new babies. I hope your Christmas was merry and your new year blessed!!

School daze

2009-12-03T18:24:00.004-06:00

I've been subbing....a lot. Still trying to decide if I want to jump into the special ed thing. Those jobs are certainly in high need.

I was in one room with a couple of autistic kiddos. I had a sweater on and was hot, so I took it off. I had a short sleeved shirt on. One of the little boys started rubbing my upper arm. "Smooooth..." he said. I was so pleased with myself. "..and JIGGLY!" he gleefully added.

Another little boy, labeled emotionally disturbed....CUTE CUTE CUTE kid!! I can't stand it, he is so cute! Did I mention he's cute?? Big, brown doe-eyes. Round chubby cheeks. He got upset at something and started in with the Damien face...evil eyes, furrowed brow, clenched jaw and fists, heavy, labored breathing. He came up to me....darn close...inches from my own angelic face. ;-) I reached over with my index finger, tapped the tip of his nose gently and said, "Boop!" Totally diffused him. I'm pretty sure that technique isn't in the books....

Another autistic boy, 5th grade. Has made wonderful strides. One day in class, just would not write what he was supposed to in his class notebook. I tried all the little ways, the polite ways, the non-confrontative ways to entice him to success. He simply wouldn't write. He is high functioning and knew fully what to do. I finally leaned over to him and hissed in his ear, "JUUUUST DOOO IIIIT...NOW!" I'll be darned. The 50's parenting technique works on others' children, too!

I'll remember more. They just crack me up.

Sunday? I think...

2009-11-29T21:11:00.004-06:00

I've lost track of time. I have one more day off, then back at it. Nice week in all. Thanksgiving at my dad's. (We took food up to his place) Decorated a little tree for him and my step mom.

Actually got nearly half way through a book! The Visitation by Frank Peretti. I'm laboring through it a bit. He usually has way too many characters, it's a bit long...and I have a hard time keeping up if I'm not reading every day. But, getting halfway through a novel is, well, novel for me.

I enjoy the FB experience, it's still just a little...either too much or too little. Kind of cyber voyeurism. It's an amazing little invention. Sometimes I think about shutting it down, kind of like what we all go through with blogging. We do that when we feel a little too vulnerable, the too "glass-housey" feeling.

I seem to be spending a lot of time alone lately, which seems to suit me. I have 2 new doggies to spend time with. They are very sweet, and I'll be adding pictures soon. We went out to look at the Husky Shepherd mix (like we were just gonna 'look') and ended up taking her and a chocolate lab puppy (8 months now). They said he was a mix. I just don't see it. He is so much like a chocolate male Gracie, it's unreal. He even responds to commands that I inadvertedly say that only she knew. He's tall and slim and sweet. I didn't want a Husky, a German Shepherd, a male, nor a lab. I got 'em all. The Husky was a bit of a challenge--she thought she was the Alpha dog....we set that straight....but she is turning into such a sweet girl. Walking was the problem, but that's better. Anyway, they are good company, and very loving.

Do you ever just need to be by yourself? I guess Jesus needed that, why wouldn't we? I've been spending the time thinking about being well. Getting massages that are breaking up some connective tissue issues; reading; walking. Time of reflection?

My neighbor and I had a run in again. I saw him in my yard and driveway blowing his tree's fallen leaves back over to his yard. I had a cup of coffee in my hand and felt the HS leading me to talk to him. I went over to him (he was back in his yard) and said hi. I smiled and told him not to bother with the leaves...they weren't bothering us...it's fall, after all, and it is a beautiful tree. He stared at me and said, "Why are you all up in my business? Why are you here?"

So much for following that HS lead..... :-/

I hope you have an awesome week! I'm going to visit your blogs, now!

Unrestful Sunday....

2009-11-22T10:57:00.002-06:00

I'm in a snarky mood today. Seeing selfishness, judgment, meanness, mockery, entitlement. All very ugly. Some personal problems that are very painful.

I lost my minister that I would be calling right about now. He would call me in similar circumstances. Ironic that we saw each other very little. Phone was our communication. Just hearing his voice on the other end brought me a little closer to hearing God's words to me. Mike had one foot (or more) in the spiritual world. I miss him keenly.

Husband's work is way affected by the economy right now. Their customers are waiting on Obama money and are not purchasing. This is so indicative of what happens when the government steps in. Thomas Sowell, in "Vision of the Anointed" gives statistical fact about what happens to a society when the government intervenes. It simply creates more neediness and poverty. We will be taking a salary hit in December. All employees are required to take unpaid vacation in December. They are employing these methods to avoid any layoffs.

Although I'm not supposed to be working full-time, I've been subbing full time to offset salary cuts, and am going to apply for certification to teach. I'll be working toward a Special Ed certification since those jobs are hard to fill. My doctor is not pleased, but it's about all I can do now to help rebuild our retirement and anticipate tax increases thanks to Mr. Obama.

Art is very sketchy now. Punny. No one wants to pay a reasonable rate for murals. I had one woman, who lives very nicely in a very large house, offer me $75 to paint a small mural in her kitchen. That's okay, they exhaust me anyhow. Takes me 3 days to rest up now, after painting a large one.

This has been a season of losses, of illness, of frustration and alone-ness. I'm feeling spiritually bereft. Can you tell? ;-)

It will change, it always does.

Those special people....

2009-11-16T21:41:00.004-06:00

I'm posting his name.....Michael Stephen Dunn. My friend and brother in Christ. Sometimes people come into your life that change the way you think about life, God, living, ministering.
Mike did that for me and for many others....some who may not even know that the man was praying for them. Mike passed away today from struggling with the effects of chemo on his body.
He is finally where he has always wanted to be....in the arms of our Creator.

It's Crazy....

2009-11-15T21:43:00.003-06:00

I am such a FB addict now. It's like cyber-voyeurism. Catch a glimpse of everyone's day. Will anyone comment on my status, or comment on a comment on a comment (or how much I wish I hadn't liked your status because I have 80 notifications about it)?

It's crazy.

I need to get back to blogging. It's the deeper stuff I need. I always sort of scoffed at journals and such...we were forced to journal in jr. high and high school. I'm not the sort who likes to be forced to do anything.

Blogging is journaling by choice, and I need to journal more.

I need to read your thoughts...the ones that you haven't just typed in while waiting for an appointment or a coffee. Those are important...but it's the more orchestrated ones that intrigue me the most.

FB is sort of the flesh.....blogging is the soul.

For Gracie and all the dogs we've loved before.....

2009-10-04T19:23:00.001-05:00

Emily's Amazing Grace * September 17, 2003-October 1, 2009

Missing you so.

Numbers that matter

2009-09-06T10:27:00.004-05:00

A resounding theme with folks who are ill is numbers. Blood counts, percentages, antibody levels, kidney function. We all hold our breath to see the "numbers."
I've seen, through the work of the Lord, that these numbers don't always mean much. We're told Gracie has had 5% kidney function for some time now. I cannot accept that, and we don't accept it, nor receive it. How in the world could an animal, or a human, run like a maniac on 5% kidney function? True, she may drop dead running. That wouldn't be a bad thing, going while doing what you love, now, would it?
Numbers aren't all they are cracked up to be...or at least some of them.
You may find this next story a little TMI, but that's okay. For a week, every morning at 3:16 I kept waking up to, well, you know...go to the bathroom. Every time I'd look at the clock, it was 3:16. I even had a dream that I had to be somewhere at 3:16.
It was seriously driving me crazy.
Finally, exasperated, I just asked. "LORD!!! What are you trying to tell me by sending me to the John at 3:16?!?"
Oh.
John 3:16
He has a sense of humor. He has to. He made ME.
The Concordant Literal NT:
"For thus God loves the world, so that He gives His only-begotten Son, that every believing in Him should no be perishing (middle voice) but may be having life eonian."
I know that is a slightly different verse than you are used to, but it makes perfect sense to me, with my universalist leanings. It also yells hope and promise all over the place for the people I worry about.
I don't know if it speaks to you; I hope it does. Some numbers matter.

August Ramblings...

2009-08-12T10:10:00.003-05:00

This is long. If you don't feel like wading through, at least read the last paragraph and verse. ;-)

I've been absent here...Facebook draws attention and addiction, but I want to put things here that I'm feeling...stuff that I don't want on FB. It has its merit, but sometimes we forget who all is reading that....that happens here, too, but I've kept my blog a bit of a secret to some friends and family.

This has been a roller-coaster season for me. I've been angry. I've been depressed. I've been frustrated. I've been joyful. I've been at utter peace and in utter desperation. Missy has been reporting on her journey with auto-immune disease. It makes me mad that she is going through this and brings back my journey of 20 some years ago when it officially began. I have several friends struggling so mightily that it makes me beyond pissed off. Robert's dealing with his heart issues--so unfair that a man with such a good heart is struggling with that physical heart. I have friends with cancer. My brother and stepmom's neurological diseases are progressing--Jill at Altered with ALS, KB and wife Ann struggling. We learn so much from these struggles; everyone has a journey, but now at my age, it begins to create more fear and anger. I'm supposed to be a mature spiritual person, and these things aren't supposed to phase me as much anymore, right? It seems I am able to handle them less.

Struggling on a day to day basis with my best furry friend has been heartbreaking, exhilarating, and frustrating all in one. Some folks won't understand the caring so much for a dog, but this one is special to me because she has changed my life. It's so unfair to watch her spirit, her life, her happiness, knowing that vital organs are failing, and yet be blessed that she is doing so well. She doesn't want to eat kidney diet food, so I have to prepare special stuff for her. When she turns her nose up at stuff I've labored over, it really gets me. A lot of people wouldn't even do this for their pets. I just can't give up for now. I had guilt over missed symptoms, but I think I've been relieved of that, believing that God has big plans for us all, in all circumstances. Women get bent out of shape when loved ones won't eat, don't you think? My guys say, "She's not hungry, forget it." Dogs are ALWAYS hungry. She wants to eat what she wants to eat, so that's where we are. Quality of life over quantity. Women, when someone dies or is sick, cook. We are life-bringers. Food=life. That's what we do.

I've never been on so much medication in my life. My lupus has flared, and I'm on a bunch of stuff I would never have touched before. Supplements, too. Only 2 medications pictured here are essential to my survival...my thyroid meds. The rest are treating symptoms of pain, fatigue, and depression. I take them with an open mind and a prayer that it is only for a short time. I am so tired, I fall asleep when I sit for any length of time.

Yet, still, if you've read this far, I have hope. Not Obama hope, mind you. ;-)
I've applied for a full time job that may open up in the next few weeks at the school that I love. It's not available yet, but God will figure all that out. I'm still a sub. I've worked on murals through this lupus season. I keep yelling at God, and He sticks with me no matter what.

The other day I was filling up my car with gas and I looked around at all the people wandering around without talking to each other. The TV show, "Joan of Arcadia" came to mind....God talks to Joan through other people, stepping into them to give her a word, a scolding, etc. I actually started berating God under my breath..."What's all this about, huh? What's with all the suffering?! Why are you letting good people hurt? Why can't you send one of these people over to give me a WORD....SOMETHING, ANYTHING from you that can soften this anger I have?! I don't want to be angry with You!" Nothing. I finished filling up and paying and went on my way. I needed to pick up some stuff from the vet, so walked in and it was empty except for a woman with a young, black mixed-breed dog. The dog's face was battle-scarred. White, furless, lines showed through the short black fur on her face. Scars showed up over her body. Yet, for whatever she had been through, she ambled over to me when I sat down. She put her paws on my knees, then reached a paw up to my face. I leaned over, placing my hands on her, softly petting her. She gave me sweet doggie kisses. Her owner came over and sat. I said, "What a sweet girl you have. What is her name?"
The woman responded, "Grace."
Ask and receive. :-)

Matthew 11:28-30 (New International Version)
28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Long time, no see...

2009-07-11T11:55:00.003-05:00

It's been a while. Lots of stuff going on. Dog is still here. She is an amazing Grace. Not only here, but happy and energetic. They are amazed. I don't know how long this will be, but I hope there is no suffering for her.
I'm going to get to all of your blogs this weekend! I must catch up. It's been too long, you've all been in my thoughts and prayers. I love that some of you are on Facebook. If you are and I don't know it, let me know.
Have a wonderful weekend. Stay cool, for all of you in the Northern Hemisphere!

Update

2009-05-21T16:07:00.003-05:00

Just back from the vet for acupuncture for Gracie; we haven't checked her kidney numbers in a couple of weeks--decided that she's feeling good, eating, playing, etc., and there's not anything more we can do for her than we're already doing. I've got her routine down pretty good. Dr. says it appears she isn't in any pain, etc., and I think that's true because she knocks me over in the morning to get outside to play. I think they are surprised.
We are really blessed! Thanking God, and thank you so much for prayers and good thoughts!
I have no idea when or how things will happen (who does about anything?), which has been a valuable lesson through all of this. We are learning to take things a day at a time. Or, at least, still trying.

Things I've learned from Gracie:

Greet the new day with anticipation.
Play whenever you can.
Greet everyone as a friend.
Forgive.
Look at the same old things as if they're new.
Nap when possible.
Get some sun.
Listen
Walk. A lot.
Live in the moment.
Live with joy.

Added "listen." She does that very well....

Fear mongers

2009-05-08T11:21:00.004-05:00

I went into a class yesterday morning to pull out a couple of special needs kids; the class is Hispanic, but all the kids speak English very well. These are some of the kids that I adore. I subbed for that teacher for a week and brought home all kinds of handmade and hand-picked flowers, rocks, and paper dolls, given as gifts to me. That'll rock your world. These are some of the kids that mob-hug me. I was subbing in PE and 12 of them rushed me. Thank God they were all around me or they'd have taken me down! About 600 pounds of kid smacking into me yelling, "MS D!!!"
I love it, of course.
Anyway, as I was in the class about 4 of them ran up to hug me, and the teacher pulled me aside and told me that the folks that run a not-to-be named organization from the local hotel behemoth come into the classrooms to conduct little seminars for the kids. She said they asked the teacher if, before they came, she could tell the kids not to hug them. You know...Hispanic kids, swine flu, etc. The teacher said, "How was I supposed to tell these kids not to hug? What should I say?" I asked, "What DID you do?" She laughed and said she gathered the kids around and told them, "Class, the nice ladies that come to school today are from a hotel. Sometimes, since there are all kinds of people from all over in hotels, they could be carrying certain viruses or 'bugs.' I don't want you to get sick, so when they come, it's probably better not to hug them!" She said the kids all got wide-eyed and said, "OK!"
HA HA!! When the ladies came, the kids sat at their seats and waved sweetly. When they left, they waved sweetly good-bye. And the "ladies" never knew that THEY were the verboten ones!

One day at a time....

2009-04-29T14:25:00.004-05:00

..That's what Gracie is teaching me (with our Dad at the helm, of course). She's had good days, and we're heading off to the vet in a little bit to check her blood. She'll get some acupuncture, too. Last week it jazzed her up, and it made us both feel better. The lesson here is really that we're only promised this day. Gracie wakes up with a smile on her face and is still rarin' to go. Skinny girl, but eats enough to chase the ball and squirrels.

Robert is heading to Iraq. His wife sent me the send-off pictures from Ft. Hood and those made me cry. 12 to 16 months. I worry about him, and will just have to put him in God's hands.

Like just about everything else, right?

This song from Downhere has comforted me these days:

Yes, Marc Martel sounds (and looks) a lot like Freddie Mercury as evidenced by this little number he did for a church that had a message based on Bohemian Rhapsody. Incredible:

2009-04-01T18:22:00.004-05:00

Psalm 121

I lift up my eyes to the hills --where does my help come from?

My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip --He who watches over you will not slumber;

indeed, He who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.

The LORD watches over you --the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.

The LORD will keep you from all harm --

He will watch over your life;

the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forever more.

Thanks, Connie

My breaking heart

2009-03-26T19:03:00.006-05:00

My sweet and beautiful lab, Gracie, has kidneys that are failing. The vet hasn't given up on her yet, and we will take her one more day tomorrow for IV fluids. I beat myself up because I should have seen signs (that really weren't there) and been more vigilant. I have had her on a strict kidney diet and she gets lots of love, play, and exercise. All she exhibited was pickiness in food, not wanting to eat her kidney diet food; but would happily eat anything else. But, we knew she had kidney problems from birth and they had given her about a year to live. She's 5 and a half now. I am struggling so hard. This beauty saved my life.....but I don't think I can save hers.

Update

2009-03-16T18:56:00.003-05:00

Well, my chiropractor never got back with me...and I haven't called him back. I don't want to mess with someone who is not committed, you know what I mean? I'm taking all the steps that I knew he'd prescribe anyway, except I'm not close to giving up chicken or fish.
I've been juicing every day. Connie is too, and we can bounce recipes back and forth...I pretty much stick to an anti-inflammatory recipe with ginger for arthritis. I also drink Pau d'arco tea with....100% organic catnip added. You heard me. I'm tellin' you, it is a safe and relaxing herb--unless I am allergic to it. So far, so good. I researched it mahself. Pain relief without the side effects...and my hands are feeling normal. I've also lost about 5 pounds.
I walk a mile a day.
I'm cleaning up my stinkin' thinkin' and looking forward, and laughing when it's hard to physically move forward.
So much to be grateful for, so many blessings. Gives me energy to be praying for my stepmom, brother, Ann, Bob, Barbara, Keven, Paige and hubby, and all of you who mean so much to me.

Sweet

2009-03-03T22:17:00.003-06:00

Here's my boy, and his proud dad looking on during a visit a couple weeks ago. Robert's
grandmother passed away this week, so it's been rough on all of them. Robert ships out on the 15th of April to Iraq. I'm pretty much not happy about that.

Trying to live like my prior post....

2009-02-26T17:20:00.005-06:00

Man. So much suffering. Friends losing family. Friends losing jobs, but not bills. Friends having family troubles. Companies downsizing and closing plants. Friends who are sick and suffering. Running a prayer ministry is a blessing, yet can be difficult.

Sigh.

Does anyone have some good news to report? I'd really like to hear some good news.

Be still and know.....

2009-02-17T08:22:00.001-06:00

I caught Joyce Meyer this morning. I have an afternoon gig at a school, but woke up a little later than usual (6 a.m.) and thought: Hmmm. Need to listen to Joyce this morning. She talked about peace. My life has been filled with much more peace since my last health scare. A little over a year ago, a chest xray showed a spot on my lung. 25 years ago, my lungs were filled with calcification from living with a smoker and a bout of bronchitis every year that I was at my folk's home. I nearly passed out when the doctor showed me my chest xray. 25 year old woman with lungs that looked like that. Add to it that my mom died of lung cancer 10 years after she quit smoking and you have the makings of a pot full 'o fear. As I was working on a mural a year ago, waiting for my appointment for a CT scan (they always make you wait at least a week, right?) my anxiety level was through the roof.

Slapping paint on a 2000 sq ft. mural, I could feel the fear rising. I was trying to concentrate on my work and ignore the fear. Finally, I got desperate and put my brush down. I got on my knees that day...nice, too, that it was a church I was working in....and pleaded with Father. I asked him to PLEASE, whatever was going to happen, I didn't care...but to PLEASE just give me peace about it! No more anxiety! If I was to live, please let me live on a day to day basis, not fearing the future. If I was to die, please let me live on a day to day basis, not fearing the future. I suddenly realized that I was praying for the same thing, either way, and the outcome made no difference; it was the peace of each day that mattered. A friend in the church, a man who ministers to prison inmates and battles his own demons staying sober and fighting Hep C came by later and told me my CT scan would be clean.

Something happened that day. The colors of everything became brighter. I noticed miniscule stuff. Tiny details. "Look at the shape of those leaves! Isn't that amazing? And they are so GREEN in January! Can you believe that?! See the little orange dots on there. Amazing!!" My family probably thought I was nuts.

I was a tad nervous on my CT day, but not crazily. I prayed in the spirit the night before and felt a healing occur. My CT scan was clean; nothing was remarkable. No calcifications mentioned.

So, when listening to Joyce talk about peace, I was reminded of that and even further back. My mom had become disgruntled with our church when the pastor had an affair with a member, and we stopped going. For some reason, though, she signed me up for vacation Bible school when I was still in elementary school. Yep, it was offered through the school, can you believe that? I had no idea what it was all about, but I remember packing a little sack lunch and going off to this place every day for a week. It was magical. We talked about stuff we never talked about in school--or at home. The teacher told us about God, and Jesus, and I was....intrigued and amazed. We walked out of the school one day and sat on the hill outside the school and ate our lunches as she talked more about God. It was summer in Iowa, but it was a breezy day. I still remember that one day, on the hill, being fed inside and out and hearing the Word of God. The cool breezes were tempering the hot sun and....life stood still. Just that place, that day, that moment...I existed, aware of He and I, together. The Now of being....The Stillness of knowing He is God. The peace.

I remember that day more than any other day of my childhood and it never really occured to me that it was the beginning of who I became in the Lord, that He has made a few standout days in particular for me to know that He is there. To remember those days reminds me to remember the importance of ONE day. EACH day. To sit on a heavenly hill and just BE, in His stillness. To rest in His arms, like a child.

To have peace.

Monday stuff

2009-02-16T15:15:00.003-06:00

I got my bloodwork back last week. It looks better than it has in a long time, so I was wondering why I feel so bad. ANA has been 1:1200 for the last year and a half, which is way, way high...last one was 1:160. Much better. Low inflammation. My joints are worse, even, than my tissue pain. My wrists keep giving out. I've been exercising more, and my feet hurt. I thought, I'm not sure 20 more years of this is worth it.

It's been kind of depressing. I've upped many supplements and my energy has improved immensely, hence the exercise--which could be the pain cause. I've had to restrain a kid a couple of times, and had no problem during or after...but suddenly something changed.

I decided to go to the chiropractor this afternoon and work my way through doctors. I didn't plan on saying much...he's a great chiro and all, but never really impressed with me much. Except today. He told me he'd been at a conference about autoimmune processes and wondered if I'd like to be a guinea pig....just his cost for the supplements. Anyway, long story short...EVERYTHING he told me lined up with my inner voice telling me what I needed to do--today I have just had liquid smoothies and a veggie soup that I concocted. He tested me for allergies and, amazingly, I'm not allergic to things that I used to be allergic to. 30 day trial and not a lot of cost.

I had prayed this morning for SOMETHING, ANYBODY to listen and help me out here.

I hope this was an answer.

Sisters....

2009-01-29T12:09:00.000-06:00

My sister-in-Christ, Connie, steps out boldly:
http://picturetheword.blogspot.com/

On Emma's time

2009-01-12T19:26:00.004-06:00

I watched Jane Austen's Emma the other night. I love both versions: one with Gwyneth and one with Kate. The story is so sweet. I couldn't help but stare when I saw Emma and Harriet Smith talking, taking tea together, nearly knee to knee.
Hardly ever do we meet over tea; knee to knee; face to face, to catch up on all the news. We meet for coffee in shops; we meet for dinner in restaurants; we email; we Facebook; we Myspace, we text. In Emma's day, face to face was the only way---save for letters hand-delivered---to communicate. They savored every moment of someone coming to visit. Things were tidy (cuz the "help" did it!) and upon the arrival, everyone straightened up to look as if they hadn't a care in the world when the visitors were announced. Then the visiting began and the focus was on each other, on each other's face and words.
I see my friend Connie very infrequently even though we talk on the phone every day. It was as if God heard my yearning at watching Emma. Connie called me up and said she was coming over to bring me some books to read--and I put the kettle on. It was a sweet visit; hugging in the flesh, face to face. Gracie adores her, and they made over each other grandly (we had to roll the hairy effects of the loving off of Connie's lovely outfit!)
It was the most peaceful part of my day.
Matchmaking aside, Emma knew what she was doing.

Crossroads rest stop...

2009-01-08T21:04:00.003-06:00

Well, I may not know where I'm heading, but I'll tell ya one thing. Going back to substitute teach at my favorite school after Christmas break and getting mob-hugged by about 30 little kids is just about the bestest thing in the whole wide world.

New reasons to knock the dust off. . .

2009-01-05T15:01:00.006-06:00

Matthew 10:14
If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, shake the dust off your feet when you leave that home or town.
I've always liked this verse. It's sort of a second chance (and isn't our big Daddy the God of second chances?) and speaks to me of moving on, unhindered.
A pastor friend of mine did a live-stream message last week about moving on in 2009. He referenced that passage and put a new light onto it.
We see this as shaking the dust off so we can forget what has not been received and move on.
How about shaking the stuff off so we don't drag the old garbage to the new place?
Ho ho! That's interesting! How much of our old junk do we haul around on our "shoes?" Some of it, I think, we'll really need to scrape off!
Let's move on into 2009 and try not to take a bunch of baggage with us. Let's forgive and forget--perhaps even farther back from 2008! Let's take ownership of what we actually own and let go of what we don't. We can only handle so much. Embrace the new. Let go of the old.
What are some things you need to let go? I'm thinking my list is pretty long!

Shaky start to the new year. . .

2009-01-05T09:47:00.003-06:00

Hmmmm. Maybe it'll get better.
Robert and wife, after actually living together for a month or so as a family, married over a year,(along with several other issues) have decided to call it quits. None of us are happy about this, of course, because Michael is at the top of our concerns. However, the kids are looking out for his best interests (so are we all!) and staying in the same town; both will be financially sound as Bob's wife is in the police academy there. She'll be a good officer. Bob is headed to Afghanistan in a couple of months.
No stress there. Please pray for them, and the little one especially.

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-23T19:29:00.001-06:00

Fun from Luther College in my home state.

I am second

2008-12-21T18:42:00.001-06:00

I Am Second

This is a pretty interesting website. The stories of struggle are captivating and moving.

Christmas work

2008-12-19T14:01:00.004-06:00

I just posted pictures of a box that I did for a client for her daughter on my art pages . Check it out....I'm making a lined satin bag to present it...thanks, Connie for helping with instructions on lining and bag! :-)
Please pray for the teen. She is gene positive for CF; has what they call a "mild" case of it; and has pneumonia and is in the hospital.

Crossroads. . .

2008-12-14T11:52:00.004-06:00

I'm in a weird place...unsettled. I want to be "useful" and am looking at perhaps starting a new career. I keep thinking that 51 is too old to start anything. I don't know where that nonsense comes from....hitting 50 was weird. Glad to be here, though.
I don't know if I can physically handle full-time work or not, but I do know that I'm happier out working and contributing. Thoughts range from these:
**Truly market myself and start doing more art; keep subbing on the side.
**Going back to school for my LPC to become a licensed counselor.
**Go for alternative certification in General, Art, and Special Ed and teach full-time.

Would you offer up a prayer for me to listen for God's word on this? Thanks.

Family Feets

2008-12-12T11:55:00.001-06:00

Just postin' cuz I liked it....can you guess which ones are Gracie's? ;-)

2008-12-08T14:15:00.000-06:00

Christmas silliness annual rant. . .

2008-12-05T19:00:00.004-06:00

I just heard that some public building in some state (great info, huh?!) put out a Nativity scene, so atheists got together and put out something about "There are no gods, angels, blah blah, something about religion is myth and imprisons your brain....blah blah." I forget what it said, but it was presented as a statement of fact, and I don't know if they "signed" their creation or not.

I have a solution to all of this. Stop Christmas. Yeah, that's what I said. Stop it. It's too commercial, anyway. Stop the weeks off from school; stop the days off from work. Our holy day isn't getting any respect. SO, only Christians get Christmas Eve and Christmas day off. No atheists, Muslims, Jews, Buddhists, Pokemon, or anyone but Christians. Period. OOh, ooh, and Good Friday, too.

How's that?

No class

2008-12-04T08:27:00.002-06:00

Since Obama's victory, we have all been lectured about "getting along" and not being divisive, etc. This stupid woman had an extraordinary chance to do an ornament for the White House Christmas tree and chose to turn it into a political statement. She doesn't even like Christmas. She should have declined.

I hate to give her press here, but as I said, we're all supposed to join hands and sing Kumbayah now...yet people continue to bash GW. It's over, okay?

If I were chosen to do an ornament for the Obama White House tree, you can bet I'd strive to make it the best one there...with no political agenda.

Another one bites the dust. . .

2008-12-01T20:19:00.005-06:00

Just lamenting tonight because, once again, a friend has been harmed by a church. Because she is a woman, she was told that she could not be a candidate for a (volunteer) pastoral care position.
Unbelievable. Then these church "leaders" wonder why their churches are not growing.
Didn't God use Deborah and many other women for His work?
Didn't women walk with Jesus?

Didn't Paul say each person brings gifts to the Church?

Didn't Paul work alongside Phoebe, Priscilla, Chloe, Nympha, Junia?
Doesn't it say that "sons AND daughters" will prophesy?
If God has no problem using women, why should anyone else?

Saturday afternoons. . .

2008-11-29T16:26:00.003-06:00

I hear that cats and dogs aren't supposed to get along, but Lizzie and Gracie didn't get the memo. I love days like this. Quiet, overcast, chilly without being outrageously cold. Working on a couple of client projects and sipping some java. Most excellent. I hope your day is special.

2 Generations. . .

2008-11-27T18:53:00.003-06:00

My dad and me, Thanksgiving 2008. He still thinks he's taller than I am. :-) He doesn't look 76, I think. We all had a great day. Hope yours was, too.

3 Generations

2008-11-26T10:46:00.003-06:00

This month marked the 11th anniversary of my mom's death. We took this picture quite a while ago ;-). I am the only woman left in this line. My mom was a holiday queen...holidays were very important to her and she resented her mom, Millie, on the left because Millie couldn't be bothered much. I admired my mom for doing the holidays in grand style...but I also admired why my grandmother wasn't a holiday fan. She was too busy, really. She was a single mom for a time, kicking her ex-husband out of the house for raising a hand to my mother as an infant. My grandmother got them through the depression by working as a hairdresser. When she met my grandpa, Sam, he decided it was his dream to live on the family farm and my city grandma became a farm woman. She plowed straight into it, and ran a small garden as well as the rest of the farm house, barns, animals, and life in general. Millie was...um...shall we say, a little on the cranky and snappish side most of the time. But, I admire her for her hard work. I admire my mom because she was the ultimate house manager. Everything was in order, spotless, ALL the time, even when she became ill. She was the glue that held us together, expanded family and all. It all changed when she passed. I'm not the one to carry that torch, but my kids and I have great memories because of it.
Holidays at our home are lower key. They are about all of us together, laughing, watching movies, and yep...eating. Instead of spending my time in the kitchen, they want me in the living room. Gifts are kept to a minimum, while the reason for the season is at the center. Expectations are different; I guess I could lament in some of the changes, but it's the people I miss, not the trappings.
In honoring their families, each generation takes from the last and forges their own traditions.

Thankful

2008-11-25T14:58:00.003-06:00

Caught another bug this weekend, thanks to a sick teacher who felt compelled to cough on all of us. I actually got angry Monday morning when I woke up with a fever. I was looking forward to meeting with Missy and her hubby for breakfast--my only chance to see her for a spell. I decided fuming wasn't productive..although the adrenaline may be helping my recovery! Instead of fuming, I chose to count blessings instead. . .

When I am ill, I'm thankful that I'm alive
When I have pain, I'm thankful that I can feel
When there is too much going on, I'm thankful for my family
When the alarm rings too early, I'm thankful that I can work
When the phone rings endlessly, I'm thankful I have friends
When there is ugliness all around, I'm thankful that I can see
When my tinnitus is at its loudest, I'm thankful that I can hear
When my feet hurt, I'm thankful that I can walk
When life is overwhelming, I'm thankful for Yahweh

What are you thankful for?

7 random and/or weird facts about me:

2008-11-21T18:10:00.002-06:00

1. I'm a sci-fi nut
2. I know how to tat
3. I can write upside-down and backwards (at the same time, if it's a good day!)
4. I nearly died twice--once as a baby and once as a toddler
5. I had my 'beginning' in a 400 year old house near the North Sea, in Thorpeness, England
6. I've had an out-of-body experience
7. I did editorial cartoons for a time for a newspaper in Garland, Texas

Tag, you're it!

Don tagged me a bit ago on this fun lil' thing:

Rules: Identify the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog

Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself.
Tag 7 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.
Let each person know they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
(I'm lazy. You're all tagged! ;-D)

Rough days. . .

2008-11-13T19:03:00.006-06:00

Warning: Whining alert! ;-)

The last couple of weeks have been rough. I came down with some kind of virus a week ago Sunday. Chills, fever, extensive muscle pain. I wasn't sure if it was some horrid lupus flare or what. Went to the doctor Tuesday after and got a script for antibiotic "just in case" and ended up taking it. It helped. . . now on probiotics to fix the after effects of antibiotic.

The Wednesday morning after election night we get a call around 2:30 am ---those calls that just about stop your heart. . .it was a life alert company for my brother. He had fallen when going to the bathroom, somehow hit his head against a dining room chair and cut it so severely that he couldn't stop the bleeding. He and I have gone back and forth about him wearing his life alert necklace to bed. He was afraid he'd set it off in his sleep (not gonna happen) so he wasn't wearing it. (What does some stupid sister know?) Therefore, as he was bleeding nearly to death, he had to crawl over to the button station in his living room and hit it to alert the company.

Had he lost consciousness (and given the amount of blood he lost, it's a miracle he didn't) he would have bled to death. I would estimate, from the 'crime' scene, he lost at least 2 pints of blood. . .rapidly. He severed a vein and they had a dickens of a time stopping it in the hospital. We spent a very long 5 hours in ER; me running a fever and looking like hell, and my brother sleeping peacefully as fluids were being pumped into him. So, I finally started to comfortably doze off in his little room as we waited for CT results, my head in my hand, and he yells, "WHAT'S THE MATTER?!?"

So, once again, we battled him to get a script for home health care, and to pay for a private pay "sitter" to stay with him for the time he needed to be watched. They wanted someone with him for 24 hours, expecting me to do so (He was to be awakened every 2 hours all day and night). Hubby nixed that, and the wrestle began. He didn't want to pay someone to stay with him overnight...but I drew a boundary line and he relented. Some of my family think I'm pretty selfish for having boundaries, I think.

I worked at home for the next few days trying to play catch-up and managed to snag a cool mural job. That didn't take very long, and was fun....I was given carte-blanche to "just do it." I loved that.

I subbed today at the school where the student who is emotionally disturbed goes. I had emailed his teacher a few times last week to see if I could come and visit with him at lunch. No responses. Apparently, he was doing okay after a week at a psychiatric hospital after medication adjustments. I showed up for work today expecting to be able to give him a big birthday hug--but he was taken back to the hospital and no one told me. The prognosis isn't good for long term and he may end up in a state hospital indefinitely. He's becoming violent to himself and others.
This hit me hard. The last time he ended up in the hospital was on a day that I had been gone for a week because they had a potential hire for the job I kept subbing for. I showed up that day to fill in and he was...not him....if you know what I mean. Different.
It breaks my heart. I came home and just cried. He hasn't had a chance. His parents are horrible. His only chance has been his grandmother. . .and she has given up.
Would you pray for him? I can't say his name, but God will know who you're praying for. Thanks.

(Yes....it's funny and ironic that I can have such compassion for a near stranger, yet set boundaries and get frustrated with my brother. Jesus said there'd be days like that. . . .)

"I spoke with Him this morning. . . "

2008-11-09T10:21:00.003-06:00

Nicole C. Mullen "I Know My Redeemer Lives"

Damp parades and all that. . .

2008-11-07T09:21:00.006-06:00

Congratulations to President-elect Barack Obama. Your people ran a significant and successful campaign. I will be praying for your safety and wisdom, and your lovely family, every single day. There are calls all over blogdom for prayer and support for our new president. Calls to refrain from speaking ill of him; to believe the best of him. I think that's great.
Did we do the same for President Bush? No. We didn't. Period. Well, except for the crazy, right-winged, religious nut-cases, that is.
The media has changed drastically in the last few decades. I don't know where I'd be had I continued in journalism. There is no objectivity in reporting. Chris Matthews actually came out and said his job was to make Obama a success in the next 4 years. Is that whether O merits that success? Or will we be fed only the successes? Will the Fairness Doctrine, if put through, apply to mainstream media also? At least conservative talk radio is readily identifiable. Mainstream media is adept at its deception.
Back to my prior point: I am ashamed of our country. We present a very poor image to the rest of the world. We blame President Bush for this image, but that's a big fat lie. When a leader disappoints us we start in on him or her and it never stops. The people we elect are bashed and battered and left in the gutter. Heck, if we don't want them elected we're allowed to make continual SNL parodies till some of us want to vomit. I noticed the self-righteous Obama camp never asked SNL to stop mocking Sarah Palin. And, where was the ACLU when Joe Wurzelbacher's privacy rights were being illegally and immorally violated? I know we're all supposed to be in a state of euphoria over the changing of the guard, but, frankly, I'm very worried.
The majority of us have no idea of how our government works, nor do we take part in any kind of service to our country. It's absolutely shameful.
I wrote President Bush a thank you note...a few times. I heard a woman from Canada ask Mike Huckabee why Americans are so cruel to George Bush. She said Canadians love him. Israel loves him. Why don't we? "He's kept you safe," she said. She's right. We've been safe for the last 7 years. All of my soldiers who come back tell me that they are proud of their work in Iraq. It wasn't just George Bush who took us into Iraq.
This article says what I feel: Treatment of President Bush.When Barack Obama makes his mistakes (and he will, just like Bush and the others, and with the help of other leaders) how will he be treated? Well, probably a little better, thanks to Chris Matthews.
Before we try to bless the new administration, I believe we need to repent over the treatment of the last. What are we teaching our next generations?

2008-10-29T18:45:00.001-05:00

You Should Be Allowed to Vote

You got 15/15 questions correct.

Generally speaking, you're very well informed.

If you vote this election, you'll know exactly who (and what) you'll be voting for.

You're likely to have strong opinions, and you have the facts to back them up.

Should You Be Allowed to Vote?

MY turn

2008-10-26T12:37:00.012-05:00

I commented on another blog that I had REALLY McVoted and that I wasn't choosing the lesser of two evils....that I just didn't pick the evil.
Oh, my....
The fact is, that I can have an opinion. I speak only for myself, yet, I've seen many on blogs speak for everyone. And I have not made personal jabs at anyone for their opinions...even though I've taken them.
Or, maybe we're not going to have free speech anymore.
The other morning a news story broke that the Obama camp has frozen out a news station for asking tough questions--she based them on Biden's OWN comments. Biden didn't like her questions and belittled her. How is the most likely coming Obama Administration going to handle tough grilling? Apparently, by attacking and freezing out those who might ask tough questions. Joe the Plumber has been attacked every which way because he had the audacity to ask a question.
Sarah Palin has basically taken all the heat. An effigy of Obama was met with outrage and censorship at a university...one of Palin hanging by the neck was allowed to hang in the interest of free speech. And, the outrage about her clothing. Campaigns can spend their money any way they want. Whether it's on a jet for Obama, or clothing for Palin that she donates. Personally, I find her clothing less of an issue than the company Barack Obama has kept for 2 or more decades. The argument that Jesus hung around with questionable characters falls flat. I don't think there were unrepentant criminals in his posse.
I've taken note that Biden has refrained from speaking much, but when he does, he puts his foot in his mouth...and still nothing happens. I watched Charlie Gibson a couple of times and the sneering in his face and voice when he said, "McCain" was disgusting. As a former journalism major, these guys fall flat on the core of reporting: objectivity.
I've seen McCain accused of fear mongering and anger, with the same behavior by the accusers. I've seen an incredibly condescending Ron Howard video. Must be nice to be a gazillionaire director who can "teach" the ignorant masses to not be afraid of "change." I've seen comments about how stupid people are because they don't agree with the commenter. And this is from people who claim that one man is going to change everything. Human nature will not change. Hate and anger are in abundance in both parties.
I've kept the Madonna "I'm gonna kick Palin's ass" concert video off of here. And Sandra Bernhard's anti-Palin foul-mouthed diatribe off. And the "Sarah Palin is a C...T" t-shirt pictures off.
I do see a dark side to Obama. I hear a lot of "He has inspired ME." or "He has given ME hope." Me, me, me.
And, I can say so. A lot of bloggers don't agree with me. Will we still be friends when this is all over? I can love you and completely disagree with you. The most vocal of you are Obama followers. The least vocal are McCain's.
The trick to keeping an open mind is to make sure it's not so open that the brains fall out.
I can't wait for Wednesday morning.

Big move. . .

2008-10-18T14:46:00.001-05:00

My littlest soldier moves to Ft. Hood today.

Moving is tiring.

He saw a comfy spot

and crashed. That's the

quietest he's been all day!

You can have one, too.

2008-10-17T12:56:00.002-05:00

If I do nothing else with this blog, I hope it's for a good cause. One
of my soldiers that I've adopted through

www.soldiersangels.org

sent me this picture of a "Mountain Dew."
Please consider adopting a soldier if you haven't...especially right
now around the holidays.
You'll be glad and blessed.

Trials

2008-10-15T12:25:00.006-05:00

I was taking a break, or so I thought. I know one thing. Never again, never anything of a political nature here. I'll have to trust Him when I step up to the ballot. I have no idea what I'm going to do.

Still may take a break, but God's working.

After my friend called about his daughter and grandson, and not knowing what was happening, or even if they were alive, I got on my knees and thanked God for them, and prayed His hand in their lives, and asked Him if they were okay. He said, "Yes."

Of course, we never trust ourselves, do we? We're obviously talking to ourselves. What does it take to trust? I was overcome with a sense of peace after I heard that, though. Turns out I heard right. Praise God.

Yesterday, I was asking God why we suffer so much, so many in such pain. Many of you are in pain with chronic disease. I'm in the middle of a wicked flare of lupus and fibromyalgia right now. I have only worked 2 days out of the last 8.
Why is my stepmom suffering with a neurological disease just when she found happiness with my dad?
Why are KB and Ann also dealing with a neurological illness and both of them with such trials?
Why are some moms going through so much right now?

"Why, God?" I asked.

He said, "My Son suffered, too, you know."

A tad angry, I said, "Well, at least He knew what was going to happen after all that!!"

God said, "So do you."

Urgent prayer needed

2008-10-15T08:46:00.004-05:00

My dear friend Mike needs prayer for his whole family. His daughter Lisa and at least one of his grandsons was in a car accident this morning....nothing is known yet....he is on the way to the hospital. They called and said they needed an adult there. Very, very scared. Please pray.

Lisa and Landon are alive....Lisa pretty beat up. Landon untouched although his and his brother's carseats are demolished. Parameds said the Hand of God was on them. Someone hit them, they spun into and wrapped around a pole. Most damage done to the place where Aiden, 4, usually sits. They had JUST dropped him off at daycare. Praisin' God right now!!!

2008-10-13T09:01:00.001-05:00

Substandard

2008-10-12T19:56:00.004-05:00

We've been having a back and forth here, which is good, I hope. Unfortunately, because of my own ineptness...I think you've misunderstood. Or, perhaps, you've only seen the assault on your own candidate. For those of you who support Obama, I don't like him. For those of you who support McCain, I don't like him, either. The American people have been handed--and accepted--substandard candidates--and I like that least of all. Who would be good enough, you ask? A role model? A strong and reputable person? Someone the world and our enemies would respect? Someone who is smart enough to NOT want to be president! Colin Powell.

Here's a little something to leave with you for now. Enjoy!

2008-10-11T20:55:00.002-05:00

Who is buying the White House?

Disturbing. Where are those funds from Obama coming from? McCain has full disclosure of his funding. Looks like Hillary may have been the best pick for Democrats.

Here is a little something someone sent to me about McCain's possible character:
McCain's gambling

See why I'm nuts this election season??

I promised myself no YouTube stuff...

2008-10-11T16:03:00.003-05:00

Are they saying "Alpha Omega"?!
"Because of Obama" they will succeed?
That is sad, indeed.
(For the record, I don't think this video has been sanctioned by O.)

A few for laughs

2008-10-08T19:13:00.003-05:00

'If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed;
If you do read the newspaper you are misinformed.'
-Mark Twain

Suppose you were an idiot.
And suppose you were a member of Congress....
But then I repeat myself.
-Mark Twain

I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity
is like a man standing in a bucket and
trying to lift himself up by the handle.
-Winston Churchill

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul
can always depend on the support of Paul.
- George Bernard Shaw

Democracy must be something more than
two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.
-James Bovard , Civil Libertarian (1994)

Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from
poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.
-Douglas Casey,

Giving money and power to the government is like
giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
-P.J. O'Rourke , Civil Libertarian

Government is the great fiction, through which everybody
endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else.
-Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850)

Government's view of the economy could be
summed up in a few short phrases:
If it moves, tax it.
If it keeps moving, regulate it.
And if it stops moving, subsidize it.
-Ronald Reagan (1986)

I don't make jokes...
I just watch the government and report the facts.
-Will Rogers

If you think health care is expensive now,
wait until you see what it costs when it's free!
- P.J. O'Rourke

In general, the art of government consists of
taking as much money as possible from
one party of the citizens to give to the other.
-Voltaire (1764)

Just because you do not take an interest in politics
doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you!
-Pericles (430 B.C.)

No man's life, liberty, or property is safe
while the legislature is in session.
-Mark Twain (1866 )

Talk is cheap...except when Congress does it.
-Unknown

The government is like a baby's alimentary canal:
a happy appetite at one end and
no responsibility at the other.
-Ronald Reagan

The inherent vice of capitalism is
the unequal sharing of the blessings.
The inherent blessing of socialism is
the equal sharing of misery.
-Winston Churchill

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist
is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.
-Mark Twain

What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.
-Edward Langley, Artist (1928 - 1995)

A government big enough to give you everything you want,
is strong enough to take everything you have.
-Thomas Jefferson

Election

2008-10-08T08:01:00.005-05:00

I missed a lot of the debate last night because our choral group was rehearsing our talent show song. From what I saw, it seemed kind of a dud.

For all they are worth, the polls indicate Obama as the probable winner. Over at Brian's place, he has been giving his views on Obama--and if O wins, I truly hope Brian's right. I respect his opinions--heck, I'd vote for BRIAN. From what I've read so far, I don't necessarily see the positive aspects of Mr. O. However, it is entirely possible that I'm wrong! ;-) I really hope so. It fascinates me that people can see things SO very differently!

I'd love to see this country come together. It seems more divided now than ever. I blame the media, first and foremost. Now they are stirring more and more fear about the economy--one headline states "Only one thing keeping us from a depression." How responsible is that? It's simply not true. I feel like the country is a puppet to them. Do they just throw a dart to see what they'll come up with next? There is no accountability there.

So, what did you think of the debate? What are your thoughts about the future of this country?

The Missy Fridge Challenge

2008-10-06T08:40:00.004-05:00

What's on your refrigerator?

For KB

2008-10-05T19:39:00.004-05:00

Is YouTube now our Go To?

2008-10-05T13:54:00.005-05:00

I continue to get emails and read posts with youtube political bends to them. I cannot in this day and age trust videos on youtube to be my political information source. I could post a dozen or so here that would make any of you out there with way liberal leanings think twice--but having a kid who works in film and production--it's just too easy to manipulate and edit out of context.
I prefer other sources--(online) newspapers, a vast array of mainstream and not so mainstream news programs; websites with information and links to follow and the ability to CHECK OUT sources--and to know WHO is putting the info out.
I got a kick out of the SNL bits last night, though. I did. I was aghast that it appeared that they were actually blaming Bush and Republicans for the economic nightmare we're experiencing--but they did (sorta) correct that by admitting who is really to blame in the Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac debacles. It was done quickly, though, and I doubt anyone really wanted to hear that.
If Obama is elected, he will reap the rewards by the media when the economy naturally starts to improve. If McCain gets elected, and the economy naturally starts to improve, he will be crucified because it won't be good enough.
I have a sense of humor. I love youtube. But, I love the truth, too, and youtube and mainstream media ain't it. Better to go to many, many sources to determine what might be close to the real truth. I'm just sayin'.

2008-10-03T09:27:00.004-05:00

I watched the VP debate last night, fully expecting Palin to be chewed up and spit out. I was surprised and intrigued with her poise and ability to think on her feet. If she took a Government 101 speed class to pass this test, she passed. I'm surprised, though, that she didn't go for the jugular with Obama's links to subprime leaders and the beginnings of this mess .

Shakin' up our prayer life. . .

2008-09-29T13:12:00.008-05:00

This is both rambling and freeing....

For the second time in my life, I was in prayer this morning that transcended most prayer time. I started shaking and it just freaks me out. . .but my prayer was in-depth and most personal and meaningful to me as I entered in.
First, I thought, well, that's just evil or something because there's not really any scripture about people shaking. There is scripture in Acts about the PLACE shaking (after I read that I heard an audible voice: "So, PLACES can shake, but not YOU?") and a scripture also: They were filled with the Holy Spirit. Through prayer, they received the Holy Spirit who gave them boldness and energy to move on. Acts 4:31 (some verses say "boldness" some say "power" I'm still looking at this.)
Well, what is energy, boldness, power? What does energy, boldness, power that comes from the Holy Spirit feel like? I imagine it's something. The word in that verse is, I think, parresia: freedom to speak one's mind, boldly, openly--can mean risking self to tell what in on the mind. Which makes sense because I'm risking you thinking me a nut case when you read this.
Hebrews 12:26-29 was another verse.
I felt I needed to check on this and called an accountability friend. He assured me that he didn't feel it was anything evil and that he has experienced it as well. He told me he felt the Lord wanted me to ask these questions and to search out...that He might be taking me to another level. I realized that I have had the most amazing spiritual dreams this past week and have had some revelation.
My purpose in writing this is to admit that my prayer life as of late had been weak. I haven't fully entered in because of distractions, etc. I pray for others and get a Word here and there, but as for my life and situation. . .nada. Weak is the word. I went to that place this morning after the week of dreams to enter in--I felt like I have been ignoring Father...and it then felt as though I had been gripped by pure energy--no power from me but going through me. As it subsided, I felt as though a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. . .and calm washed over. Maybe He was just shaking me to my senses!
My point is to ask you this: has anything like this ever happened to you?
and
What is the status of your prayer life?
You don't have to answer that last one--just think about it. Does your prayer life need shaking up?

Who is running this show?

2008-09-27T13:32:00.005-05:00

KB asked me to voice some opinion on the upcoming election. Thanks for the props, Bob, although I am not a brainchild in these matters. However, I am highly discouraged this election season. I do know that the economic mess we're in is not the result of one administration, but a couple--and all of those folks we vote in. It makes my stomach turn. I'm getting sick of the blame game emails, Democrat and Republican, and actually sent out an email telling people to STOP sending me this crap. And, it is crap, indeed. Last night's debate was depressing. I quit halfway through because it seemed one jab and attack after another...which is fine for a debate, but I didn't hear much about plans and strategy.

Of course, I am concerned about Obama's ties to Ayers and Jeremiah Wright. I trust the WSJ article. I have no reason to not trust WSJ so far. Wright's Black Liberation Theology is, frankly, horrible. Of course, we all do stupid things in our early years...we're radical and edgy. However, I sense that Obama has bigotry issues (not just with race) of his own that affect his agenda. I also tried to picture him meeting with Ahmadinejad and broke out into a cold sweat. Experience-wise, and because of his past attachments, he is simply not up to the job.

McCain scares me, too. He had my vote in the beginning--until I realized that his character may not be all that it's cracked up to be, and his answers last night weren't any more impressive than Obama's. Because of age and experience, I expected more from him. I honor McCain because of his military experience. I believe this gives him a definite edge in foreign affairs--Obama lacks experience, and truthfully, interest in our military. It takes the mind of a soldier to comprehend what is happening. And, hearing from all the friends and family I have and have had in Iraq...we surely are doing good over there. Americans are not suffering this war! We sacrifice NOTHING! We carry on as if nothing is happening and then stand back, aghast at the loss, and point fingers and then move on with our lives. This war is causing the highest number of closed brain injury in history, if I'm correct. How many of us have visited our troops in hospitals? How many stand at the airport and greet them? How many are getting involved at all? Precious little.

Okay, I digress. McCain knows war, he knows win and loss. He knows the ugly side of government, too. But, he picked the wrong person as a running mate and this is what dropped him off of my radar. This was clearly a political move...not clever nor calculating as Republicans like to imagine, nor did he pick another "maverick." It is not a pick that serves our country at all. We're not supposed to vote based on the VP, but we are literally a heartbeat away from Sarah Palin becoming the president of our country. She does not impress me one bit. Republicans loved to point the no-experience finger at Obama...and then, Palin?

I am more perturbed with Americans than anything else. We have gotten ourselves into this campaign mess ourselves. Our complacency is disgusting. We rail against our leaders because of our dependence on oil and "demand" alternatives--but what are we willing to sacrifice about anything? We blame our economy on leaders, but what level of greed in all sectors, private and government, have gotten us to this point? What level of entitlement do we all wallow in? We deserve the best of all things, right? Our leaders have fought tooth, nail, and sold our souls to keep us happy and maintain our lifestyles, and we've let 'em. Well, we're going to lose our way of living if we don't start thinking about what we are doing to set these things in motion. A recent poll asked, what are you most concerned about this election? The answers:

Economy 73% 98,779
National security 16% 21,692
War in Iraq 6% 8,097
Health care 3% 4,235

Everything falls by the wayside when our own livelihood is threatened. We must be, collectively, the most selfish nation on the earth.

I am also sick of the two-party system. It's a big game and we lose. When will Americans stop having to vote for the lesser of two evils and have a candidate they can stand for? When will we say enough? When will we demand the media start giving coverage to the "other" candidates. When will people like Ron Paul be allowed to take part in the debates? When will THEIR conventions be aired on national television instead of being ignored a few blocks away?

This season, I'm "wasting" my vote and voting 3rd party. Bob Barr, a Libertarian, is on the Texas ticket. He is a candidate along the lines of Ron Paul, and he fits my "less government" beliefs. I suggest that anyone who is unsure about who to vote for send a message that the election fare this year is despicable. Then, get involved. As a teen and college student, I always worked for my candidates--on a city and national scope. That fell away with kids and work, but we need to start getting behind people we think will work for us--for real. At the very least, we need to contact our representatives and contact them OFTEN to voice our opinions and stay on them. Right now, we've voted them in and the result is lethal for our country because the inmates are running the asylum.

Disquieting

2008-09-26T19:36:00.002-05:00

From the Wall Street Journal

Waiting for the paint to dry. . .

2008-09-21T12:41:00.006-05:00

I'm working on a little prop for my choral group. We're in a talent show in October and we're singing, "Turn Your Radio On."
I'm the youngest member of this group, but they have blessed my socks off. So, I'm making the "radio" and it ain't goin' as well as I thought, but there's still time to pull the rabbit outta the hat. Remembering I'm doing it cuz I love 'em. Here's a bad picture of my little Philco prop.

Brother is remarkably better. Praise God, and thank you for prayers. This incident reminded me of what I must do...and what I mustn't. I will be pressing him to get on a private pay company's rolls so that in the future, I don't kill myself trying to care give. Frankly, it's unnatural for siblings to do that level of care. He has the funds to maintain a quality lifestyle for a lonnnnng time. Thanks, Pat, especially, for helping me work through that since you've been there. Thanks all for your support!

The most important news is that Robert is home for a few days. Then he is off to Ft. Hood. He didn't make it into the Special Ops group that he had hoped for. Maybe that's a blessing. He would have had to go to torture camp (still may have to) and the unfortunate news is that he will most likely be deployed in the next few months. However, he will be working on a base in a hanger doing his chopper work. He really wants to get into some dangerous work, EOD (handling explosives that haven't gone off) and the Army psychologist told him he'd rock in Special Forces. I already knew that. For now, he says he will do his time quietly in the hanger until further thought processes. He has a wife and child to think about now. He has always walked on the edge.

More later. I'm digesting some blogs that I've read lately.

This election makes me sick

2008-09-13T14:41:00.005-05:00

Update: Not to leave Obama out (and there is so much more I can bring here if I want):
Obama ignores gender equity in pay

I keep getting emails from Christian friends and family supporting McCain and Palin; assuming that I do as well. While I won't vote for Obama; I'm hard pressed to support anyone this election season because

Palin endorses cowardly hunting and

McCain dumped the disabled wife who prayed and waited for him

You may say, hey, this is small stuff compared to the national issues we face. I would reply that it is the "small" stuff that makes us up and defines character.

He's the One who's loved you all your life..

2008-09-11T14:00:00.005-05:00

Thank you all for your comments...you've lifted me up; no words to describe how that feels. Only you can make this wimp feel not so wimpy.
I woke up this morning with the words from this song running through my head. I guess He is using songs this season of my life because I persist in keeping my ears covered and He knows music will get through. The words "You're not alone, for I am here" were in my head this a.m. God is so good.

I think this is for you, too.

Meredith Andrews' You're Not Alone

Spilling my guts...

2008-09-10T18:21:00.007-05:00

Kurt is more mobile, but his balance is terrible...which is normal. The case manager nurse thinks it may be an exacerbation of his SOPCA (sporadic olivoponticerebellar ataxia) There's one for your word files.

Well, sadly, the nurse knows less than we do. We just don't know. He is weaker because he's been laying around. I left him to go run some errands and he took a nap; when I got back he was back in his wheelchair, had his fanny pack on, and almost made it to the door to greet me. He is being careful not to hurt himself because he knows that will be really, really bad. I spent a bit of time tracking down the doctor who ordered the MRI, and we don't have those results back. I turned that search over to our family doc. I'll be surprised (pleasantly) if he didn't suffer a teeny TIA. I've done a little searching and actually found that some with similar disorders have had improvement with traditional Chinese medicine. Not surprising...it's helped me. I may take him to my Chinese doc. It may give him a positive feeling. That cannot hurt a bit, and may make all the difference. Anyway, he got into his scooter and joined his "under the stairway" apartment friends for a bit of a chat.

Otherwise, I think he may do better with physical therapy; perhaps it will buy him independence for a bit longer. Or, maybe that's the 1/2 oz of wine I'm ingesting right now talking. I figure grapes are natural, and it seems to be taking the edge off the freaking anxiety I'm having. Don't worry. No plans to become an alcoholic. My tolerance lasts for about that 1/2 oz. I'm done, but I feel better.

The case nurse found out I have lupus, and suggested that I don't need this stress. Well, no, this kind of stress is just for other folks, certainly not ME! Heck, NO ONE needs this kind of stress! My dad lives this 24/7. Kansas Bob lives this 24/7. The big difference, though, is, this is not my husband, nor my child. This is my brother, who I think is really a good person at heart, but has chosen to be pissy to me most of my life.

I'm admitting right here. I'm scared, I'm tired, and I really don't want to deal with this. Some Christian gal, huh? I am seeing the road down the way. I should be grateful that I'm on the delivery end, not the receiving end. Shame on me. Truly.

I tended my grandparents. I tended my mom. I tended my in-laws. This is different. Not a parent, nor a child. Of course, I feel compassion for him...let me tell you, it's a cruel disease; but my compassion is mixed with irritation and I am ashamed. I get flashbacks about my childhood, growing up with him. When he was able he beat on me every chance he got. My mother and father enabled him by not making him live on his own when it would have been optimum timing to do so. When I had kids, he says he loves them, I'm sure he does, but he has been jealous of their "normalcy" and has picked on them. He couldn't drive, so it was easier to have him live at home for convenience. He didn't live on his own til my mom died when he was 42. My dad remarried and set him out on his own in an apartment. I moved him closer to us when my stepmom became ill with supranuclear progressive palsy, so he could be independent, but not a 25 mile drive for me. Dad's pretty well tied up.
Supranuclear progressive palsy.
There's another one for your word file.

Thank you for your prayers. I guess I need them for my hard heart. This may be one of those I delete in a couple of minutes, because you'll surely think I'm mean.
Thanks to my Kentucky blog friend for the call. Blogworld truly rocks. Thanks, Connie, for the encouraging calls and strong Words. Thanks, Kyle, for stepping up to help your ol' mom. You make me proud.
Thank you all for your support. It means the world to me.

Prayers needed

2008-09-07T23:46:00.005-05:00

Update 9/9/08
Thank you all for prayers. Definitely felt. Kurt is better, was discharged Monday afternoon when doctor decided from tests that he didn't have a stroke or even a TIA (which, granted, might NOT be evident on CT); that was good news. Doc thinks the Baclofen, newly prescribed a day or so before, may have caused a bad reaction. It can cause confusion. Brother takes lots of pills. Bad news was they sent him home. With back problem he cannot walk (he normally doesn't walk well, but has been independent) so I've been the caregiver these past couple of days. Is that all? Just a couple of days??
I arranged for home health care and physical therapy 2-3 times a week. That will give me a break. Pray for me, too. My brother has never been very nice; long story. I minister to many folks, but I guess the ministry of family is hardest. Jesus knew that.
Anyway. . .thank you all.
I found my brother at his apartment this morning in a confused state. He is physically disabled, not mentally, and was unable to answer some questions, such as the date, the President's name, his age, etc. He knew who I was, and my son. We took him to ER, and tests were run. CT scan essentially normal, as well as other tests. MRI tomorrow. I just got home a little while ago.

He and I haven't always gotten along, but he finally has found a life of his own, friends, and some joy. We moved him close to us 3 years ago...and I pray that this isn't long-lasting, that he will heal.

Please pray for him. His name is Kurt.

Do it anyway

2008-09-05T06:40:00.007-05:00

God is great
but sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
Yeah, I do it anyway

These words from the Martina McBride song, "Do It Anyway" brought me to the computer this morning. I've been in a place of complacency, watching my kids grow up and away (I've done my job!) and trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my life. Sometimes that complacency takes us away from God. When I get away from God, my direction becomes confused, altered. I see and get caught in the selfishness and pettiness of others' trips. Recently, I voiced some thoughts and opinions and there was an attempt to squash them. That's okay. Jesus said there would be days like that. I woke up this morning with the refrain, "Do it anyway! Do it anyway!" going through my mind, over and over--my eyes get opened and I can see things in a new and wonderful Light.
Sometimes He speaks to us through scripture, sometimes in others' words, and sometimes He just shouts in our ears because we keep tuning Him out. HE is always there. We're not always listening.
So, whatever it is that you're called to do. . .listen.
And no matter what anyone says, do it anyway.

2008-09-02T21:40:00.000-05:00

Pat's back!

How is your holiday?

2008-09-01T18:35:00.004-05:00

Ours is nice.
Dinner with family, working on web copy for a client, catching up on laundry. Our dryer died last week and the quickest we could get someone here because of work, was Saturday. Our dryer, 23 years old, dried its last. Since I have a longstanding aversion to laundromats (sat in way too many of them!) last week I was washing, hanging up clothes to dry, and ironing.
It made me appreciate our conveniences even more. I like to iron, though, and laundry was intentional...picking only what we needed at the time, alloting time for air drying.
Our Maytag washer is still kicking, thank God, and the repairman said it should last a good while longer. Still, it was sad to see the old dryer go away. . .I had it before babies; it faithfully dried their little onesies, jammies, and overalls....all the way up to their Scout shirts and Led Zeppelin T's, and it dried my grandson's clothing as well.
Our new dryer was delivered this morning, and has been busy all day.
How was your weekend?

Reruns...

2008-08-21T12:54:00.006-05:00

I had trouble sleeping last night because I came across a webpage by an acquaintance. She persists in shunning women who are called to leadership--and has insulted me in my own home--even though she pushes her husband around--and builds the "case" on that one scripture (incorrectly translated) that tells wimmin' folk to shut up in church--while ignoring Junia, Nympha, Chloe, Priscilla, and Phoebe, among others.

My journey in Christianity has led me to some interesting places, and I'm at a point where the Bigness of God just makes my head spin. Church seems so very small right now, and I know some of you have great churches, I wish I could find one, or come with you. We visited a new one last week and my husband waited patiently while I calmed myself in the parking lot; all the frustrations coming back. It was friendly enough, but no women in leadership, so there you are. The communication card offered coffee, childcare, and parking as places to serve. There was no place to check ministering, or caring for people.

Not that we need to check a box for that. We're going back, though, and I'll have to suck it up because my husband doesn't have "church" every day with folks like you, like I do. I'll just have to Trust.

The bottom line is, I want the Really Good News out there.

Anyway, rather than rewrite, I thought I'd re-cycle, even though it's a little testy:

January/2007

I really don't have anything intellectual to say about this subject right now. It's all from my gut. You know how I feel about the subject of women in ministry....it just seems that the devil is throwing all these blogs, comments, and websites at me that espouse limits of the calling of women to pastor over a congregation. I'm not just talking about men here.

First...I'm currently out of church, but women in ministry was never an issue with me personally. I was ordained as an elder...and the RCA considers that once an elder always an elder with them. Eldership means serving the Body. That's it, and that's the only way that I would allow myself to answer that call--in that manner. I always consider myself to be a servant. Kneeling before a congregation to be "ordained" meant that I made a public promise to do so.

Second...it's unbelievable to me that in this day and age, with all the information available, that there are still Neanderthals among us who lie through their teeth when they say "women and men are equal. They just have different 'roles.'" The Q'uran says something similar. It says that women and men are equal, but men are 'more' equal than women.Hmmmm.Who of us has the right to say what anyone's role is? If God calls you to minister, to serve, you GO! If someone tries to stop you, just who exactly are they working for?

Third...the powers that be, the ones who are keeping their chosen Bible translations in your hands, and the information away that they DON'T want you to see, are the ones we should be keeping an eye on. They want to confuse you by saying that these new translations are gender inclusive. That's a lie. The truth is they are gender ACCURATE. There's a huge difference. Be proactive....go to the interlinears and some websites (I'll help ya) and see how many words have been inserted that were never there. Do a little sleuthing. Don't be spoon-fed.

Fourth...Jesus had no trouble using women in ministry, why should anyone else? When Paul's words are really looked at, he had no trouble with women either. I used to think so, but not anymore. And quit throwing those horrible translations of the "women" scriptures at me. And stop with the rules that aren't even in scripture! Only priests can anoint? Jesus had no problem being anointed by a woman before his death! He chastised her criticizers. What would he say to you? What can I say? That's where I am. If you don't think women should pastor over a church, don't go to that church.There's a battle out there, and this is the time that God is calling His daughters to rise up and take up the sword with His sons against the enemy! The Truth is here. I can't imagine any real soldier who is intent on fighting and winning a battle that would refuse help from another warrior! There's work to be done.

If you can't get over it...then get out of the way.

Oh, heck....

2008-08-20T09:54:00.004-05:00

...I was ready to hang this blog up, but will putter on...I have a couple posts brewing thanks to you all....make me think, will ya?
This is kind of true, except for the balanced person thing, and the success thing. Having a mid-life crisis and not feeling so successful....but I DO love playtime! :-)

You Have A Type A- Personality

You are one of the most balanced people around

Motivated and focused, you are good at getting what you want

You rule at success, but success doesn't rule you.

When it's playtime, you really know how to kick back

Whether it's hanging out with friends or doing something you love!

You live life to the fullest - incorporating the best of both worlds

Do You Have a Type A Personality?

I have....

2008-08-19T09:23:00.007-05:00

...absolutely nothing brilliant to say. I read all of your blogs, and you're so clever and insightful. Barbara and Tim always have something wonderful to contribute. Don is always coming up with the freakiest, deepest, stuff. Brian, KB and Codepoke talk way over my head half the time. Milly and Missy cut to the chase and get me thinking. Connie has the best pics and devotionals. Paige, Pearlie, Helen, Dave, Matt, and Trace always have a good word. I know I've missed several of your names.
I don't know...wonder if it's time to shut 'er down. Guess I'll just keep reading!

Last few days. . .

2008-08-16T13:33:00.006-05:00

I had a whopper of a migraine; the boys and I went out to my dad's to help him in his yard and around the house a little. I guess breathing in all the plant stuff plus already having allergy problems set it off. The fact that he keeps his house at 80 degrees didn't help much either. However, I managed to clean some vines out of his landscaping and help him with the NY Times crossword.

It finally rained....and a GREAT rain it was.....yesterday. Absolutely fab!

Michael spent some time

with us. Gracie doesn't like

rain much. She sits on the furniture....like ON the furniture--the top, edge, whatever. She tries to sit on your head, too.

I managed to finish my brick curvy "line" in my back yard between my graveled french drains and my grass. It was getting frustrating

keeping the gravel out of the grass....may not be much better, but it

looks lots nicer. Thank God it was cool this a.m.! We're putting in

a stained concrete pad (that irregular shaped bed there) for our grill toward the back there, with a berm (in the back corner) that will be mulched and planted, and a quiet place way on the

left for a hammock. Getting there.

My baby is 17!!!

2008-08-06T17:36:00.008-05:00

"Little" G is 17 at 9:14 pm today! He was 9lbs, 13oz at birth. Whew!
We're proud of you, and love you!
G is:
A keen observer of people (he'll figure you out before you will!)
Smart (straight A's-no effort)
Talented...whatever he does, he does well
Kind
Polite
Star Scout with an incredible wit and sense of humor
(In other words....better than we!!)
Happy Birthday, Grant!

Here he is (left) with Robert

I fully admit it....

2008-08-01T15:51:00.004-05:00

...this. heat. is getting to me.
Whining warning!
I'm cranky, short on patience, and my nonsense-o-meter is registering in the high 100's. I'm mad at my foot (can you get mad at something that you should be grateful you even have??) and everything costs more; my SUV that I use to tote disabled people, wheelchairs, and paint is making greedy sucking noises, and I need a freakin' routine, people! I usually like warm weather but this is ridiculous and I hate not working full time at this time.
Not to mention the Texas DPS is messing with my summer-born kid--how am I supposed to renew a provisional license with a Verification of Enrollment when it's summer and the school is closed?!?
Growing up, now...
I feel so sorry for our soldiers in Iraq. I'm going to go buy more cool neckerchiefs and send them on.
Sorry.
I'm done, now.

baggage...

2008-07-27T11:00:00.009-05:00

I caught the end of "Hope Floats" on TV the other day while rummaging through some paperwork.
Sandra Bullock's character tells her daughter that "childhood is the thing you spend your adult life getting over." Or something like that.
I had to laugh. It really is true, and you'd think that after you hit 40 those issues would go away, but as I minister to people, there it is. It's in me, too. Past occurrences, especially parental induced, mess us up.
Much as I have a lot of "stuff" that still follows me around from my childhood, (and still have a 76 year-old-control-freak father who thinks I'm one of the stupidest people alive) there are many of my friends who have much more from which to break free.
We all seem to suffer from self-esteem problems of one level or another. So, then I have to wonder....how badly have I messed my own kids up?
Did I push 'em too much? Not enough? Did I hurt their feelings? Did I lift them up or drop them in despair?
They're all great kids...even the ones to which I didn't give birth.
My oldest is an Eagle scout. It was his dream to get Eagle. We had to push him through the last stages. He was trying to graduate, work, get a car, and make Eagle before his 18th birthday. That was a fun year! But, he made it, praise God.
My youngest struggled through Scouts because he thought we demanded it of him. He has retired a Star scout and all of us are relieved. He hasn't followed through on any of his passions; basketball, music, etc., for one reason or another. I think he hasn't found the "thing" because he's good at everything he tries. Straight A's with no effort. He most likely has more talent in one little finger...and a higher IQ than any of us...and he has no idea how incredible he is.
I did, though, ask him to draft me a letter as to why he wanted to quit scouts, so he did. I sealed it and mailed it to myself with a postmark--and filed it.
I didn't want him coming back to us when he is 30 and demanding why we let him quit when we encouraged his brother--which we only did because it was his brother's passion.
We wrap ourselves around the perception of others and take it as the truth. They see our flaws, our faults, our mistakes, our less-than-perfect appearances. We let that become our esteem-o-meter and walk in those untruths. One thoughtless (intended or not) word from a parent (or child, or friend, or spouse) can last a lifetime.
Sometime, though, as we work our way through our journey, we have to learn to shake it off--it's hard because the reflection of ourselves that we see from others seems to ring true--after all, they're LOOKING at us, right? They KNOW us, right? And, it can be the only "tangible" feedback that we get.
Somehow, though, we have to see our reflection in the right Light--from the right Source--from the One True Mirror. Him, of course. We're made in His image--not theirs. Anything bad we get from others in regard to ourselves is a poor reflection.
Everything here, in this realm, is small and unimportant compared to what will Be. Thank God.
If only we could always remember that, and strive to be instruments of True Reflection, for ourselves, our children, and others---but, truly, no one's opinion, bad OR good, matters! Only His opinion matters--and that's a done deal. We're loved, adored, sacrificed for. And, there's not a thing we can do about it.
:-)

Catch up

2008-07-25T09:00:00.003-05:00

Life is sweet with Bob here.

I had to withdraw my application for the teacher assistant job because of my foot on doctor advice. Guess God's got something else planned. Maybe I'll get certified. Or maybe I'll paint more.

Foot is still not great. A friend dropped off a walking cast. It helps, but it weighs a ton and I feel like the Borg or something with it. "Resistance is futile. . . ."

Gracie's bloodwork, which is always a little weird because of a congenital kidney problem, came back a little scarier this time. She is her usual crazy, hungry, energetic, self though. The vets aren't too concerned at this point, but I've kind of freaked.

The heat has put me off of working in the backyard for right now. It doesn't seem to matter that it's not all "together." Had some friends over last Friday night. I put out candles, lights, etc., and with the wonders of fellowship, it came alive. One friend said, "This is just wonderful!" It was because they were all here.

I'm trying to finish projects that were already in the works; a lightweight blanket for Michael--must finish before they move in October; a mosaic table so I can get it out of the garage; a pet marker for a friend, and a couple more mosaic projects.

Also trying to get the PAPER stuff out of the house!! What happened to the "paperless" society?? I have to shred half of it so no one takes up the "special offers" in our names and recyle the rest of it. I'm proud to say our weekly trash is about 1-2 small bags--the rest is recyled. Do you all have this paper chase?

What's up with you?

A surprise knock on the door at 9:45pm

2008-07-17T08:25:00.005-05:00

Pfc Robert is home early! He surprised his wife and son with an early arrival while they were eating out last night! Kyle told me he might be in early, but not to say anything. I was still surprised, thinking he was coming in TODAY! I heard a knock, Gracie was barking, but not her guard dog bark. I said, "Who is it?"
"Who do you think it is, mom?"
What a thrill! :-D
He'll be here for 12 days, then on to Special Ops training (I think) which is making him very happy. Which makes us very happy.
Now, to get my older boy in Boston and hubby in Phoenix home tonight. I'll be even more happy!

bittersweet

2008-07-12T11:15:00.003-05:00

I miss my boy in Korea. He'll be home soon for a week. This morning I picked up my guitar for the first time in around a year and there was the strap he bought me for my birthday a couple of years ago, and I missed him more.

Luckily, I have a little sweet-faced reminder around.

Keeping up connections

2008-07-09T08:35:00.008-05:00

I've been lax in visiting blogs this last week, and I missed Missy's post about a medical scare. I have many good face-to-face friends here in Texas, some of you in blogland have become those face-to-face friends like Missy and Don and Chappy. If I miss a crisis you're suffering, it bothers me the same as if it were happening with one of my Texas pals. Can't help it, that's the way I am.

I've talked with a few of you on the phone or IM, or Skype (Dave and Kriss!). That's been very special. Having a son who has most likely met his future wife via an online (W.O.W.) forum, I take my cyber-relationships pretty seriously. People get to know each other before ever meeting. . .like penpals of old. Lots of you are going through some tough stuff.

We're here for you--and know you're here for us as well.

I'm just sayin'.

Check 'em out. . .

2008-07-06T10:04:00.003-05:00

Check out my heresy pages (;-D) and see what everyone put as answers to some random questions: Gary has a story! Whoa! and TimD...seriously, folks, check out his blog (link on my sidebar). Good, good stuff. Bothy Gary and Tim have amazing miracle stories that happened in the darndest places!

Stuff we miss. . .

2008-07-03T09:24:00.002-05:00

AOL had a list of stuff "we" miss:

Grape NeHi Soda
House and Garden Mag
Use of vowels (as in texting-my 17 year old refuses to "text-speak")
Lard in pastry
Howard Johnson's (like it used to be)
Vent windows (in cars)
Screaming yellow zonkers
Train travel
New Potter books
Chromed metal on cars
Gelatin salad
Drive-in theaters
Gas attendants
MILKshakes
vinyl records
McD's fried pies
cursive writing
full size spare tire
day games during baseball playoffs
phone booths
pleasurable air travel
Hydrox cookies
Easy to open packaging
In-store lunch counters
The Far Side

I thought about it. I'm not sure I miss "stuff" so much. I miss:

Kids playing outside in summer
Only 3-5 channels on T.V.
Neighborhood BBQs
Everything shutting down on Sundays
Clothes hung on a clothesline
No privacy fences
Grandparents' house on Sunday
Farms
New school supplies' smell (and you kept your own!)

Got any to add?

Puzzle pieces

2008-07-01T08:42:00.004-05:00

Gary Means directs us to a blog by Tim (which by the way is a good read!) and his struggles with healing. I can relate. A friend of mine feels deeply the pain a lot of you are going through, so healing is definitely a subject in the universe right now.

As I read Gary's and Tim's posts, I could relate. My anger about my stupid foot right now goes deeper than the foot and its pain. After struggling for years with Crohns, lupus, fibromyalgia, tinnitus and thyroid disease, I finally reached a point where I decided to be healed. I believed it. I thanked God for it. I started walking and strength-training. I'm losing weight. Now, I'm felled by a freaking foot. It's such a small thing, for God's sake, there are people suffering with horrible diseases--some in my own family.

I am blessed beyond belief, and yet I'm pissed off, too. So close.

I wonder what I'm missing.

Happy Monday?

2008-06-30T18:40:00.004-05:00

Got the foot shot on Friday, heck, that didn't feel good, but not as bad as pushing out a 10 lb baby boy with a 15" head, drug-free, with a migraine headache. It's all relative.

He suggests another in a couple of weeks. Hmm....guess maybe I will. Why the heck not? I'll plan on smacking myself in the head for a good 10 minutes with a wooden plank so the foot pain will seem insignificant. Not much result yet. I stayed off it, and then worked in the yard yesterday...but I didn't "stand" or put all my weight on it. Still hurts. A glass of wine seems to help.

Oh, well. I must push forward. Lots to do. I've been feeling good, and it's like a person who wakes up from a coma. Hey, feel great! Look at all the paperwork and dust.

Awaiting bloodwork that was also done.
In a funky mood. Can you tell?

How's about you?

Check out Missy's blog It's like she has a cool index of what's happening on everyone's blog! :-D

I must be crazy

2008-06-25T07:51:00.003-05:00

I put thought and prayer into it and applied for the job at the elementary school that I subbed for! I have to be out of my mind.
However, I really enjoyed the team and the kids; it will work out car-wise for my youngest and I between his school and my work. If I continue to sub, we'll need to get him a car--one more car in the drive and street will not make me happy. Oldest will be busy with internship and school.
The money's not great, but the hours and only working about 180 days out of the year, having a few weeks off for holidays, well that all sounds ducky to me. I actually got a lot of MY art done when I was doing the sub job, so it helps justify and fund my own art. I can always do jobs in the evening and weekends. I'm also looking into a website and installable, shippable murals. The school is also less than 3 miles away. Gasoline-wise, great deal.
We'll see if they hire me. If not, it'll be another car in the drive. . .
Now, if I can just get this freakin' foot healed. I go to the doc on Friday and am seriously considering the shot in the foot.

Happy 21st Birthday, Kyle!

2008-06-22T08:34:00.005-05:00

We're so proud of you!

Dean's List/Phi Theta Kappa

Eagle Scout

Always there when needed.

A listener, a thinker, a friend.

Here he is with sweetie, Abby.

We're pretty proud of her, too!

Heroes

2008-06-20T17:20:00.003-05:00

Check out my friend Joe. He's joining the Peace Corps., awaiting their response.
Go Joe!